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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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Both in middle 80's ,also verbally abuses toward other family members. sweet as pie to outsiders. Looking for help and advise. Concerned about father who will not leave.
I don't know that there's much you can do about verbal abuse if the person being abused won't leave. You could suggest that he leave the room when she starts in...but I think the better plan for you is to realize that their relationship is between them and if neither party is wanting to or willing to change, you will only make yourself crazy by trying to change things.
The other possibility is if mom has some mental issues that you could get addressed through some medical intervention, that might help. But if she's just a nasty person to her family and is mentally healthy, then leave when she starts in and be firm consistent with that approach. "Mom, you're clearly upset, so I'm leaving."
44golfer, if this problem with your Mom just started recently, you might have a doctor check her for an urinary tract infection.... such an infection can cause an elderly person to become abusive.... meds can clear it up.
If this abusive behavior has been part of their relationship (and hers with other family members) forever, then it is what it is, and your best bet is to accept it or avoid being around it much.
If this is new with old age, medical evaluation is the first step. As ff says, it could be some acute condition like uti that would be treatable, to everyone's relief. If it is a chronic condition, such as dementia, then the sooner you know what you are up against, the sooner you can learn how to deal with it.
As, blannie says, if your mom is just a nasty person, well, I don't guess there is a medical intervention for that.
when i met my ex we were only about 23 yrs old . she would wake up cold , hateful and snappy in the mornings . she said she just wasnt a morning person . i had to explain that i wasnt a person who would be abused every morning either . i guess we divorced at 40 yrs old but my point is that the abusive , hateful stuff stopped at 23 -- as soon as it started . your dad is being walked on because he permits it . i dont think a third party can change that relationship .
I agree with Captain that the nature of a relationship should be worked out early on. If Dad has accepted this treatment for years, that is his choice and it is not up to you to interfere.
But if this is of recent origin, I respect your dad's loyalty. He is not willing to walk out on a lifetime relationship when it begins to go sour. The way you can help in that case is to try to get to the bottom of why the changes have occurred and then learn ways to cope and help Dad cope with what you find out.
Society back a half century ago had different ideas regarding marriage compared to today.
If husband and wives have been scrapping with each other from day one, one has to look into the history as to why the couple got married. Was it an arranged marriage? It sounded like a good idea at the time marriage? I will get even marriage? I am 18 and can do what I want marriage? The parents wouldn't approve of anyone else marriage? A shot-gun marriage? He/she was the only person of the same religion in town who was single marriage? Or he/she had an affair during the marriage so I won't forgive ever marriage?
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
The other possibility is if mom has some mental issues that you could get addressed through some medical intervention, that might help. But if she's just a nasty person to her family and is mentally healthy, then leave when she starts in and be firm consistent with that approach. "Mom, you're clearly upset, so I'm leaving."
If this is new with old age, medical evaluation is the first step. As ff says, it could be some acute condition like uti that would be treatable, to everyone's relief. If it is a chronic condition, such as dementia, then the sooner you know what you are up against, the sooner you can learn how to deal with it.
As, blannie says, if your mom is just a nasty person, well, I don't guess there is a medical intervention for that.
But if this is of recent origin, I respect your dad's loyalty. He is not willing to walk out on a lifetime relationship when it begins to go sour. The way you can help in that case is to try to get to the bottom of why the changes have occurred and then learn ways to cope and help Dad cope with what you find out.
If husband and wives have been scrapping with each other from day one, one has to look into the history as to why the couple got married. Was it an arranged marriage? It sounded like a good idea at the time marriage? I will get even marriage? I am 18 and can do what I want marriage? The parents wouldn't approve of anyone else marriage? A shot-gun marriage? He/she was the only person of the same religion in town who was single marriage? Or he/she had an affair during the marriage so I won't forgive ever marriage?