Value of inherited items. Any advice?

After my Mom died, and we were ready to start settling things up, my sister, as executor of the will, suggested only siblings be allowed to make decisions on how to divide family possessions. Property was valued by a neutral relator. Purchases by two brothers were done at fair market value and deducted from their share of the inheritance. Then came personal and household items. There were some items that Mom had specified for each of us, so those were taken home. All the kid's took any item they had given her, if they wanted it back. If not it stayed in the inventory. Spouses were welcome to voice choices through their husband or wife. That way no one else would be involved or left out. Then each of us took a stroll through the house and listed anything we, our spouse and children, would like to have. When everyone had done this, and had time to reconsider choices, we all sat down a couple of days later and compared lists. If no one else wanted the item, it was yours. If more than one person listed the same item, then they had to negotiate with each other for it. While spouses were welcome to sit in, all negotiations were between siblings only. Surprisingly, there were very few items on multiple lists. With five siblings, there were only three or four items that overlapped, and only one small item that was not able to be negotiated, so it went to the oldest with a promise it be passed to the other person upon death. Each parent also choose items for their children in this process. Clothing was a free for all for the girls in the family, followed with lunch. The jewelry was split between my sister and I with no problem. Mom had already settled it with everyone, in writing, it went to my sister and I only, for private reasons. We did give a piece to each DIL by OUR joint choice to do so. We also chose items for certain people outside the family that were special to her. Once we were through with everything, the remainder was sold or donated. Any proceeds were split. Ours is a difficult family, yet this went so smoothly. It was a surprise to all of us. To bad not everything went so smoothly.

PLEASE get the sterling flatware valued and appraised. She may decide to sell it rather than split it up, which is of little use to anyone who might inheirit any of the pieces. Flatware is really only useful in a complete set. My cousin had my aunt's flatware weighed at a silver/gold buyer's, got an estimate of value, then sold the flatware to an antiques dealer. He did that with a number of Aunt Liz's things.
With my mom who is now 92, we have gone through most of her things and she has decided who will get what. If there's a question or a debate, she's already decided to sell it or donate it. She feels this will cause less friction in the end. Hope she is correct!

There's lots of wisdom here, I apprdciate the suggestions. What seems to complicate my particular situaiton is--Dad & Mom claim they want "equal" division of anything that's left, but, they made some list attached to their Will, whicb I am bound to follow....but the list does not appear (to me, and some preliminary checking of weight of genuine silver) the list is not at all "equal."
And they don't want to pay for 3 appraisals.
So, do I try to talk them into appraisals, and/or re-writing their list, OR, do I wait til they're both dead and pay appraiser out of their estate?
Complicating things is, each of the daughters has been "promised" certain items....so if I disburse them according to 20-30 years worth of dreamings, I will be appeasing their expectations, but how do I even up the Final Total so no one kid gets more than 20 percent?

i took nothing from my moms house but my own junk . she had a small safe full of old coins that she considered valuable . it was just her hobby but i considered it a nightmare to have to squint my eyes out at every coin then find a buyer who would probably offer me 80 cents for each silver dollar . no thanks . i had a monumental work load just in moving back home and resetting up housekeeping . i didnt need that hassle too .. one of my sons took the coins . hes not very bright imo . he collects everything he can get his hands on but has never bought or built a home to put the stuff in . many years ago my ex and i had a yard sale to get rid of everything we owned so we could use the money to start building a house . i think our priorities made more sense .
my other son came out of the military 8 yrs ago with 1 - 1 /2 houses full of crap . he stored 1 / 2 a house full in my garage then started buying more crap . when i moved home a year ago it all got burned . he still has a housefull of crap but its all in a storage unit and he lives in his GF ' s apartment . what good is crap if you dont have a house to put it in ?
i got my garage back . maybe thats the real point here ..

