We went out of town to bury her husband, and now that we are packing to go back, she has suddenly become suspicious that I'm leaving her behind, shipping her off, or "placing her in a sanitarium". The actual plan is that once we get back to town, she will be going to a wonderful place that specializes in memory care...and I have a feeling it's going to be ugly. Trying to stay positive, and I have a long time family member who's actually going with her so there is a familiar face, but now I feel guilty about placing her in that position....my Mom might get really nasty.....I feel bad for my mom too, but honestly there is a part of me that feels resentful that she only cares about herself. She's been kind of self absorbed for years, so it's not entirely the dementia, I just hate being in this position. I don't like being the bad guy, I wish I could make everyone happy, I am a complete wimp when it comes to confrontation. How does she know??? She can sometimes be so clueless and unobservant, why is she sensing it now?
Staff at the memory place have told me not to come visit until Monday, they want Mom to get used to the routine, the meals, and hopefully make a few friends.
When Mom was nasty to the Family Friend, she kept saying how angry she was at me for not telling her ahead of time. NOT that she would have remembered anyway.
I will continue to keep you posted, in the meantime, I'm catching up on laundry, going to go out to dinner with friends, and going to put in some decent hours at work this week!
Thanks everyone for all the support, it's been so helpful.
I will let you know how the art class visit goes!
There were a few questions about how long she was supposed to stay, but no crying! Yay! Tomorrow the caregiver takes Mom to the gym to work out with the personal trainer, and I know that will go over well.
We sat with her at lunch, but we had already eaten, then we walked in the courtyard a little bit. I brought her a book by her favorite author, one of her cups that she likes to drink her Diet Coke in, and a card that someone mailed to her from back home. When we left I told her we had to go to the office, but that I would be coming to have breakfast with her in the morning, so she liked that....all in all, it was a decent visit.
The caretaker is going to take her to play cribbage tomorrow at the senior center for her first outing, and Wednesday I'm going by to join in the art class with Mom.
I will keep you posted.
Mom has been nothing but nice to me, other then telling me today that I looked pudgy and asking if I was expecting another baby! UGH!
She has been asking about moving back in with me, and I usually try to avoid the subject if I can. Telling her its memory therapy prescribed by the doctor usually gets me the response of "BS" so the last time she brought it up, how living with me would be better then the "jail" I told her that it really wouldn't be any better....she can't just leave and go do what she wants. Her therapist has been working a lot on that concept with her too, and I believe it's a really hard thing for Mom to accept, if ever.
One thing is for sure, her NOT living in my home has made me a much better person when I am with her, I'm not panicking anymore, my appetite is back to its normal ravenous level, and I am able to enjoy Mom most of the time.
She called a couple nights ago, sobbing and begging to come live with me, which was heartbreaking--but I know it would be a mistake.
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