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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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Im full time caretaker for mom 73, diabetic, Alzheimer's w/Dementia diagnosed last Summer. Daddy 88. Im so exhausted all the time and don't know when I can take real break. Always something to do. All I do these days is cry.
Reach out. It is rare that there is truly nothing that can be done to give yourself a break, there may be friends or family who would step in if you have the courage to ask. Be reasonable but specific about your needs... just one afternoon away might be a place to start. In the long term you will feel more in control if you are able to come up with a plan. You obviously can't continue the way things are, so decide what you are still willing and able to do. If they need paid caregivers or to move then explore ways to get it done. If you tell us more about yourself we can offer more specific advice. It's OK, we're here for you. ((hugs))
I guess Im so exhausted now. I can't even come up with a plan. Have keep going bcuz there is noone else do it right now. I am gonna look into meal on wheels cuz that would help alot. I do have siblings that come down 4 weekend help out but I haven't been going anywhere when they do come. I have lost myself while taking care of them so I don't know how to relax. I went to hotel Saturday night couldn't rest, eat, just cried,felt guilty leaving parents, mad bcuz had go start back over sunday. So n my eyes it was waste of $. ,I just need a real break at least 3 days 3 nights. Not responsible anyone but me. Do nothing. The issue is $ bcuz Im on fixed income, not being paid much take care of them. Finances are major issue. So I have to save up 4 it. Moved back home 2 1/2 years ago. No vacation yet. Parents r still able walk, hygiene needs, but I do all cooking, driving,grocery shopping, etc,
It seems to me you are placing too much importance on you being there, but I may not have all the info yet.
Dad is 88, but is he still competent? Why can he not supervise your mom?
Neither one needs assistance with mobility, bathing or toileting yet?
You gave up your job to move in, are you not being compensated? If not then visiting a lawyer and drawing up a caregiving contract should be a number one priority... how will you manage your own old age if you impoverish yourself now?
Mom is only 73, she can easily live another decade, and although dad may seem old at 88 many men are now living into their late 90s. As they become more frail and dependent your burdens will only increase. Be sure you understand what the future may hold, do you see yourself still there in ten years providing physical care?
WOW! I need go counseling talk through feeling. You have some great points. I need a Care Plan. I have health issues and have been on disability since 2013. Im trying improve my health problems so I can work again. I guess I haven't looked at big picture realistically how long this could last. I am trying pay off my car so that would help me financially.
U r right. I can't do this long term. Im always exhausted, never rested now and its only get worse. My coping skills r n need of improvement. Its depressing me to think what lies ahead of me. Im only 44, single, no kids, not dating anyone? When do I have time. I need to find myself again. Thanks! U have given me a reality check.
Hi , ive got the same problem for 6 trs straight , recently i stopped fulltime work & its worse , its been 24/7 for 6 yrs And carer stress gets worse! Call the age care assessment persons & tell them! Ring tge carer help line & tell them! Get a social worker envolved & tell them! There is respite at home or in a nursing home! All the help lines will give you advise! Try everything! Get community help at home & in a government facility where carers or helpers come to the house & help for...? Depends on your government set up ! Or people cone to pick up your folks for the day ! Or there are day centres for dementia elders or 1 month facility respite where your folks are looked after by nurses in a nursing home for 1 wk or 1 month...or if you have money pay cash for home carer respite or there is gvt goverment high care .../ dementia help!!! Im in oz , you are in ? States? In any event its a hard maze cause the system has left my mum & me down and no matter how many doors i knocked on non of them opened i had to force my way in to get mum correct medical help for oarkinson , dementia,... And non of my siblings helped except for my bro when he was is the country but unless you get real help eg gvt assistance 5 hours a day at least for free with high care carer help for a couple of months you will get sick mentally & physically!!! Oh yeah my mum refuses nursing homes & her meds are all wrong & tge system make her sick by misdiagnosing her for 25 yrs thats how she hot parkinsons & i think the drugs most elders take kills their brain cells & in some cases they just call it dementia ... Their medication side effects cause real damage ! Get help from anyone cause you will get very sick cause thats what will gappen if you continue! Depression will get worse & then how will you save yourself! Remember family or people who refuse to help you are time wasters if its government well report them ! If its family well move on cause you cannot force peopke to love you or help you! You will find most people will abandon you so do not let that make you sad! It is what it is! So only associate with people who will help you !