If you feel you must follow their wish and disperse things for an even value, then get the appraisals and pay for them out of the estate. If you feel it is more important to let everyone choose what they want, and all the recipients agree that actual value is not important, I think your parents will understand your happiness and memories are a beautiful legacy. Either way, follow your heart, you know what is right. You always have the option, as executor , that if there are real problems agreeing, to get it all appraised, sell it and divide the amount left after expenses, equally among everyone.

The problem is that **listed** items, are of un-equal value. The 3 daughters' lists are worth maybe 10 times as much as the 2 boys' lists. So does that mean, as Executor, do I make up the difference with extra cash disbursed to the boys?

The lists were made by my parents, sort of in response to what the girls had liked, when they were much much younger.

Samara, if the girls are getting the silverware, platters, candlesticks, crystal, and some jewelry, chances are the boys won't care, the boys are probably glad to not get any of those items, thus to them the net worth wouldn't be much.

When my mother went into the NH, sister made a slight attempt to distribute things. I got a couple of towels and some clothes pins. She got the crystal, china, silver, all the other linens, and all the furniture. I could go take a flying leap.

Oh my brandywine, that is really awful!!! There is karma...
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Samara - if there are vehicles or tools, the boys may like those and find value in them.

I try to check values on eBay by going into the Advanced Search link and checking 'sold' listings. It's a good guideline for pricing. For appraisals, the "valuemystuff" website is useful. They start at $10.

When my grandmother died her will just directed that the house contents be sold and proceeds distributed to her surviving children. My grandparents were modest people with little of real value. So at my suggestion each child, in order of age selected one item. Then the grandchildren, again by age, selected one item. Then the great grandchildren.

We did this over and over for a few weeks until everyone had what they wanted out of the house. There were a few items that had been promised to specific people and these were taken out of the lottery. My aunts also gathered up and returned to the giver handmade gifts we had given over the years.

Then we set a day, ordered a dumpster, and volunteers were asked to come over and help clear the house out. A lot of items were taken to local shelters and charities, and of course I went home with a car load of items I couldn't bear to see in a dumpster.

It was bittersweet and fun to see what different family members had selected as keepsakes, including one small cousin who insisted on taking home a very ugly plastic crucifix. Everyone felt they had been given a fair chance and had something they valued to remember grandma and grandpa by.

Just wondering......how long has it taken those of you who have been through this process to close up your loved one's house/estate?

It's so great to hear the happy/bittersweet stories.
In my case I dont expect anything to go well, as everyone lives several states away, I will have zero help, and probably a lot of questions (or gripes).
Even if they would be nice and supportive of me, as the main caregiver I do everything except for one 3-hr break a week, but they just have no frickin' idea....
So I am trying to take steps now, to make the distribution of assets easier latee on.

My Dad and I are going through this now. Mom left a cool vintage car to my son and the china & sterling to my daughter. In her mind, they were of equal value. She didn't realize that this generation isn't interested in ornate china and silver services and doesn't entertain that way any more. These items from our searches on eBay and Replacement Ltd. aren't even bringing in that much. Dad & I discussed it today and decided to make up the difference in cash between what my daughter gets for the china & silver and the value of the car. They will each get other sentimental items to remember their grandmother by.

