I have posted on here many times now about the situation with my Mother-in-law. She has dementia (moderate) and is a type 2 diabetic who requires insulin injections 4 times daily. She has no short term memory at all and therefore she firmly believes that she is perfectly fine and completely independent. She is surprised, confused and angered (many times each day) when my husband, myself or the home health aide show up at her door to check her sugar and assist her in taking her insulin. She really has no idea that she is ill even though we have to tell her everyday (a few times). Her dementia was worsened to include delusions. Yesterday she swore that she spoke with two of her doctors, and both said she was cleared to drive (although she could not name them). We know now that we must take the next step to insure her safety. We have finally found an acceptable (all though not perfect) Assisted Living facility that can provide her the care she needs and still allow her to remain social with people close to her age (she is 66). We have POA. We just have no idea how to tell her or how to get her there. What if she refuses? Anytime we have mentioned it before she becomes very angry. Keep in mind that anything we say will be lost within 20-30 minutes, so even if we convince her of the danger she is in she will forget before we get there. Do we just have to take her there under some ruse? Do we need to medicate her? Can we legaly make her go? I really need some solid advice from someone who has been through this.
Take mom on a tour and focus on how pretty it is, how nice people are, how convenient all the amenities are that she doesn't have at home. How safe it is, and how very much there will be to look forward to and how much care she will get. The director, my husband, & I did an award winning sales job. We specifically focused on the things that had scared mom alone in her house.
We talked about how her furniture would look in there.
After lunch, after a tour, we closed the deal. Which apartment do you want mom, this one or that one? I had the paperwork all ready to go and the check signed. The unfortunate thing was the move in date had to be 4 weeks out.
You may not be able to LEGALLY force her into care but it's clearly time. Depending on her state of mind you may be able to finagle her into care. It's done many times on a TRIAL basis that becomes permanent. You may be surprised how quickly she settles in. And I agree with Rainmom, it can take a crisis to force the issue. I'm just waiting for my Dads dementia to worsen to the point that I can ease him into care. We're just not quite there yet.
Also, is assited living going to meet her needs? Have the facility send someone out to evaluate her. She may need memory care with her level of dementia. Good luck.