Also if your folks own their home, get power of attorney & place their house under your name if you are the only family fulltime carer this will help everyone later especially you otherwise in oz the lawyers & nursing homes take most elderly assets & the care you give is priceless !
my mom fell and broke two lower ribs 3 days ago. She is 93 and has later stages of dementia. I am by myself caring for her with the help of a caregiver thank god for that! I got VA aid and attendance in which, I am so grateful. I am told things will get worst and I know but I guess I don't want to hear it. I guess I just fell depress like this will never end does this sound terrible. I love my mom but it should have been different. I just hope my children are not faced with the same situation. I guess I am feeling sorry for my self and I know I need some release and I just feel bad for the fall and sad because of her pain. I guess I need to vent...thank you
Losing one's self to care giving an elderly parent is easy to do and we all know its h3ll. My story of burnout actually cost me my health earlier this year. Last fall my folks were in a terrible situation (mom in recovery after a brain injury, dad ill and in the hospital) and they had to come back to be near their kids who were nearly 150 miles away. None of my siblings stepped up. It was just me and my husband. I won't even bore you with the details of getting them up here but we did it. They are now in an assisted living place that is about 2 miles from us and a good one. However....the stress and depression this caused me broke down my immune system. I easily caught pneumonia in January which took me about three months to finally rid myself of because of the damage it does to one’s body. Stress and depression will break down your immune system! Be careful! It was a great lesson to be learned! I love them both but they have lived life, owned homes, traveled extensively, had a family, done just about everything they have ever wanted to do. It’s the way life is supposed to be. I couldn't be happier for them. All I need to do it visit and make sure they are OK. But I won't get drawn into the drama anymore. Dad needs to get a POA now. I refuse to take it. I have advised them both to use their CPA friend of 30 years and they have agreed. He will also be their executor. I have no guilt. I have been a very good daughter. I am so damn lucky they are living where they are but they did lived with us for nearly a month before they got in. I almost went out of my mind! I really feel for so many of you that have elderly parents at home. I would be dead by now if my parents lived here permanently. My parents come over here about once a week and it’s an OK visit. I am trying to encourage them to reach out to the people at their facility. Super nice folks there! It all takes time. This will get worse as the years progress and believe me I would far rather get a call from their facility that one of them passed away in their sleep. What a blessing for them! We baby boomers that are helping our aging parents let's remember these days when we get older. Don't allow your family to give up their lives for you. Not fair! Save your money! Make sure you have a place to go. Make sure your directive is honored and not allow someone that can override it due to emotion! Make sure your living trust is in place. Death is not to be feared. It’s a part of life. I am 53 and hoping I will live as long as my parents at 83 and beyond. Our time on earth is limited. Another thing I learned after all this is the following…. There are worse things than death. For example: being kept alive by ventilators, peg tubes, sleeping 20 hours a day, can’t even get to the bathroom without help, diapers, dementia, no driving, pate foods, need I go on? Not going to be me.
It's my experience that the depression/resentments/burnouts come in waves. Sometimes doing all those things was the most rewarding "job", other times it was such a heavy load that I would do my "job" then go to straight to bed and cry.
I regret not getting respite care sooner. I searched and found a good local company that I could hire on an hourly basis (2 hour min. at $20 p/hr) to come in and help out with light house keeping and companionship for my mother, allowing me time to myself to go shopping, go to lunch with a friend, or go to a movie.
Give yourself a break. Going to a hotel is a great idea. You might try it again, and approach it as a vacation. Because it is! You won't be much help to your mom if you don't take care of yourself too.
Good luck, I know how hard this is. I'll say it again, give yourself a break, you've earned it. You're doing a great job! Pat yourself on the back and be proud everything you do. Your mother is lucky to have you :)
I have been my mothers care giver for 4 years. Now she is accusing me of taking her money, cloths, and meds. She even canceled her debit card. I have done nothing but give to her I have bought food meds ect. Its like now she expects everything out of me and gives nothing in return I don't expect to be paid just a thank you great job but nothing its to the point that I come home crying. I only did this because I thought my dad would want me to take care of her. I have siblings but they don't help just have there hand out. I think I am at the end of this whole thing.
WOW! That's must be heartbreaking that your mom treats you like that. Maybe you need to go talk it over with a friend before completely stopping helping her. You don't want any regrets. You may have Caregiver Burnout. Look up some info about it. It maybe time to look into alternative living options for your mom, nursing home or assisted living facility. You must take care of yourself as well. Accept your feelings bout this situation and make a decision that you can live with. Good luck.
