Father-in-law got in to a car wreck when my husband was 16 and his memory was never the same after. Totally different, doesn't even remember my husband but he was married to his 2nd wife at the time. She is still married to him but not involved and we would like to bring him to our house cause he is in a nursing home. My husband is the oldest child, how would we go about getting him here with us where he could get out and do things with family?
That said, and assuming you know the sacrifice, we are down now to your FIL. Apparently he is still married to his wife? She then would be the one who put him in care? She would be the one to contact then and offer your home and your life dedicated to the care of her husband. It is up to her. Again, assuming that your husband doesn't have POA.
May I ask how long your FIL has been in care? May I ask what has led you to make this decision for your own and his life at this point? Just curious.
So assuming there is no divorce, your FIL's wife is the Lioness at the Gate.
And who is going to do most of the care. We have had members post that a DH has brought Mom or Dad home to live and felt the wife should do all the caregiving. Do you want to be responsible for bathing, toileting and dressing ur FIL. We just had a man post that his wife brought home her Father and expects the husband and the kids to care for him.
Then its if your house is handicapped accessible. Do you have a walk in shower with bars on the wall. Is the toilet easy to get on and off.
If husband does not have POA then his hands are tied. Guardianship would be the next thing and that is very expensive.
As suggested, you may want to talk to the Director of Nursing to see what is involved in FILs care. Seems like he has Dementia. Taken him from a place he is familiar with and moving him with "strangers" because if he doesn't know you, that is what you are, it not good. And Dementia is unpredictable. You never know what they will do. So before you make this decision get the facts and realize you will be giving up ur life. If u have or plan on children, they should come first. A person suffering from Dementia is just a big child.