My Dad has problems with incontinence. When it happens he deals with it by pretending it isn't happening. I have had to tell him several times that he is not getting in my car with dirty pants. Today he said he doesn't care what other people think. He doesn't care if I am embarrassed. I've given him a lot of latitude and picked my battles. I don't say anything when he cuts lines, yells (cuz he can't hear), etc. I do not think he should go out with pee/poop on him. He otherwise seems good mentally (no memory loss). He has various medical problems and gets good medical care. This happens maybe once or twice a month but I worry all the time. He wants to go out to lunch and wants to plan trips but he refuses to acknowledge this issue. I know he can't help it and I don't want him to be housebound but what can I do?
Stop worry. He is an old guy and people around understand it if he has an accident. Though, from hygienic and practical points he should start wearing pull-ups.
The above suggestions of having the dr. talk to him; and wearing pull-ups are excellent too!
The other option is to sign him up with a non-medical home care company who will come over one-two times a week to give him a shower. You can plan all outings for the day he is all washed. Oh, ask caregivers to put diaper on him: he might resist you, but those girls usually trained to handle it well with great result. You will really enjoy time out with your all cleaned dad.
Meanwhile you can replace all his regular underwear with diapers and remind him to change it daily. It's better to prevent accidents than clean after and feeling frustrated.
Recently Mom started making Dad help her clean up his mess, hopefully the cleaning will be more of an issue than wearing something. Every new grocery order they give me, I hope I will see Depends or a similar product.... still waiting.... [sigh]
There are some things that just shouldn't be tolerated.
I too would be concerned about someone reporting you to APS.