I moved my mom in my house 5 years ago after my dad passed away. A few days after my dad left us my mom had a stroke. Since this happened I had to take care of all the funeral arrangement and look after my mom in hospital. I have 3 older brothers, but they're no help. Moved my mom into my house when she got out of hospital to take care of her. My mom was alright the first year or so, but all she does is complain and stay in her room. I love my mom, but it's affecting my marriage. My husband has been standing by me, but now he tell me that I've chagned. It's hard to see my mom depressed and I don't know what to do. My mom is diabetic and doesn't care what she eats. I try to make healthy food, but if she doesn't like it she has comments. I've told one of my brothers to take her a month or so to give me time with my family. He's asked her, but she always say, " NO". I've told her a few months back that I was having trouble with marriage and wanted her to go stay with brother, but she didn't. I love my husband and I want to see if my mom stressing me out is what is causing us to fight. It really frustrates me when my brother comes over and my mom is a different person. They might visit for an hour and they leave. I've told my husband, I wish I could visit like they do. Sometimes I think my mom is happy when my marriage isn't working. I don't want to think this,but she is so negative and I can't stand it anymore. I've never talked back to my parents, so telling my mom to leave I feel really guilty. What should I do? I'm afraid my mom won't understand that I need time along with my family.
If it were YOU that were coming between your mom and dad's marriage years ago, what would she have done? Would she have let you ruin her marriage? Come to think of it, that might just be a loaded question. Good luck.
Your Mom should not return to your home. She should stay with your brother until you can find a more suitable living arrangement.
Energy vampires can take you down before you know it. You can do tons of things for your Mom except make her happy....that's her job. And yes, as some seniors age they get ticked off that it is their turn to be old and everyone else is younger (they don't seem to understand that aging is an "equal opportunity" event.)
What we owe our parents is a safe, clean environment where they are well cared for. Allowing your Mom to intrude on your marriage is excessive.
Make at least one change today toward getting your life back.
good luck...we've all been there
Your mom's situation is sad. It is OK for her to look sad sometimes. It is not your fault. It is not your responsibility. If you think she is depressed, it is OK for you to suggest that she see a doctor about it. If you think she is not taking care of her diabetes it is OK to serve healthy meals that are good for all of you and offer to go for walks with her for some exercise. It is loving to offer to help, but ultimately her happiness is not your responsibility. But I'll bet you know that. It is the putting it into practice that is hard, isn't it? I'm so glad you have taken this first step. If you think it would help to have some professional support, consider getting some counseling -- not to fix what is "wrong" with you, but to help you cope with a difficult situation. Good luck to you!