My mom's sister will care for my mom while I attend my son's wedding in England.
She has had brain surgery Feb.9, has suffered with UTI, dehydration & is really NOT well enough to travel that distance. I would love to take her but know that she would be frustrated in route. She had a difficult time traveling 4-5hours by car to her other grandson's graduation this month. Also, she just had cataract surgery- and it has been extremely difficult for her to understand NOT to rub her eye-:(
I can tell that her dementia is progressing & I need to know WHAT should I tell her about my trip?? Should I NOT mention the wedding? Please help & guide me.... I want to do the right thing. Also, what do I need to leave her sister(temporary medical POA) if mom gets ill while we are out of the country. My only sibling will be going with me. Help
Personally, I wouldn't tell her. Depending on how long you'll be gone, I'd think of some excuse that makes sense but I wouldn't introduce any more challenges for her at this point. Ask herself what would upset her the least - you're taking a slight vacation for yourself, visiting an old school or college friend, visiting another family, ...whatever.
I would try to make arrangements to have the wedding videoed so you can share it with her when you return. Perhaps your son and his bride can include a card telling her how much they care for, would have liked to see her but completely prefer that she be safe and healthy.
In other words, try to bring the wedding to your mother as much as possible.
For your sister, I would make sure she has lists of all medications, script numbers and pharmacy refill contact information as well as the name of the physicians who prescribed the meds. It would be better if you can get the scripts refilled earlier, although some insurances won't cover for refills that aren't around the general refill time period.
Doctors names, specialty, contact information as well as ER information, copies of hospital discharge instructions if you have them should be included.
Problem solving issues and solutions - such as sundowning and how you handle it, confusion and repetitive questions and how you handle them -- issues like that might help as well to ease the transition. I assume your mother knows that your sister will be her temporary caregiver? You might also say that your sister wants to just spend time with her so the two of them can bond again.
Medical insurance information is of course critical; make sure your sister has the insurance cards.
I would think of everything you do for your mother and create a log with contact information and instructions so your sister can literally step into your shoes.
And of course leave copies of the relevant legal and medical documents relating to powers of attorney.
How close is she to her grandchildren, and how advanced is her dementia?
I think with her health issues it would not be wise to load her on a plane and risk a health crisis while away from home, I don't imagine her insurance provider would be too keen on the idea either.
Given the distance I imagine only the nearest family members will be attending the wedding? It's not unusual for grandparents and extended family to beg off or even be excluded when the time and cost of travelling becomes an issue. If you feel you must tell her about the wedding would she be satisfied if you say it is only the immediate family attending?
I like the idea of videoing the ceremony and bringing home mementos to share with her, and if you do tell her you could maybe arrange for some phone calls or skype at a convenient time before/after the ceremony.