My daughter suffered a traumatic brain injury in a car accident when she was 9 years old. Her recovery was going well until the seizures started about half way through high school.
She began associating with people who are untrustworthy to say the least, and has been going downhill ever since. We had to move her into her own apartment because she was stealing our vehicles & valuables. She had a roommate for the first three years and did OK. He was a bad influence, but she is a liar & thief, so they got along.
He moved out and her next roommate ended up in jail, so now my daughter is living by herself.
Again, she did OK for a while but has recently started letting homeless heroin addicts move in. She says it's because she's lonely, but I go over there every day to check on her and she never wants to go out to lunch or shopping.
My wife and I are her legal guardians and we are on the lease instead of her because she can't be bound by a contract.
Can we insist that people leave the apartment even if my daughter wants them to stay? She says they are her "friends", but they show up with nothing and when they leave, she has less of everything. (They use a lot of laundry soap.)
HELP!
First, so sad about your daughter. This condition will be a lifelong effort to keep her safe and functioning. Try supportive housing where rules are enforced and she can be supervised.
Start attending Nami meetings held locally for families, as well as the meetings held to support TBI patients.
Just because she has TBI does not mean she can break t h e law(s) without suffering consequences.
You are also in much danger, legally, financially, and your daughter may be arrested for allowing addicts to be there, due to drug laws. She faces eviction. If you owned the home, the home can be confiscated by the DEA.
I do not know the legalities for you being on the lease of her apartment. Beca u se you are providing a drug house. Cancel the lease, get her out of there, imo.
Some real cases (of which I am aware or know the people):
1) Same...daughter lost her housing due to addicts living there, and became homeless after being provided hotel rooms for a time.
2) Daughter living with addicted boyfriend, when he overdosed, she called 911 to save his life, was arrested for being present in condo where drugs were found. Her parents sold the condo after major repairs.
3) Son addicted to heroin, after parents learned t h e w a y to help him, he chose to become sober, became an attorney. They provided his housing just long enough, but he was not allowed to move people in. NAMI.
4) Parents kept buying cars for their addicted adult children. Becoming homeless, they could live in them, or get to a job. Cars were totalled in accidents, and other horror stories.
Telling you this so you will know ahead of time instead of step by step in the dark.
Not to offend or hurt, but to help you help your daughter and have some peace.
You are responsible for getting her the care she needs, and not allowing her dysfunction to ruin you or her.
One suggestion is intensive rehab, inpatient. Keep her in any treatment program as long as possible, then another one...
Your love will sustain you through this, and someday, she may again be functioning at a higher level for a longer time. Like you said: Doing ok.
Nami meetings please.
As her legal guardians, and being that you are on the lease, I would think you have every right to ask them to leave. Not only that, but I would also think you could legally be held responsible if there is illegal activity going on there, or for any property damages.
My daughter claims that she is addicted to heroin but when I asked why, she said "if you try it once, you're addicted".
I said "so why did you try it"?
Her:
"I don't know."
Kill me now...
We found out the hard way that the police aren't familiar with eviction and legal rights as it pertains to vulnerable adults.
At first they assume she's a normal 26 year old adult and her parents are overbearing a-holes, so we've developed a personal relationship with a patrol officer who's responsible for the apartment complex where my daughter lives.
Problem: his hours are limited, so calling during an emergency could be hazardous if the officers who respond are not familiar with the situation.
We just want her to be safe and happy. Her condition is getting worse and it's unlikely she will live to see age 30.
I am not her enemy but it sure feels that way sometimes.
What can I do to keep her safe without becoming the bad guy?
Don't let Mom be the bad one. One of you must be available for contact.
But still, present a united front.
Only 1 in 9 heroin addicts get clean.
Do not renew the lease.
Tell the landlord, he will evict E V E R Y B O D Y.
Stop protecting her from consequences, or she will die early and happy of an overdose. Happiness is over rated when a life is in danger. imo.
The idea, which can be learned, ( go to support groups) is to push her to a crisis, then be there for her to guide her into supportive housing. You, the doctors, the police, the APS, the courts, are at the bottom of the cliff. She cannot get there if she is not pushed. If she gets there without support, she very well may die early, like you said.
Another way of saying it: She is headed for a cliff. An intervention (such as ending her housing lifestyle) allows a little push off that cliff with supoorts in place...the E.R., a new place to live temporary in rehab, exit addict friends,
no cell phones, etc. If she commits to rehab, you can then support her in supportive housing.
Are you up for it? Not everyone is. But often the choice is to kindly love her to death.
I am fully aware not many will agree with this approach or be able to even understand it. So do not shoot the messenger. You all can do it the easy way.
I know of a man who cares, gives support groups for the addicts. He carries, sadly, on his cell phone the last messages from the addict before they died.
Parents who bring their addict there are surprised when a drug test is administered.
Opinion, the police should have found out the law. This cannot be the only time something like this happens.
As her guardian you have total control over your daughter. You can have her drug tested. Once done you will have ur answer.
Have you ever tried a group home with an overseer? This may be a good place for her.
My daughter claims that she is addicted to heroin but when I asked why, she said "if you try it once, you're addicted".
I said "so why did you try it"?
Her:
"I don't know."
Kill me now...
We found out the hard way that the police aren't familiar with eviction and legal rights as it pertains to vulnerable adults.
At first they assume she's a normal 26 year old adult and her parents are overbearing a-holes, so we've developed a personal relationship with a patrol officer who's responsible for the apartment complex where my daughter lives.
Problem: his hours are limited, so calling during an emergency could be hazardous if the officers who respond are not familiar with the situation.
We just want her to be safe and happy. Her condition is getting worse and it's unlikely she will live to see age 30.
I am not her enemy but it sure feels that way sometimes.
What can I do to keep her safe without becoming the bad guy?