I desperately need help! My dad is 81 and I feel like his ability to have a normal conversation is diminishing and it scares me, especially when it entails his health.
He lives in independent living by himself, but can not walk. He depends on a scooter to get around and has diabetes. He doesn't eat properly and does not take care of himself. He has been in the hospital over-night, at least 40 times in the last three years. When I suggest he live in a nursing facility where he can get better care, he argues with me. His landlord tells me he is behind on the rent and he can't pay his medical bills. When I try to get him help and find resources, he argues with me and prevents me from getting him the services he needs (he's a veteran).
As we speak, he is in the hospital again and insists on using the ambulance service to get home. I told him I would pick him up and that the ambulance is not his personal bus service. He argues and tells me I don't know what I am talking about.
I GIVE UP!!! I am trying to help him but he refuses to let me help. Overall, I have had to distance myself from his narcissistic personality (I don't even have the patience to get into the details here) just to preserve my sanity.
Is this normal behavior for someone his age? I understand that he is "proud" but I just don't get it. He's going to die alone if he doesn't allow me to step in and intervene. What do I say or do? Thanks for your help!
Do you have power of attorney or are you on HIPAA forms so that you can talk to the social worker/discharge planner at the hospital?
Maybe he is telling them that you will care for him, and that's why they are discharging him.
Or maybe he is competent to make his own bad choices and there's nothing you can do.
I think it's woth a call to the hospital to tell them that you work full time and will not be providing care for him. Period. End of story. It might change their discharge plans. Or not.
In any event, take a giant step back and allow him to be "independent". The sooner you stop enabling the charade, the sooner he will get help.