My mom has had 24/7 caregivers from an agency for the past 7 weeks to help her adjust to being back home from a TCU where she was for 10 weeks. She is working towards independence and needs some redirection and stand by assistance. She is suffering PTSD and severe anxiety from the TCU experience. She never had to deal with anxiety before and really had a hard time even identifying that it is happening.
She has completed all OT, PT services and has come a long way. She likes routine and is thrown back into OCD behaviors from the anxiety she experiences with new caregivers or caregivers not communicating with her but their phones and also overstepping boundaries, like coloring each others hair while supposedly taking care of her. One also takes the liberty to take showers and wash her own clothes in my mom's washing machine.
I am hesitant about reporting these infractions as the caregivers are ok, mom is familiar with them and I am afraid I could get them fired (doubtful) or reprimanded, and that they will then take it out on my mom or that the replacements will be worse than what we have now.
My mom is very bright and sharp and knows what they are doing and really feels disrespected. She is however not one to rock the boat. She also wants me to have a life and not be the one to stay with her. I have stepped in twice and she is fairly easy to care for if not stressed out.
I am over at her apartment daily and call her several times a day. I am so stressed out that I feel I am in danger of becoming sick. I just want my mom to succeed and be happy.
I don't think I am being unreasonable when I try to get the "good" caregivers on the schedule on a consistent basis. I am communicating with the scheduler/customer service person and evidently there is no one else to report anything to. I am told everyone else only deals with operations and not the day to day care giving or customer satisfaction. Quite a business model.
I am thinking about cutting services back to 2 shorter four hour shifts, which was suggested by our PT person, hoping for more consistency and if my mom is comfortable with the reduction of hours.
It is like I am paying to torture myself. I have also thought about finding some independent caregivers instead of going through an agency. This is a slow process and I think my mom can get back to total independence so this may have to go on for several more months. Any suggestions would be appreciated.
Something like, “Ladies I so appreciate all you do. You are my eyes and look after her when I can’t, and I just wanted you to know that she trusts you, and you all get along really well together. But she’s old, and very proper. I am sorry to say that it does bother her and me when certain liberties are happening, like your own laundry or using our bathroom to shower yourself. I understand how busy you must be, but we just don’t want your own personal business to be done at the house when you’re looking after Mom. I’m sure you understand…”
Trust me. You get more with honey.
That being said, I don’t think it’s completely unreasonable that they do this if they are live-in care, as in, they are there looking after your mom for 12 hours straight. It’s hard to live a life if you’re tied to someone else’s house if you’re there straight 12 hours. That being said, it would have been much more polite if they had just ASKED first.
Still, if you overall like them, I’d try to rectify the situation first while make as few waves as possible.
If you want quality, top-shelf caregivers like myself, with a good work ethic who treats this kind of work as a profession, hire and pay privately. I wouldn't even get out of bed for what a homecare agency offers for employment. You will always get better people. I worked as agency help for a long time and I can tell you that for every one home caregiver like me at an agency, there are probably a thousand who you wouldn't even want in your house. Then I went on my own. Private cases only. My pay increased by more than double. All I did was charge what a care agency charges. Only I'm the one making the money.
Care agencies couldn't care less about whether or not a client is getting quality service. They only concern themselves with putting a worker in a house and collecting the money. You will get nowhere with complaining.
I strongly recommend you use a caregiver website and interview potential hires for your mom. Or keep the agency ones if they're decent and get on well enough with your mother. You can't expect more than that from agency help. When hiring privately, you check out their references yourself and negotiate the pay with the caregivers directly. No middle- man involved and taking a cut for doing nothing. You can hire as many as you need to do round-the-clock for your mom and they will be the same people every time. Not a different face every other day.
Truly this is the only way to go if you want quality care and peace of mind. Good luck.
The ‘taking liberties’ is one of them. If two were there at the same time as the hair coloring exercise, did your mother watch and enjoy it? Did she object, or did she say go ahead? Did she object to the use of her washing machine? Or did she agree because the carer was time poor and found the length of her home cycle difficult (or perhaps sitting waiting in a laundromat)?
It’s possible that this is upsetting you, and your mother is then agreeing with YOU, after first agreeing with THEM. This is a very stressful time for you (not easy for your mother either), and the best advice may be ‘don’t sweat the small stuff’.
I hope that other posters will give other reactions, this is just something to consider.
It surprises me when people talk about in home caregivers the things they feel they are entitled to do. I know they don't get paid great money but that doesn't mean you steal from your client. And it is stealing when you wash your clothes at a clients home. When you sit on your phone and your attention is not directed at the patient. What happened with asking permission.
Showering in my home! Don't think so. Just thinking about it I cringe.
How are they taking care of your mom when they are showering? What if your mom falls? They would need a few minutes to dry off and get changed. Meanwhile mom is on the floor. Unacceptable! Your not running a hotel or hostel.
How are they taking care of your mom when they are folding their laundry? They aren't.
I would skip the agency. Are these college aged kids? It is your home. You are going to have to tell them that the laundry, shower taking, shampooing, coloring hair, hanging out on the phone will stop. Do it on their own time. They must not have enuff to do. That is not what you are paying them for. Your/moms house is not a college dorm.
It would be one thing if they asked and there was a reason for it. Or it was a 1 off. Or they are a beloved caregiver, and you agreed.
If this isn't nipped in the bud, it will lead to more things happening. What happens if they decide to chat with their friend's on the phone for an hour? Bring a boyfriend over and have movie night. Etc. Nip it in the bud or they will take a mile. Actually they already are.
Tell them since you have so much free time on your hands to do your laundry, I need the floor mopped, dusting, strip mom's bedding, clean bathroom. Empty trash etc. Now they will cook a few meals.
Since the agency won't discipline, you will have to set the tone.
Where else can they get paid to work and do hair and laundry? Nowhere.
Since it is your/mom's home you set the rules/tone. You don't have to be mean about it. Just matter of fact.
Say; its come to my attention you 2 girls are doing each other's hair. I'm not paying you for that. The showers and laundry will stop as well. I pay for water and electricity.
Who would like to pay the extra? I can show you the bill. O_o
Then say I want my mom's bed stripped and washed, bathroom towels, mat washed weekly. Kitchen towels washed and mom's clothes. Floor mopped. Have a weekly check list.
I might let the caregiver do 1 load of laundry if she got the other things washed weekly as a perk, and she had no laundry facilities, but the other things no. She would have to be exceptional. This is a job she is being paid for.
I would never think to do that. I think it is disrespectful. If she worked at a hotel she doesn't get a free room to sleep in the bed, and shower in the rooms. It is a job.
It doesn't mean you can't be nice, just matter of fact. Tell them you have cameras set up. They don't know that you dont. That will straighten them up.
You are their boss, not the other way round. If they are going to do anything like that ask first. This is a house not a hostel.
If you don't get a backbone, they will cont to do what they want. Good luck.
Hugs 🤗
I wouldn't have a problem w/someone washing a load of clothes once a week - but more than that is too much. Make a daily task list from your agency contract and have the solo employee check off each task as completed.
Once you allow an employee to do things that they should be doing, it's not an employee problem - it's a problem with employer for not saying anything.
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