Just started taking care of my mom with dementia. Any resources for help during the day?

As a caregiver, you need to know some basic points such as :
1. Being Reasonable, Rational and Logical Will Just Get You into Trouble. When someone is acting in ways that don’t make sense, we tend to carefully explain the situation, calling on his or her sense of appropriateness to get compliance. However, the person with dementia doesn’t have a “boss” in his brain any longer, so he does not respond to our arguments, no matter how logical. Straightforward, simple sentences about what is going to happen are usually the best.
2. People With Dementia Do Not Need to Be Grounded in Reality. When someone has memory loss, he often forgets important things, e.g., that his mother is deceased. When we remind him of this loss, we remind him about the pain of that loss also. When someone wants to go home, reassuring him that he is at home often leads to an argument.  Redirecting and asking someone to tell you about the person he has asked about or about his home is a better way to calm a person with dementia.
3. You Cannot Be a Perfect Caregiver. Just as there is no such thing as a perfect parent, there is no such thing as a perfect caregiver. You have the right to the full range of human emotions, and sometimes you are going to be impatient or frustrated. Learning to forgive your loved one as well as yourself is essential in the caregiving journey.
4. Therapeutic Lying Reduces Stress. We tend to be meticulously honest with people. However, when someone has dementia, honesty can lead to distress both for us and the one we are caring for. Does it really matter that your loved one thinks she is the volunteer at the day care center? Is it okay to tell your loved one that the two of you are going out to lunch and then “coincidentally” stop by the doctor’s office on the way home to pick something up as a way to get her to the doctor?
5. Making Agreements Doesn’t Work. If you ask your loved one to not do something ever again, or to remember to do something, it will soon be forgotten. For people in early stage dementia, leaving notes as reminders can sometimes help, but as the disease progresses, this will not work. Taking action, rearranging the environment, rather than talking and discussing, is usually a more successful approach. For example, getting a teakettle with an automatic “off” switch is better than warning someone of the dangers of leaving the stove on.
6. Doctors Often Need to Be Educated By You. Telling the doctor what you see at home is important. The doctor can’t tell during an examination that your loved one has been up all night pacing. Sometimes doctors, too, need to deal with therapeutic lying; e.g., telling the patient that an antidepressant is for memory rather than depression.
7. You Can’t Do It All.  It’s OK to Accept Help Before You Get Desperate. When people offer to help, the answer should always be “YES.” Have a list of things people can do to help you, whether it is bringing a meal, picking up a prescription, helping trim the roses or staying with your loved one while you run an errand. This will reinforce offers of help. It is harder to ask for help than to accept it when it is offered, so don’t wait until you “really need it” to get support.
8. It Is Easy to Both Overestimate and Underestimate What Your Loved One Can Do. It is often easier to do something for our loved ones than to let them do it for themselves. However, if we do it for them, they will lose the ability to be independent in that skill. On the other hand, if we insist individuals do something for themselves and they get frustrated, we just make our loved one’s agitated and probably haven’t increased their abilities to perform tasks. Not only is it a constant juggle to find the balance, but be aware that the balance may shift from day to day.
9. Tell, Don’t Ask. Asking “What would you like for dinner?” may have been a perfectly normal question at another time. But now we are asking our loved one to come up with an answer when he or she might not have the words for what they want, might not be hungry, and even if they answer, might not want the food when it is served after all. Saying “We are going to eat now” encourages the person to eat and doesn’t put them in the dilemma of having failed to respond.
10. It Is Perfectly Normal to Question the Diagnosis When Someone Has Moments of Lucidity. One of the hardest things to do is to remember that we are responding to a disease, not the person who once was.  Everyone with dementia has times when they make perfect sense and can respond appropriately. We often feel like that person has been faking it or that we have been exaggerating the problem when these moments occur. We are not imagining things—they are just having one of those moments, to be treasured when they occur.

All of the above are true. Seek out you local Office of the Aging to find adult day care to maintain her interests and attention.

all great answers. Definitely check with you local agency for the ageing to see what they offer. I got my MIL into a senior day care they offer and it was the best thing we could've done for her and for me. Once she had been here a few months I realized just how naïve and unprepared I was for just how much care she required and how much it was effecting me and my sanity. Now she goes to the center 4 days a week and its been a godsend. For her she gets socialization as well as much needed exercise for the body and mind with all the activities and games they do developed just for that as well as a well rounded lunch and snacks. They also have a nurse on site that keeps me updated to any changes or issues that might need attention. She's also great about giving me hints and tricks to best deal with her and her condition that have helped immensely.

There has been a definite difference in her mental abilities since she has attended. Prior to attending she would just sit and stare at the tv all day unless I spent all day keeping her active and even then she showed very little interest. Now even on her days off she's much more communicative and shows more interest in things. Another plus is I find that she'll do things when they tell her that she wouldn't do when I did. For example, we had some issues with her falling because she would stand up and start walking in one motion and we would tell her you've got to take your time, make sure your steady on your feet before moving, tell her to count, etc. nope, no luck. Well the nurse noticed right away and told her when she stands up she needs to stop and count to 5 before she takes a step and she simply goes oh ok and now every time she stands up she stops and says out loud "count to 5 Joan". The first time I saw her do it I asked about it and she said well nurse Gina says I have to, lol.

There are also a lot of books you can read up on the subject, @cyn64u2c, if that's more up your alley. I found The Forgetting by David Shenk quite helpful. The 36 Hour Day by Nancy Mace is also another informative book on the topic.


Gianna

Want to know where to go to *find* your local Area Agency on Aging? Check out: www.eldercare.gov. It's a searchable database- just enter in city & state or ZIP code, and it will find local agencies, such as your local Aging & Disability Resources or Senior Information & Assistance office (this is what I do for my job- and I use this website regularly if people call me looking for help for relatives that live all over the country, so they can find resources local to them).
When you call, you may want to see if there is a local Family Caregiver Support Program, or other types of daytime respite, such as adult day services or in-home respite care (someone comes into her home & sits with her so you can have a break).

Glad my 'typo' got a grin PinkLA......it was to have either a dash (-) or forward slash (/). And actually it would be twelve point five seven five (12.575) years; not count those pesky leap ones, in which case it may be like .58?

We ALL need a little humor to help balance the situation we find ourselves in, from time to time. Wouldn't we agree?

Yes, I wholeheartedly agree. Thank you for the chuckle.

Google Coursera, not clusters, darn spell checker. All their classes are free, and on a wide variety of topics.

In my opinion, the best thing you can do for mom is get her into an adult daycare that has planned activities for as many days a week as she can afford. Isolation is her enemy. Socializing, lively chatter, smiling faces, gossip, interesting scenery, etc., all stimulate a confused mind.

Here in suburban Chicago, we found a great place that mom loved . . . It ran, if I recall, about $60 a day. 7:30 am to 5:30 pm.

I agree with you. In my situation I am the one that has to get her up, dressed, breakfasted, medicated..., then drive her to the place for her day care and then pick her up, dinner, medication, bed. The two trips are about 45-60 minutes round trip just from mom's house. I can only do that 2-3 times a week. Any alternatives to transportation and I could do 5 days a week. Any ideas? Thank you for your help. It is good to know others face this.