I can relate with you regarding the burnout I feel the same at times and other times I do ok! I am hoping the day will not come that I have to put my mom in a place but I do have to think of my health. My mom is 93 and is stabile at this time. She had sundowners and acted crazy. I ended up going to a neurologist and she prescribed Neudexta its a newer medication and she is better. I count my blessings for that! My mom would go on these itching tangents and it was crazy and really stress me out. I was looking into the alzheimers association for listing of support groups. also, I received aid and attendance for my mom through the VA and that helps with her care too. I wish you a lot of luck with your mom and just know there is support out here.
I just want to say to anybody who is a caregiver to an ailing relative--go to your local Office on Aging or whatever your version of that is. State lotteries monies go toward senior care services. I just found this out about a year ago and did not realize it but our state (PA) has something called the "Waiver Program". This program provides free at home nurse's aides, nurses, Physical Therapists and Occupational Therapists. You can also get needed supplies at home through Medicare and prescriptions from your loved one's doctor. We are having a hospital bed delivered today that Medicare and Medicaid is providing along with bathroom handicap supplies and other necessaries like compression stockings. Talk to your loved one's doctor about these things. The Waiver Program in my state also can provide a ramp or a walk in shower installed free of charge if it is necessary. If we didn't get this kind of help, I'd be in the wacky ward right now.
Along with what AstridK said, I would check with what ever insurance you are using and see if they subcontract nurse registries or HHA's to help the client at home. I work with Compassionate Care, a nurse registry in South Florida and we have clients that are covered by the state and we send aides to their homes, instead of billing them we bill their insurance company. It's kind of like preventative care. It'll take some calls and research to achieve but in the end i think it will give you the piece of mind you need. Good Luck! They are lucky to have such a caring and loving child.
Ive been a caregiver for 2 years now. It get tiring. I am burned out. I watch over my neighbor too as her kids are west coast. I help with repairs around her house. It is nice as she thanks me for helping. As for my situation with dad it gets old fast. I cant really take vacation. Maybe with my daughter moving in temporarily for work I can get away for a week. He has no medical issues but it is just the living together that gets old. I cont talk to my wife without him in on the conversation. I know it is hard for him but it is worse for me. Not sure if I need to talk to someone or not. My wife and I talk but it is always complaining about the situation, we try to listen to each other and give a united front. I talk with friends but it ends up me complaining and they really don't care nor get it.
I knew I had caregiver burnout when I would find myself shaking and couldn't stop. Even though I was under my own roof and my parents under their own, it was the constant worry about them living on their own in their single family home which had a lot of stairs. My Mom refused caregivers or people to come in to help her clean. And my folks were in their mid-to-late 90's, and Dad was a fall risk. And I was their "kid" and what did I know :P
How I wished I could turn back time, I would have done things so much differently. Such as the slightest hint of burnout I should have chatted with my primary doctor about that. But silly me, I thought I could charge ahead and handle it on my own, without help of calming medicine or talk therapy with a therapist who was familiar with caregiving :(
Seven years later, after crashing and burning from stress, I am trying to crawl my way back.... primary doctor is trying different calming meds to see which ones would work, without having all the known side effects that is written on the pamphlet :P And I am trying to find a therapist who will take Medicare, not easy. Geeze, this is the time when us seniors could use such help by Medicare.
UN-believable..... This weekend I moved my daughter and her husband into our home for a short stay while they look for a place to live. They both have new jobs here. I am very happy about this that I get my daughter closer to me after 10 years. Of course there will be ups and downs but it will be good. So I leave dad alone for the day. Ask him to let the dogs out. We get home at 5 after all day moving and unloading at storage. Winds picked up and a small hurricane ensued as we got out of the cars. Power was out so I get to the back door and he is there, standing in the way as I try to get the door open to let the rest of the family in. I final get the generator on and see him bandaged up on his hand. I ask what happened and "oh I cut myself making zucchini, its only 12 stitches"..... He just about cut his finger tip off. He said "I cleaned it all up and drove my self to convenient care". So we look, he did somewhat OK, but blood all over the cabinets, had to re clean all the dishes and knives.... We just had this conversation about not frying in the house..... so as soon as we leave what does he do? He makes zucchini to fry up.... due to the injury he did not finish.... so now I have to worry about him hurting himself just cooking... I left the house for 10 hours.... It is always something. I leave the house and he does what we ask him not to and something ensues... Now we have 3 dogs, his, mine and my daughters. So he closes his door to the living room to keep the new dog out.... it's OK, we don't need the AC..... he complains if the other dog comes into his living room. His dog (est 14 years old) is hacking up a storm and he thinks 'oh its allergies". I say, "take him to the vet" I figure the dog had a serious issue, its been going on for days".... He doesn't want to because it will cost him money and he is planning to visit family next month....
