Dad fell twice in one day last week and then Sun. morning. This time put him in the hosp. He has Renal Failure, Low Sodium, and. pneumonia. He mind is way out in outer space somewhere, yet mom thinks she can take care of him at home. She's not totally able to do that. Proof is three falls in a couple of days. In home care service is not enough properly provided by the Long Term policy they've paid high bucks for. It wasn't worth the paper it was written on. Now he needs permanent care and she can't make logical choices. She's in denial about what's going on with dad. What can we tell the hospital and drs. about the conditions? And, what can be done to get them help?
My Mom stayed in their Apt for 9 months thinking she was maintaing a home for Dad to come back to. Bless her heart! with her own health issues, there was no way Dad could come home under her care, Mom asked the Dr. when will he come home, the Dr said Mrs. xxx, under your health and Mr. xxx's health circumstances he should not go back to life as it was, it simply has changed and you are not equiped to handle him. finally Mom asked if she could go with Dad ( she loved the care he was receiving and she needed much more help also) Mom and Dad are room mates in Long Term Care.
They are happy and so am I, no more runs to see about Mom, runs to take her to see Dad now it's a one stop care visit. As all of the post before me has said, enlist the help of Dr.'s Social Workers, Elder Care Attorney's, Council on Aging etc, you'd be surprised at the help available.
LilliansBonnie, I'm 51 but I've began preparing my only child on how to care for me and her Dad. I'm keeping a journal for her with resources with the type of AL's and Long Term Care places that I like "IF" that becomes a factor. I have a lot to pass on to her but guilt and stress is not one of them.
It breaks all our hearts to have our parents require the permanent care of a facility. But so often, a must. I spoke about all the issues with my father's doctor and the social worker at the hospital and then the same at the rehab.
Perhaps the social worker at the hospital can talk to your mom and help her understand all the care he requires. These people, are so well trained in this and I found every one of them I met over the years to be great source of information and understanding.
Sadly, my father's health continued to fail and he passed away about 3 months later. I felt blessed he was in good hands and getting the on the spot quality care he required.. They kept him comfortable through everything and when things got worse, he didn't have to rush to the hospital or risk falling at home. They could take care of so much at the facility. I kept in touch with them constantly and could monitor all his care.
Hopefully, your mom can come to terms with the situation and realize she is unable to provide the level of care he needs. The people at Elder Services are also a great source of support. Bless you and take care.
My heart goes out to you. What can you do about the POA/DPOA which is now in the hands of your mom's older brother. Can you communicate with the brother, your uncle, and explain the situation. Is he willing to come down and see for himself what is going on. That needs to be resolved and I agree that you children are probably most connected and aware of what your parents needs are.
I would suggest that you don't press you mom on the POA issue. She is very stressed and needs support right now. If you can accommodate her for a while; listen to her and reassure her that you want the best for both of them, you may gain some trust. If the Uncle could come down and see your mom struggling, maybe he would see the light and maybe your mom would too.
It's a step at a time and doesn't always happen the way we want it to; not fast and efficient. It takes time for people to realize that the care giving is more than they can provide.
This is not a perfect suggestion by any means. My heart goes out to you and your family,
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