My husband 82 has vascular dementia and has very little memory left. I am his caregiver. He is sweet, very easygoing and kind. He loves our children and me very much. They are devoted to us. An unspeakable tragedy has overwhelmed us. Our youngest son 56 died suddenly in his sleep Monday after a short illness. Myself and our other son feel that my husband shouldn't be told. What are your thoughts?
I would agree, do not tell him, there is so much pain in this situation, maybe a little pain can be avoided.
L
I think it would be a shock to tell your husband, he would suffer, he wouldn't remember later, and then what would you do? Tell him again, have him re-experience the suffering? So maybe you do tell him the second time, then what about the third? If you carry this line of thinking out to its natural conclusion, it makes no sense to tell him even the first time. Go on as if nothing has happened.
Secondly, I agree with you and your other son. I cannot see that anything positive would be gained by telling your husband and it will likely cause him much pain - even if it is short lived because of his memory. Again, I am so very sorry for your loss.
I'm so sorry for your loss. This cannot be an easy time for you. Would your husband actually notice that your son is not around? If not, I certainly wouldn't tell him. It would only cause him needless pain, which wouldn't be productive at all, especially if he then forgets what you've told him. What he doesn't need to know, he just doesn't need to know. We don't tell my Dad anything that might make him anxious. My husband will be gone for 10 days starting next week, and we won't even tell my Dad he's gone, even though Mom & Dad live right next door. It would just be counterproductive and cause Dad anxiety, which would in turn mean 10 days of him being obsessed with my husband being gone (if he remembers), is my husband okay, etc. I think it would be the same case with your husband. Though I know you'd like to share your grief with him, would he really understand?