When my MIL died suddenly, she had many silver and china items inherited to her from my FIL's previous marriage and his family too, also some antique furniture. There were a few items that family members had voiced an interest in while she was alive. Ex: An antique sapphire and diamond ring which I loved; a charm bracelet; silver flatware and china and the furniture. So she had designated a few items while alive, and had started to give them as gifts herself. But, once we had to clean out her house, we did some similar things as others mentioned. We had 2 daughters in law and 4 granddaughters...no boys except her sons. Sons inherited the property, cars and cash etc....and no problems there. What we did with all us girls is had everyone come to the house before cleaning it out....and make lists of what they each might want for memories. Where there was a duplication, we held the items back. Where there was 'no contest', the items were taken on the spot. Then, when we went through all her belongings, including all purses and pockets because we knew she stuffed money here and there and forgot where.... We collected all the cash....quite a bit there was, and all that was divided among the great grandkids, who were all very small. What we did was give each kid one of Great Grandma's cups and put their share of money in the cup and made it a Christmas gift from Great Grandma the following Christmas. All still have their cups and enjoyed spending 'their' money. All the items that were wanted by multiple girls, and all the costume jewelry etc, was dealt with by having a special dinner and then doing a 'quarter toss' for each item. Who ever won....got the disputed item. All jewelry was divided in the same way. She had two diamond rings from two husbands. One had several diamonds in it...reset after the second marriage. Fortunately, there were 4 diamonds and 4 granddaughters....so each got a diamond and the two with the smaller diamonds got the 2 rings. They could decide if they wanted their diamond reset into a necklace or new ring or sold or whatever. There was not any real dispute over furniture. The two big items were 'lent' to one of our daughters, because no one else had room and she did. But we made it clear that we were willing to move it every year to another house to enjoy. In the end, when that daughter moved out of town, everyone agreed that they didn't want the china cabinet, contents or the antique dresser, but they wanted it in the family. So that daughter took the items, but she is not to sell them without consulting family to see if someone else wants either item. All are happy. We had some really nice real silver items from the 1800s. Each daughter and granddaughter got a big piece, but everyone wanted what someone else didn't so no fighting. I kept and still have left overs....of all kinds of antique linens, silver, much OLD stuff...just cause we couldn't figure out worth/value and I love the historical family stuff. I think our two daughters will do something similar when the time comes, but I already give it away. Started a hope chest for oldest great granddaughter (our granddaughter) with lots of those linens. One daughter begged for cast iron pots. Now both our daughters have cast iron pots/skillets from family. It's not worth fighting over STUFF! But memories are important...and family is more important to some than others.

Samara, sorry been away for a couple of days, so missed your question. Basically, that is how we did it since there were no real disagreements and the estate was of less value than yours appears to be. First, at this point I would suggest that you consider the idea of making an appointment for a consultation with a qualified attorney or two, these meetings are usually free. You can get some ideas from him on what your rights and duties as executor would be. Then maybe consider a family meeting or feel each sibling out on how they feel about your dilemma. But I personally would be sure what your role as executor actually details and what is required by your state in it's execution. Different states have different inheritance laws. I assume that your parents put everything in a legal will, video's are a great back-up. If not, take them to an attorney ASAP, and find out your states requirements, so you can carry out their wishes legally. They can speak privately with him on the details if you prefer, or make an appointment after the consultation for the family. Whatever you decide, I really think you should get some actual legal advice at this point. Good luck, I wish you well.

A follow up to my earlier post. A few years ago our state historical center asked for donations for a mid-century home exhibit they were planning. I gave them several boxes of housewares and decorative items from grandma's house that had little value but seemed too unique to go to Goodwill. It was quite a treat for my sister and I go see the exhibit and get to point out items we recognized from our childhood. And now the items have a home where they will be cared for or if sold at least it will go to support the institution. We forget that even mundane household items can have historical value.

How can you tell an 85 year old that no one wants most of her furniture, lamps etc.

Flash, there is a buyer for every item. I've been to auctions and was amazed that people would buy a box of misc run of the mill things... one mans junk is another man's treasure :)

Really??? My MIL saves Cool Whip containers. Swears she's going to sell them at a garage sale for 10 cents each smh

I guess I was looking for an answer on how to tell her this without making her feel bad.

Create a picture album with specifics on each item, make model mfr, vintage, condition. I hate to say it, but the silver items with 60 years of wear on them may be mostly scrap.

I 2nd the idea of making a photo album of the "valuable" items.....I did this of the silver (genuine silver) crystal, pewter, and silver-plate. It was so helpful for me to look up comparable (or actual) values on eBay or Replacements. Some items were a huge question mark, nothing comparable. But at least I have some best-research values for the silver -- and genuine silver is still worth something (current silver value only $19 /ounce but it could go up).

What ever brings joy to your HEARTS~DO~