And what behaviors are not? If there is such a thing. The neurophycologist said it would be hard to tell. This would help me so much in dealing with my husband.
His angry outbursts, not sleeping, anti-social, moodiness. Dependency when I am home. How do you set boundaries when you are not sure where the behavior is coming from? I do sometimes lose it with his constant demands. There has got to be a way to live peacefully.
I no longer try to figure out what is a personality disorder, what is her or what is VaD. I just can't...it was driving me crazy! Now. I just look at her behaviors as her/dementia. I know it probably isn't making sense...right?
This is what I have learned through this forum, research, and living with it!
My mother's brain is broken therefore, may not realize how she is behaving or/and she may not be connecting what she is doing or saying is causing hurt or pain. JoAnn who is on this forum along with others say, "they become children." So when my mother yells about whatever it is that has her upset I 1) ask her to calm down and talk to me. Sometimes this works and sometimes not so much. If she doesn't calm down I leave the room. If she was a child I would not let her have a tantrum and be her audience; therefore, I leave the room. When she calms down then I try to talk to her. Now, all of this depends where the person is with dementia (stages). My mother is somewhere in 3 to 4 and at times 5. So, she can still be reasonable at time and at other times--not so much. All of this is learning how to tell where your LO is at. Example, I know when my mother is not all there (fog, is what I call it) she answers in very short answers. Yes, no, I know! When she is lucid than she will answer in full sentences. Make sense? Have I lost you yet?
2) I don't try to reason with her. She believes whatever she believes. I only correct her if it is for safety issues.
3) I set my boundaries to what I can live with. Example, I will not let her talk to me any way she feels like--disease or no disease. So, if she is nasty to me I leave the room, if I have to I will go outdoors. Now this works if someone else is in the house or it is a day where my mother is to tired to get out of bed or walk downstairs.
Remember with VaD they have a damage heart so they don't have the energy to keep up with their outburst. So walking away is one of the best ways I have found that works for my situation. My mother is learning in a weird way that she won't get what she wants by yelling and being nasty. Plus, I Do Not jump every time she wants something. I know what she can do and not do. As people here have stated "it is best for them to do for themselves when they can." I set the rules or timeline as far as cooking, going to the store, etc...
It is pretty normal for them to sleep a lot. As far as the depression, anxiety, outbursts there is medications. I had my mother's Dr prescripted anti-depression and anti-anxiety and with some behavior teaching it has gotten better. This all takes time and it really is a learning curve.
I hope that this helps. VaD is very different from other dementias.
Check out this forum there is a lot of caring people here that have been a caregiver or is one that can help you on this path.
Hugs!!!
Sometimes it hard to tell but no matter the cause, if she’s on a tear and I can’t change the conversation, time to exit the area.
personally I cannot wait for the time she loses the ability to be manipulative and cruel and the dementia takes over the narcissism.
I’ve asked my Moms neurologist how I’ll know the difference between her stroke (bleeding brain), dementia or UTI’s. So right now they’re treating the dementia. We’re in the medication phase to see which one may possibly help. I hate this b/c then you have to go thru another personality change.
Has his Dr recommended seroquel (quetiapine) to relax him?
This is definitely a long hard road we’ve got in front of us!
I love this site b/c so many ppl feel your pain!