He has severe neuropathy, can’t feel from his knees down, and hands are numb. He gets up to use the bathroom or get something to eat. He ends up falling, he has gone through 3 of our walls that will need repairing. Broken cabinet doors in half. I do not know when I have gotten a full nights sleep last. I can’t sleep during the day. He gets up at 4-5 am and eats (spills) cereal, then sits in his recliner and will sleep for 6-8 hours straight! But can’t stay in his bed for 6-8 hours😩. He gets very belligerent and pushes me away when I’m trying to help him back to bed. He breaks this off walls, and says “it’s not my fault”. I’m at the end of my rope. I’ve looked at a few apartments for myself and possibly getting a divorce. I can’t take all the damage he is doing. I do everything, all housework, cooking, laundry. All yard work, with frequent criticism thrown in. A place where I can keep things clean and not get broken, and a place where I don’t have so much yard work to do. My boys help anytime I ask. But they have families too take care off, calling them to help pick him up off the floor at wee hours of the morning is out of the question. He 6.1, 235 lbs. I’m at 160 and unable to lift him up. Any ideas for me? He is 67.
They are trained to help someone up off the floor without hurting themselves or the person they are helping.
99.99% of the time there is no charge for a Lift Assist if there is no transport to the hospital. (some areas may not have their own 911 and will charge if another town has to be called)
You do not give any info in your profile as to your husbands medical condition that has caused the neuropathy.
I hate to say it but it might be time for some decisions.
Either hire an overnight caregiver or seriously consider placing him in a facility that will meet his care needs. I know this is a big decision but it does not sound like it is safe for you or for him to remain at home.
Is he a veteran? If so, the VA may be able to help you.
Absolutely DO NOT lift him yourself. That could permanently injure you. Always call for a Lift Assist, even if it seems embarrassing to call them.
When he falls I call 911- they arrive asap and have told me not to lift, just call them. I’ve had many holes in walls from falls, dents in all door frames from walker , I am now taking care of everything and feel I’m at a breaking point in spite of extra help.
I now have a therapist to vent to who specializes in cognitive care w dementia. His neurologist also prescribed a low dose sleeping pill for night, and this had made a huge difference, he sleeps most of night only 1 bathroom visit… urinals on walker , and has stopped getting up to eat because I leave him fruit slices and PPJ sandwich.
All This has helped me , but I am definitely overwhelmed and experiencing caregiver burn out. I am looking into respite care for him with help of Hospice ( you don’t need to be dying to ask them for help, they are a fabulous resource for caregivers ) so that I may get away for a week.
Respite care is often covered by Medicare or your health insurance. Please look into caregiver support group- hospice can help finding one. We do not have help from family either.
Please contact your PCP for help getting him tested for cognitive decline. He should not be walking with such extensive neuropathy. Tell him how desperate your situation is.
I have also read on this forum that if he is refusing going into full time care , and he ends up in hospital , you can refuse to take him home because you are unable to care for him safely at home. Refuse . Do not take him home. Hospital has to find him a place to go. I hope I’ve given you some helpful suggestions and moral support.
Take care of yourself ,it’s hard to ask, but please ask for help on weekends from your family, this is your husband and THEIR father too. If their answer is no get him admitted to 24/7 care which will attend to his needs.
Do as Grandma suggests and call 911 every time he falls, asking for a lift assist. I'd have him transported to the ER for an evaluation myself.
See an elder care attorney about options for yourself now, too. Someone who's versed in Medicaid who can guide you accordingly.
Best of luck to you.
Have you looked into this? Is it the cost? What's the barrier to this?
He probably wouldn't stay in a wheelchair, although it's what he needs.
Is he on any medication for his agitation? If not, why not? On meds he may be more compliant (in a facility).
Maybe consider hiring a geriatric care manager to help you make decisions and get things done. Cheaper and less effort than a divorce. Your portion of your assets can be protected, so also see a certified elder law attorney, estate planning attorney and/or a Medicaid Planner for your state.
Check his medicine to see if any have a side effect of making one drowsy. Have your husband take those pills at night if he doesn't already [first check with his doctor]. I am hoping this will help not only him but for your own sanity.
If you do not get him in a 24/7 care facility, you need 24/7 care for him at home. This means someone (strong, able to manage him / his anger, frustration, resistance - in general - and when he starts to get out of bed)).
You will injure yourself if you do not make changes.
Both mentally, psychologically and physically.
This is not a workable situation. You must make changes ... now.
And, it is important for you to understand / explore your resistance to doing what you likely know you need to do (place him in a facility). Get into therapy to process through your feelings. You need professional support to manage all these needs and changes. It is not easy.
Gena / Touch Matters
You need help!
I had to hire an overnight aid three nights a week so I could sleep at night. And three days a week my husband went to a nearby daycare facility for 3 to 4 hours.
He passed peacefully after a week in a hospice facility. I live in an area where elder care was available and excellent. Of course, I could afford help. Do you have longterm care insurance? Do you have good insurance otherwise? Do you have financial support systems in your community? Can you consult a social worker? Our society isn’t exactly enlightened regarding the needs of our aging population. No medicare for vision or dental.
Good luck to you. If you do not want to die, get help, however you can. Seriously.
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