I realize a big reason I stay so angry with my mother is that she was so emotionally abusive to me when I was a child. She has now lived with me for almost 2 yrs and only with psychiatric help for myself have I been able to do this. It makes me so angry when other people say how lucky my mother is to have me take care of her, or that I should be glad my mother is still alive so I can take care of her. It never seems to occur to people that the "sweet" little old lady they see is not the one I see or know. My mother does not have dementia,just narcisstic and thought when she moved in with me that she would just take up where she left off. How many of us on here are taking care of a parent that was abusive to us as children? My mother is an only child and I am only child, she had no where else to go. She "loves" me because she needs me. Why does society expect you to take care of someone that made your young life miserable?
In essence I've gone into hiding. I pay her bills, ensure she has all she needs and visit occasionally, which is terribly stressful - an hour of bitching and complaining about anything and everything, me, me, me, I want, I want, I want, wah wah wah. I do and have done all I can bit I'm so totally done with the drama. I will never be totally free until she passes away.
"If I acted the way she does, she'd tell me to snap out of it." That's the thing. Straight out of Mrs Doasyouwouldbedoneby (you!) and - in your mother's case, with the rest of your family - Mrs Beyoudonebyasyoudid. Thank you.
BTW, I don't think my brother's son would mind if it ever did happen. He's that nice. But I also don't think my brother would let it happen. He's that steadfast. I'm sure things are probably arranged.
She never protected me from my father who raped me when I was 7 and a stepfather who was emotionally abusive. I was told to never tell anyone, that they didn't "mean it".
Every day I just point toward 11:00 pm to get me through. I am blessed to be strong, have a family who loves me, have faith in my Higher Power, and have found this forum. I am so sorry you all are going through this too.
I can guarantee that we individually have more compassion than most of those who question us put together. The unmitigated gall of the wicked to crucify us for doing the right thing. The problem is that often these people are in positions of authority. May they reap what they sow.
When you have surgery and your mom wants to know where your life insurance policy is, or when you get sick and she whines about ' who will look after us while you are sick?' then it really rubs you the wrong way thinking about all the stuff you are doing and you mean so little. I find that even others in the family, and not, seem to act like my opinion does not matter and that I am not worth even asking about. I feel like a ghost sometimes.
Sometimes I would just like to start over in a new town with completely new people who would accept or reject me on the basis of who I really am.