It is like living with a child, "don't do that", he does.... It's all about him.... he does not come out to talk to his grand daughter unless it is time to eat.... I'm done trying"..... I need a vacation, now that I have 2 adults here maybe I can......
I completely understand your pain. I know it's not easy. It does not last forever, but you should know in the process that you are not alone.
I run. I run and I run and I run. To stay somewhat grounded because my family is non recovered alcoholic adult children. My mom is an alcoholic and dad is her enabler.
This speeds up the process of years left - drains sanity and intensifies the view from my front row seat.
I spent my morning in tears.
But I run.
My dog just died of cancer and she was my closest friend and companion. I isolate. Nobody wants to date or marry someone my age or situation. Ive tried. My kids are far away.
Keep our body moving. That's what I do. I fuel it with good food and go to 12 step meetings to reframe my shitty upbringing. I continue so I can learn to accept myself and not try to change others with grace. How'my doin? LOL
I also got insurance through the state because I went yrs without it after divorce and losing everything. Stupid divorce. So now I go to therapy once per week but it is the 12 step that saved me from suicide.
This is a contination .. i am just learning about these blogs. I was saying, i have struggled with my own health issues becore my husbands brain injury. In the last 5years he has gone from highly functional brain to confused dementia. Every day we spend at least 2hrs for him to figure out that i am his wife, where the rest of the family is, why ae moved 1.5yrs ago, etc. He cannot be left unsupervised which you all understand. It is becoming more difficult toget up evey morning. I have already completed all the recommended legal changes. He qualifies for state aid which is blessing. They provide care giver 14 hrs a week. I realize it is no longer enough. I am not quite sure what to do next. I value your experiences!!!!
I have taken care of my mother for the past 6 years. Caregiver burnout yes I have that my mother is unable to care for herself yes she is getting worst. She has Alzheimer's & Dementia I chose to quite my job to take care of her yes it's hard but I refuse to put her in a nursing or assisted livings home. I have siblings that help when it's convenient for them do I complain yes I do it does no good. I found a program in my st that offers a lot of services & will pay you for taking care of your parent with a 2 week paid vacation for you. It's called caregivers home.
My husband is 90, I am 78...I am (was) lively...Whew high bp just about does me in after I go to sleep...It wakes me up and I spend the night on the massager to get it down before the med takes effect. Whew...Anyone in the same boat?
I am wired...BP very high...especially after I go to sleep...whew... My husband has most of the conditions on the list...I give him 17 pills a day Was Bi-polar on the list?...hmmm
I saw you're post and wanted to let you know you're not alone. I sympathize with you because I too am in the same boat with you. I am exhausted all the time, don't know when I can take a break either. I always have something to do too. I feel like crying but I refuse to cry and I am only helping one person--my father, let alone two people like you have. I cling to the hope that someday I will reap my reward(s). If you are truly helping your parents with love in your heart I believe you WILL BE rewarded. I try to hold onto the idea that God only gives us what we can handle.
I feel like I should let you in on an embarrassing secret of mine. I have let myself become so preoccupied with caring for my dad that I have had no time for anything else but him. As a result, household duties have gotten ahead of me and we now have mice which have found their way into some of our food. I feel that if I had had more time to get things done, the mice would not have come into our home. I'm trying to wash curtains which were coated with dust today while the mouse in the house could be heard ripping into something. I felt like crying but I told myself "no."
I have very little help from family and friends. When they do help they want to do whatever it is fast and furious. Sometimes it's not worth asking for help is how I feel at times. I'm not sure what your situation is with your family and friends.
I don't know about other people but I have been thinking lately that our government needs to do something to help those people who become caregivers for family and friends. especially those who quit their jobs to become caregivers and are keeping parents, etc. out of the nursing homes.
There are respite facilities that could care for your parents for you to get a break. I would recommend go online to find quick inexpensive getaways and find a friend or family member that will go with you so that you don't have so much free time to think about the guilt. There are ways of finding affordable getaways on social media (craig's list, local tourist boards, airbnb, etc.) Even bring a really good book you have been wanting to read and psyche yourself out beforehand that you will let nothing stand in your way of relaxing and doing what YOU want even if that is to simply walk every day for 5 miles and listen to music. Go hiking, go by the ocean, go in the mountains, etc. That is how I escape at least for that little while and I feel not only no guilt, but revived for another short period. Look for ways every day to do something you like - sit outside in the sun reading a book, walk to the store if you only need a few things, etc. I hope this helps.
