My parents have never let me live; they control everything. They say I was perfectly raised until i was 18 when i went "off to college and learned the ways of the world. Then i become spoiled and question their authority." Actually, i saw friends' parents welcome young adults into the world - independent and free. I was so manipulated that i never knew this existed. I thought everyone's parents were calculating and controlling like mine. College was a real eye opener!
When i questioned them and suggested that perhaps they should strive to let me be more independent, they said not everyone had such good parents as I and when i was ready they would let me know.
They restricted me more. I moved out. They chased me down, called my work so much i got in trouble.
Everyday, they tell me they wish i was five again, when i knew how to behave like a proper lady. When i call them on it, they say it is a joke, what is wrong with me.
They are both in 90s now. The other day they said i would get to enjoy myself when they are gone and told me how much i will miss them. I know i won't. I have mourned for decades not having real parents.
They tell me this at least once a week, and i keep to myself how i feel, but soon i will not. It is jarseres everyday.
How horrible will i be when i just tell them they are a burden and i hope they die soon?
i call BS anyway. i went into the army at age 17 , stayed till i was 20 and returned home a force to be dealt with. told my parents to lose the stupid childhood nickname for me and treat me as a free thinking adult or id hack em to bits with an aircraft propeller. ( or a more convenient equivalent ) .
Countrymouse, i am 36 - way late, "miracle baby"
im trying to be a d**k here, goddammit, somebody work with me.. sh* t..
fraid ive commited myself to a crappy joke. ya know how copper wire was invented? two people of the jewish religion fighting over a penny.
Also there is no need. Get another job, instead, and for heaven's sake don't give them your work number.
i left school at the age of 15 and never looked back.
Can you bite your tongue a bit longer? I'm sure it's got a good callous by now. :) Sorry, couldn't resist.
Think carefully. It might feel good in the moment to tell them that, but you actually could be hurting yourself in the long run.
How often do you see them or talk to them? I would take a 2 week vacation to Mexico and not be available for awhile. They'll get by.
The way to live your own life is to live your own life, not to talk about doing it.
Your parents say things to you everyday that you don't want to hear? Did you know that there is no requirement -- not in law, not in religion, not in ethics -- that you have to talk to them everyday?
Get out that ax and cut the umbilical cord. Most parents do that themselves, but there is no rule that it can't be done from your end.
You didn't have a choice when you were 6. You are 36 now. No excuses.
The way to live your own life is to live your own life.
taking advantage of the long weekend, i took my counselor's suggestion for respite. i stocked their fridge, employed a friend who's a nurse to look in on them and help my father change his bandages on his pre-cancer skin wound, told them to leave a message on my answering machine if they needed me which i would be checking periodically. I would return Monday and call them then. I very deliberately neglected telling them where I was going.
by Saturday, I had three calls from them (my answering system records the incoming number, date, and time) - one at 7:30am, one at 1:30pm, and one at 5:30pm. the first two were hang ups. the third was a message saying it was the time I was supposed to call and check on them, but since I was "out enjoying myself and neglecting my duty," they thought they would call me and let me know that they were just fine and that I "really shouldn't trouble" myself with worrying about them "while away from my duties" this weekend.
their passive aggressive message just irritated me - enough to strengthen my resolve to contact the social worker to start the steps to, as they would say, "put them in a home."
Thinks: I'd rather be in a home than living under his reign of terror... ;)
Venting is good. It's what stops you actually telling your parents what you think of them! And good for you for 'neglecting your duty' (say what?!) - hope you had some great time off.
He wanted me to listen to a sermon he'd just heard on the radio; he could "paraphrase it to me." i told him i was between two appointments so I didn't have time for a sermon, only had enough time to drop by and check his head. I have learned limiting my time to 45 minutes is all I can stand. Plus, it's a 45 minute drive one way on a good day.
He had a laundry list of things "that needed to be attended to in my absence." First, he was running out of tape for his bandage. He'd already used one roll and the spare roll. (He had plenty left and a roll to spare.) When i showed it to him, he told me to put it back where i'd found it (where he didn't see it.) i said fine.
He told me i had bandaged his head so that he pulled off two scabs that were in front. (I put the tape on the sides to avoid that.) he has bandaged it since. I simply said sorry.
He said he was nervous buying gas yesterday. The girl at the pump had helped him operate the pump. It was shameful I wasn't there to help. I previously told him if he couldn't figure out how to gas his vehicle he no longer needed to be operating it.
Then, he thinks the girl who fixed his glasses last November changed his nose guards. (He refused to change frames, we took the old ones in and she popped in the new lenses right in front of us.) I said we'd go by there the next time we were in that area. He wanted to know how to get there himself and didn't want to wait on me.
He found it funny i needed a vacation, and asked why. when I explained about needing a break so we all didn't end up in a nursing home, he went on about he and mother had cared for everyone - aunt, uncles grandparents - without problems. (mother dealt with them, he merely mowed their lawns once a month, or once a week depending on which relative it was, most of that time he mowed, he was retired.) i nodded my head and told him that was great.
He tried one more time to get me to "listen to his sermon." i declined.
As I was heading out the door, he said he didn't think i went on vacation; he thought I was "on the drugs." (wtf?) I laughed and told him i thought i would need some seriously good drugs if I had to put up with him much longer.
I am trying, Debralee. Pushing buttons are their thing.
Today, I basked in the sun for 10 minutes. Soaked up my cares, pretended that i had no parents. And. Just. Felt.
Really. Really. Good.