The silent generation; Why don't our elderly parents and loved ones speak up when they require care?

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The silent generation; Why don't our elderly parents and loved ones speak up when they require care?

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My mother was extremely needy especially after my stepfather died in 2011. My father became estranged from me when he married my stepmother in 1978. My mother died in 2014 at age 82 and my father age 92 is now in a nursing home with dementia. Both were from the depression era, yet exact opposites in their relationship with me. Both grew up in totally opposite family dynamics. My father's was a close nit italian family that immigrated from Italy whereas my mother's parents were divorced when she was very young. Boils down to independent upbringing (father) vs needy upbringing (mother). Family dynamics tends to set the precedence for future individual situations.

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So, would you like to admit you need help? Most of us regardless of the generation the media has assigned us prefer to be independent and autonomous and not "bother" others whether it be family or friends. No one wants to be seen as needy. We don't want to admit to failing health, diminishing hearing, vision or physical abilities; or to our fears of falling, slipping on ice. We don't want to be a burden to our children or family/friends. Sometimes people think they are managing just find...and the need is in the eye of the beholder. I think resistance is the norm...and if you are asking because someone in your family needs help, tread slowly and gently; ease into offering the help whether with cleaning, transportation, shopping...maybe a local office on aging can provide independent services so your loved one can still hang on to their dignity and independence. Sometimes it may take a crisis for someone to wake up and smell the coffee...

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Maybe it is because most people will not listen to us. Have you noticed the cruel, negative comments written to this site? When I see a kind, positive comment I whisper a prayer of thanks.

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My wife and I are part of the Silent Generation. I was a long-distance caretaker for my mother. We both have LTC policies and have been married 52 years. We were brought up to believe that you stood on your own two feet, without asking for help from anyone. We helped each other. It is very difficult, after a lifetime of taking care of ourselves, to ask for help and we don't. Our children have their own lives and families. They don't need our problems. They do keep track of us and constantly offer help. Unfortunately, there are now things we cannot physically do, and we reluctantly have to enlist the aid of one of our sons-in-law. Our kids get upset when they find out we did something they don't think we should have done. As long as we are able, we will continue to do what we can. Hope this gives a little insight into the Silent Generation.

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My late parents would have agreed with you.

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I think that sometimes people don’t realize that they need help and obviously wouldn’t ask for something they don’t think they need. Especially if dementia is involved, it tends to skew one’s perspective. Sadly, it can come to a sudden realization that assistance was needed when a loved one gets hurt or ends up harming another taking everyone by surprise and throwing a family into turmoil trying to figure out how to best help.

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The Silent Generation and the Baby Boomers what a combination to be the first group to figure out the the sorrows and joys of an extended life. Boomers, get used to the fact that your elders will need help. Silent Generation: this is the time you will find out if your children were raised to be proactive or unwilling.

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Here are some of the reasons I think the silent ones, keep silent.
They were brought up to keep their problems to themselves, "airing their dirty laundry for all the world to see" is considered, by them, to be unacceptable. They prefer to handle those problems themselves.
They are reluctant to be a burden to others.
They grew up in a time when nursing homes were nightmare institutions to be avoided and they fear being sent to one worse than they fear death.
The are embarrassed to admit they need help (pride).
They fear losing everything they have worked a lifetime to have. They want to leave these things to their children rather than watch them slip away to the "greedy" hands of doctors, carers and government facilities.
They don't want their loved ones to worry about them.
They have lived free and wish to die free.
They are in denial about the true state of their own health and financial affairs.
They are a generation of doers and self makers who see their own weakness as something to be despised even though at the same time they are sympathetic to the weakness of others.

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You nailed it faeriefiles. Perfect answer to The Silent Generation Question. Our Parents and their Generation had such a powerfully strong endurance they never moaned or whined or complained but offered up their suffering as Pennance. That was their way as they were born into a World of suffering, Bless Them.

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Thank you all! I'm in catch-up mode (but I promise to read and answer each one of everyone's posts) because I've had to attend to some health issues.

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I suspect that because the changes are very gradual in many cases, there doesn't appear a specific time at which the "aha--we need help" moment arrives. People may think "I handled the situation yesterday, I'm doing it again today, so I'll probably be able to do it again tomorrow" so barring a serious fall or other health emergency, life goes on and people get used to the gradual change. The same people gradually do without certain things, such as eating well, cleaning themselves and their home, and taking care of financial matters until it is left to someone else to point out that their lifestyle has become inadequate and/or unsafe.

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Some don't want to complain. Some feel they would be viewed as a whiner. Some don't want to be taken to a doctor, ultimately they don't want to know if something major is wrong. Some don't want to feel forced to leave their home. And as one ages, some are no longer able to tell you what they are feeling, what hurts, just as a baby cannot tell you. There are many reasons, depending on the person.

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The silent generation; Why don't our elderly parents and loved ones speak up when they require care?

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