My husband died after a 7 month illness and my dad died two weeks to the day after that. My husband and I had been caring for my mom and dad for several years. I still care for my mom. My brother reluctantly came down to FL from NY for my husband's service; his wife did not. Neither one of them came back for my dad. I was left alone (Mom has dementia) to make all arrangements for my dad while going through (and still going through) the most heartbreaking time of my life. I expressed this to my brother just recently (about 6 weeks later), calmly and in the form of an email - his preferred method of communication. His response "Sorry that you feel that way." Should I even bother to mend this fence?
After a few weeks, she developed pneumonia and almost died! Fortunately quick intervention, good treatment , strong will, and the grace of God made her well enough that she is getting stronger in rehab. During this time, I was at the hospital most of the day making sure my almost 90 year old mother know that I wanted her to fight and stay with us, that I cared about her and needed her, that I had waited a long time to have her move in and spend lots of quality time together. I was so scared and grieving the possible loss of my best friend. I was watching her give up one day and struggle the next. I had to be strong for her and make sure all the medical staff knew that I was checking on her and her care every day. I was doing all this by myself with my husband supporting me from home and sending daily reports by text to my 3 brothers and two stepbrothers and a gaggle of grandchildren through Facebook Messenger. One of my brothers and my two steps commented or answered my texts with questions and thanked me for my effort. After 3 days two of my brothers did not answer any texts or phone messages in which I expressed my concern that they were not getting messages. After no response I got very upset and frustrated and talked to my supportive brother and asked him to contact my other brothers and telling them they were assholes. I was so hurt! Well that got a reaction. My brothers ages 61 and 65 said "I'm rubber, you're glue..... Nanny nanny boo boo".
The next day, my 61 year old brother said he didn't appreciate me calling him an asshole and it wasn't a very Christian thing to do. I responded that he could use common courtesy in this situation an show some support when I am taking all the stress upon myself taking care of our mother and as far as being a Christian he knows nothing about it because most of us will readily admit that we are far from perfect and never claim to be. I have seen other families fall apart under the stress of a parents illness but I have been trying so hard to keep everyone in the loop and involved. It was Christmas. We were miserable because she was apologizing to my husband and I for ruining our Christmas. I was feeling powerless and so responsible to my family and this is what I had to deal with. Fortunately, I prayed and prayed and asked others to pray and she is recuperating nicely, but I will never look at my brothers the same again.