She remarried and they moved to his hometown with no family or friends. We (3 children take turns) going to visit. Her spouse was her caregiver in MS, but not he is getting Hospice and we relocated her to CA. Everyone works and we need to place her in a home. She says she needs to go back to take care of him. She wants to go back, get her car and take care of him.
We are trying to convience her she needs to move here with me as she now has real good medical care being here with me. He was not caring for her properly. However, everyday she says, I have to go home incase he comes back. She really misses him and the way he chose to leave has made her dimentia worse. we made up a story that he has Alzimers and is in a home and will not get any better. It is sinking in but, it is a process. Due to her Dimentia, she can not grasp any other explanation for him leaving. Whatver I have to say or do to get her to sell and move with me, I will do. I am learning that lying seems to coax my Mom into what she needs to do. I hate doing it but, her health, weel being and dignity must remain in tact for as long as it can.
Thsi is what we are doing to convience her to leave. I did drop her off for 6 days at her place and that was a small blessing as she does realize she needs help and she gets very scared being alone now.
I cant say that lying would work for your Mom but, it cannot hurt. Remember, they are like children now and treating them as so, is sometimes what is needed. Children can be coaxed if they believe what is being said to them.
Best to you and your Mom. Hang in there and find what works.
A good read...
tlhanger
My mom recently sobbed over the Aurora, CO shootings, and I just stood by her and loved her. I don't want to hide those types of things from her for fear that she'll get emotional. I think it's good and healthy, at least in her situation.
You know your mom best and know her relationship with her husband. A part of me wonders if there might be a way to bring them together, perhaps with visits or by staying in the same facility. I know that's easier said than done, but that's what my heart is saying. Personally, I think you need to listen to your heart, and do the best you can.
All the best to you and your mom, and the rest of your family.
Equinox
Sometimes we have to make a decision, between 2 "evils". What is the better or will cause the least disruption FOR ALL INVOLVED. That will most likely be very different for each family or situation. Remember do not judge UNLESS YOU HAVE WALKED A MILE IN THE OTHER PERSONS SHOE. And may I add 2 miles! As long as the families are having their needs met reasonably, than that is probably the right decision for them. OF course I want to clarify that these should all be safe situations. Also remember that sometimes a caregiver will " come" to the end of their rope and may need a BRIEF respite. That does not mean they will not be able to step back into that role again, but they just need a break!!!! But do not do this without discussing this with the primary care giver. Involve a counselor, if necessary. BE COMPASSIONATE! Hopefully you will never have to make the decision this particular family member or friend is making.
Equinox
Equinox
My thoughts: If you take your loved one TO the primary's doctor, then if some kind of medical emergency happens in the NH, won't they automatically contact their NH doctor? If they do, then NH doc will not be familiar or have records of the patient's medical history.
I separated them in my mind. My thoughts were that the primary dr is hr Dr to review and update of what's going on in the Nh. And the Nh Dr checks her patients follows the care of meds routine from Primary care. Although she's mostly doing patient reports. I really haven't seen her visit my mom in a while.I do see her there Tuesday and Thursday.
The nh dr left a messag stating that she is her primary care Dr. , and therefore it's not necessary to see her previous primary care Dr.
Equinox