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Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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In the long term you will feel more in control if you are able to come up with a plan. You obviously can't continue the way things are, so decide what you are still willing and able to do. If they need paid caregivers or to move then explore ways to get it done.
If you tell us more about yourself we can offer more specific advice. It's OK, we're here for you. ((hugs))
Dad is 88, but is he still competent? Why can he not supervise your mom?
Neither one needs assistance with mobility, bathing or toileting yet?
You gave up your job to move in, are you not being compensated? If not then visiting a lawyer and drawing up a caregiving contract should be a number one priority... how will you manage your own old age if you impoverish yourself now?
Mom is only 73, she can easily live another decade, and although dad may seem old at 88 many men are now living into their late 90s. As they become more frail and dependent your burdens will only increase. Be sure you understand what the future may hold, do you see yourself still there in ten years providing physical care?
And carer stress gets worse!
Call the age care assessment persons & tell them! Ring tge carer help line & tell them! Get a social worker envolved & tell them! There is respite at home or in a nursing home! All the help lines will give you advise! Try everything! Get community help at home & in a government facility where carers or helpers come to the house & help for...? Depends on your government set up ! Or people cone to pick up your folks for the day ! Or there are day centres for dementia elders or 1 month facility respite where your folks are looked after by nurses in a nursing home for 1 wk or 1 month...or if you have money pay cash for home carer respite or there is gvt goverment high care .../ dementia help!!! Im in oz , you are in ? States? In any event its a hard maze cause the system has left my mum & me down and no matter how many doors i knocked on non of them opened i had to force my way in to get mum correct medical help for oarkinson , dementia,... And non of my siblings helped except for my bro when he was is the country but unless you get real help eg gvt assistance 5 hours a day at least for free with high care carer help for a couple of months you will get sick mentally & physically!!! Oh yeah my mum refuses nursing homes & her meds are all wrong & tge system make her sick by misdiagnosing her for 25 yrs thats how she hot parkinsons & i think the drugs most elders take kills their brain cells & in some cases they just call it dementia ... Their medication side effects cause real damage ! Get help from anyone cause you will get very sick cause thats what will gappen if you continue! Depression will get worse & then how will you save yourself! Remember family or people who refuse to help you are time wasters if its government well report them ! If its family well move on cause you cannot force peopke to love you or help you! You will find most people will abandon you so do not let that make you sad! It is what it is! So only associate with people who will help you !
My story of burnout actually cost me my health earlier this year.
Last fall my folks were in a terrible situation (mom in recovery after a brain injury, dad ill and in the hospital) and they had to come back to be near their kids who were nearly 150 miles away. None of my siblings stepped up. It was just me and my husband.
I won't even bore you with the details of getting them up here but we did it. They are now in an assisted living place that is about 2 miles from us and a good one. However....the stress and depression this caused me broke down my immune system. I easily caught pneumonia in January which took me about three months to finally rid myself of because of the damage it does to one’s body. Stress and depression will break down your immune system! Be careful!
It was a great lesson to be learned!
I love them both but they have lived life, owned homes, traveled extensively, had a family, done just about everything they have ever wanted to do. It’s the way life is supposed to be. I couldn't be happier for them.
All I need to do it visit and make sure they are OK. But I won't get drawn into the drama anymore.
Dad needs to get a POA now. I refuse to take it. I have advised them both to use their CPA friend of 30 years and they have agreed. He will also be their executor.
I have no guilt. I have been a very good daughter. I am so damn lucky they are living where they are but they did lived with us for nearly a month before they got in. I almost went out of my mind! I really feel for so many of you that have elderly parents at home.
I would be dead by now if my parents lived here permanently. My parents come over here about once a week and it’s an OK visit. I am trying to encourage them to reach out to the people at their facility. Super nice folks there! It all takes time. This will get worse as the years progress and believe me I would far rather get a call from their facility that one of them passed away in their sleep. What a blessing for them!
We baby boomers that are helping our aging parents let's remember these days when we get older. Don't allow your family to give up their lives for you. Not fair! Save your money! Make sure you have a place to go. Make sure your directive is honored and not allow someone that can override it due to emotion! Make sure your living trust is in place. Death is not to be feared. It’s a part of life. I am 53 and hoping I will live as long as my parents at 83 and beyond.
