They say she is batting and hitting this same lady. The lady can't hear so she touches people all day long and wanders around. The unit says this lady "hears" by touching. They tried to make me sit with her but I had surgery on my throat 2 weeks ago and I can't talk. The surgery went bad and I'm exhausted. I think this place is not a good place for Mom. If we have to pay the place and sitters, I might as well take her home and have caregivers there. I don't know what to do!
Hoping you and your Mama are okay.
I hope it all goes well with the new place
happy thanksgiving 🍁🦃🍽
She is going to go to the next nearest city to a very nice place. It is a stand alone Memory Care place. There is a lot more room to roam around, and her room is wonderful. Sister came and helped me move her stuff and husband unpacked the stuff we didn't want to leave. We saw staff everywhere, even though it was the weekend. Also the staff was eating the same food. Prayers people that this place can keep my Mama!
My mom does seem to do better with the kind, one on one attention of the sitter, but the additional cost is a bit overwhelming. We had sitters for 14 days in a row, and now I've cut it way back, but am trying to find a middle ground. Maybe 3 or 4 hours, 3 times a week, just to have that additional attention and care?
The memory care has a zero tolerance for any sort of hitting, and that is understandable. It's just awful when it's YOUR mom doing the hitting, and she never did such things before.
It helps me to remember the following. It's not her, it's the dementia. This happens to many people with dementia. They are seeing, hearing, and experiencing things that are not there, and that's difficult to accept.
I don't have any brilliant answers for you, just commiseration. I am trying to find the best path going forward, too.
Where the bejesus are you going to find that?
I just looked up 'recommended staffing ratios in dementia care.' It seems to range from 1:3 to 1:6, with allowances made for the seniority of staff.
There doesn't seem to be any way of measuring the special human qualities you find in the best units' teams, though. Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could bottle them?
Bless you bless you bless you for being such a good and constructive advocate for your mother. Here's to her finding a place where she's much happier - and safe from wandering hands!
It kind of begs the question, why can't they provide someone to do some one on one attention every day? Even if it's just to take a walk outside of the unit, that helps.
It's staggering to see just how many people it really does take to take care of the elderly. It takes a village, for sure.
Agree with everyone else that the touchy lady should be kept out of general circulation if she is doing this to other people too.
I assume that Mom is not lashing out at anyone else.
soon,
madge - good suggestions, I know you have a lot of experience.
sorry about your own health situation at the moment and hope you get better soon
your post makes my head want to explode as you could be describing hoca except the situation really has to deteriorate for them to send someone out on a 5051 hold
you say they hung up on your sister so are you the only POA? Are there any other options for mom nearby ?
if mom is not invading anyone else's space and cooperates with staff for ADLs, then they should not be sending her out
have you observed how staff interacts with the other non hearing lady? I'm only suspecting, but I'd say this is the issue- they aren't redirecting the lady since they can't communicate with her
Some types of dementia have spatial issues and folks walk around touching things including other people - it is a rare occasion that someone doesn't come up when I'm visiting mom and either touch her wheelchair or something on our table and if they're approaching me from behind she can still sometimes give a warning
since you say mom is private pay, I suspect this also is the other reason, they are not doing much with the other lady - they might put up with a lot to keep a bed filled -
definetely, get as much info as you can while mom is in the geriatric ward
does mom's facility have a social worker? If not, ask for the ombudsman to attend the next care meeting upon her return and work out a set of expectations
ultimately, if they can't or won't meet expectations then you have to decide to leave or stay - I've been stuck in this frustration for nearly 3 years
This does seem unfair to your Mom if your Mom is only reacting to this lady that touches people.
I really don’t see the reasoning behind your Mom being sent to a behavior unit for her reaction to this woman. Are they sending her out so that her meds can be tweaked so that she won’t react? Completely unfair to your Mom in my opinion.
I don’t buy the “ she hears with her hands”.
Maybe if the “toucher” was blind she might “see with her hands”, but not hear with her hands.
If your Mom is self pay is it possible to move Mom as far away from the “touching lady” within the facility as possible?
Have you had a meeting with the staff? Maybe, like with my mom, there is more going on than you’re aware of.
If it's the latter, then it seems really unjust to remove your mother. And not just unjust, but also not great management - I mean, how do the other residents respond to Mrs Feely?
My mom has been in the geri psych hospital too twice since September, and just got back out three weeks ago. I'm kind of playing it by ear right now. She is in an ALF type environment but her social worker did say that at some point if she continues to have psychiatric episodes there she will need NH care, and the lady gave me info for a NH here that specializes in seniors who are mentally ill that I believe does take Medicaid.
Something like that might be a good option for your mom, especially if she struggles with long term mental health issues.
I'm really sorry you are going through this, and having just had a rough surgery to boot has to be super stressful. Hopefully the hospital can give you some options.
How difficult. It seems that is mom is just picking on this one lady that the facility should be doing something more to keep them apart. Have you tried a private caregiver on a temporary basis to try to understand this situation better? But we all know about staffing problems at facilities. To send mom to geriatric psych facility because of this one problem is strange. Are you sure there isn't something else going on? The facility may not be appropriate for mom. But another, she would probably find someone else to dislike.
There is a fellow resident with a hearing impairment who wanders about the place touching people. (I don't quite follow how this works for her. How does touch replace sound? But I'm sure they know their resident.)
And your mother is expected to process and retain the information that this lady's sensory impairment is compensated for by touching, and to tolerate somebody laying hands on her?
I'm not sure who's the most nuts person in the picture!
You'd have thought it would be just as easy to teach the lady with the hearing impairment about appropriate touching as it is to expect your mother to make reasonable accommodations for disability. Maybe it is "just as" easy. I.e. not possible in either case.
Have you met formally with the unit's staff to discuss the point?