HI, thanks for all the feedback and advice. I have taken this time to reach out and figure something out.
I first spoke with my mother's current medical team, and unfortunately as another person mentioned they do not agree in medicating patients into a "stupor" and told me if that is what I wish they will do they no longer see my mother, and the social worker told me they will be reporting this to APS. Will see how that turns out.
My mother did have another outburst on Saturday, they sent her to the ED, under alter mental status, and aggressive behaviors. At the ED called me called me asking me to explain the situation, I explained everything, gave them the names of her old doctors, explained her behaviors.
They placed a one to one on her and she has been fine. She has a roommate both needed a sit so they doubled up. Had a conference call with a doctor and the social worker.
Doctor told me she is doing fine, no UTI no sign infection, vitals are good, her BP was high when they brought her like 167 over 80 but it normalized as she calmed down. I still have not seen her and it is rough.
Doctor pretty much told me everything I already knew medically outside of her dementia she is fine.
Social worker asked what do I want to do going forward cause they have no medical reason to keep her and she is free to go home. They mentioned her previous placement refuses to take her stating they cannot handle the case. I told them my situation and said I cannot take her.
Social worker told me the hospital is not how you go about placing someone. Told me to through her MLTC. I explained I already did so and said place refused to take her back by their own admission.
The social worker explain that she is my responsibility and I should be working with her MLTC case worker to find placement. I told them I cannot. Social worker started to repeat the same talking points, so I told them I have to go.
As of right now she is doing fine, I do call the floor to see how she is doing. They have not had a need to medicate her since she does have a one to one and I did bring over things she can do but I have yet to speak with her.
My mom's MLTC called me asking if she is okay since they saw she was in the ED, no idea how they found that out. I assume it is when they ran her insurance.
I explained what is going on, and they told me just to stick to my guns. Hospitals hate when families do this, by this she meant letting Hospital social workers deal with finding placement, but it is what it is.
My moms mltc Caseworker did explain that most likely what will happen is they will remove her one to one since no facility will take her with a one to one but will keep her in the same room with the current one to one since she is relaxed finding placement will slightly easier and possibly could find something closer.
Issue with this is, if they place her somewhere closer, but not address the core issues won't I just be back here if I don't visit?
You are a family member who shouldn’t be held responsible for your mother’s care.
I am so sorry that you are going through this horrible situation. I hope you will find a solution soon.
I am sure APS has bigger fish to fry.
And to be honest, I have never heard of a memory care not giving medications to calm someone if needed. They are used all the time and if given correctly, they can be a godsend and do not put folks in a stupor.
I hope that the hospital social worker will be able to find the right facility for your mom and that it will be closer to you, and that your mom will receive the care she needs and deserves.
She had no medication on file, and they accepted her with that existing condition.
Way it was explained to me would be liability nightmare if they gave her medication her doctors did not approve of.
What you want is a trial of meds to see if if they can surprises her paranoia and delusions.
Old movie, very good movie. Don’t know if anyone remembers it.
Nursing homes aren’t places where people are maxed out on drugs and become zombies all the time!
People who try to manage these situations without meds are setting themselves and others for trouble. To think that professionals in a facility are doing this is mind boggling!
I saw my own mother return to a calm state after being placed on the proper dose of medication.
She's not in a stupor.
A stupor would make a person a two person assist, and that wouldn't work in a MC. I'm not sure what your medical team doesn't understand about that.
Stick to your guns. They'd have to figure this out if you weren't available.
She was at peace after starting these meds.
Her anxiety was awful before and she was able to calm down but wasn’t nowhere close to being a zombie!
This could very well cause a complaint against their licensing. What they believe is appropriate is killing your mom with blood pressure spikes.
and bringing her to the hospital is exactly how this is done.
They have some sort of Shangri-La notion of Dementia care.
My mom, not delusional, just anxious, was just fine as long as I was at her side 24/7. Except I had a mortgage, a job, a marriage and grandchildren, all of which were of a higher priority than my mom, who fortunately had saved for her old age.
No one said "boo" to me and my brothers when we insisted she move to a good Independent Living facility and be seen by a geriatric psychiatrist for meds.
And she was NEVER in a stupor! She was calm, engaged and able to participate fully in life. As she had not been before.
Meds are so NOT the enemy.
Seeing a geriatric psychiatrist is really wise.
There were many times when I had to explain my
mother’s behavior over and over.
Sometimes, they listened and other times they will downplay the situation. I am all for bypassing regular physicians and seeing a specialist in the field.
You are knowledgeable in this field but many people aren’t. I am glad that you regularly bring this subject to light so others will learn from your experience.
Most people don’t automatically know what to do. There is so much to learn about being a caregiver. Before this forum I had no idea that UTI’s affect the elderly differently. I have seen other people say that they didn’t know either.