Our time on earth is limited. Another thing I learned after all this is the following….
There are worse things than death. For example: being kept alive by ventilators, peg tubes, sleeping 20 hours a day, can’t even get to the bathroom without help, diapers, dementia, no driving, pate foods, need I go on? Not going to be me.
I regret not getting respite care sooner. I searched and found a good local company that I could hire on an hourly basis (2 hour min. at $20 p/hr) to come in and help out with light house keeping and companionship for my mother, allowing me time to myself to go shopping, go to lunch with a friend, or go to a movie.
Give yourself a break. Going to a hotel is a great idea. You might try it again, and approach it as a vacation. Because it is! You won't be much help to your mom if you don't take care of yourself too.
Good luck, I know how hard this is. I'll say it again, give yourself a break, you've earned it. You're doing a great job! Pat yourself on the back and be proud everything you do. Your mother is lucky to have you :)
How I wished I could turn back time, I would have done things so much differently. Such as the slightest hint of burnout I should have chatted with my primary doctor about that. But silly me, I thought I could charge ahead and handle it on my own, without help of calming medicine or talk therapy with a therapist who was familiar with caregiving :(
Seven years later, after crashing and burning from stress, I am trying to crawl my way back.... primary doctor is trying different calming meds to see which ones would work, without having all the known side effects that is written on the pamphlet :P And I am trying to find a therapist who will take Medicare, not easy. Geeze, this is the time when us seniors could use such help by Medicare.
We just had this conversation about not frying in the house..... so as soon as we leave what does he do? He makes zucchini to fry up.... due to the injury he did not finish.... so now I have to worry about him hurting himself just cooking...
I left the house for 10 hours.... It is always something. I leave the house and he does what we ask him not to and something ensues...
Now we have 3 dogs, his, mine and my daughters. So he closes his door to the living room to keep the new dog out.... it's OK, we don't need the AC..... he complains if the other dog comes into his living room. His dog (est 14 years old) is hacking up a storm and he thinks 'oh its allergies". I say, "take him to the vet" I figure the dog had a serious issue, its been going on for days".... He doesn't want to because it will cost him money and he is planning to visit family next month....
It is like living with a child, "don't do that", he does.... It's all about him.... he does not come out to talk to his grand daughter unless it is time to eat.... I'm done trying"..... I need a vacation, now that I have 2 adults here maybe I can......
I run. I run and I run and I run. To stay somewhat grounded because my family is non recovered alcoholic adult children. My mom is an alcoholic and dad is her enabler.
This speeds up the process of years left - drains sanity and intensifies the view from my front row seat.
I spent my morning in tears.
But I run.
My dog just died of cancer and she was my closest friend and companion. I isolate. Nobody wants to date or marry someone my age or situation. Ive tried. My kids are far away.
Keep our body moving. That's what I do. I fuel it with good food and go to 12 step meetings to reframe my shitty upbringing. I continue so I can learn to accept myself and not try to change others with grace. How'my doin? LOL
I also got insurance through the state because I went yrs without it after divorce and losing everything. Stupid divorce. So now I go to therapy once per week but it is the 12 step that saved me from suicide.
HUGS
In the last 5years he has gone from highly functional brain to confused dementia. Every day we spend at least 2hrs for him to figure out that i am his wife, where the rest of the family is, why ae moved 1.5yrs ago, etc.
He cannot be left unsupervised which you all understand.
It is becoming more difficult toget up evey morning. I have already completed all the recommended legal changes. He qualifies for state aid which is blessing. They provide care giver 14 hrs a week. I realize it is no longer enough. I am not quite sure what to do next. I value your experiences!!!!
My husband has most of the conditions on the list...I give him 17 pills a day
Was Bi-polar on the list?...hmmm
I feel like I should let you in on an embarrassing secret of mine. I have let myself become so preoccupied with caring for my dad that I have had no time for anything else but him. As a result, household duties have gotten ahead of me and we now have mice which have found their way into some of our food. I feel that if I had had more time to get things done, the mice would not have come into our home. I'm trying to wash curtains which were coated with dust today while the mouse in the house could be heard ripping into something. I felt like crying but I told myself "no."
I have very little help from family and friends. When they do help they want to do whatever it is fast and furious. Sometimes it's not worth asking for help is how I feel at times. I'm not sure what your situation is with your family and friends.
I don't know about other people but I have been thinking lately that our government needs to do something to help those people who become caregivers for family and friends. especially those who quit their jobs to become caregivers and are keeping parents, etc. out of the nursing homes.