I moved in with DH to help his dad. It seems to me that he is more than able to get his own drinks, meals, whatnot. However, he does it selectively. Example: Going to the fridge (gasp) getting ice cream or a beer but never a chilled bottled water or prepared salad or meal. He expects those to be served to him. I am 37 weeks pregnant, in early labor and have a 15 month old running around. I do NOT have the time or desire anymore, at this point, to make him the typical entree and sides. I am sure he knows this, but he just sits ALL DAY LONG and expects it to be served to him every single day. I am dying.
Today, my DH made him some caesar salad wraps with tortillas. Rather than thank him, when we came in and DH asked how they were, his dad said that they were crappy and fell apart as he tried to eat them. Please understand, we do everything for this capable person. I expressed to my DH that his father was being incredibly disrespectful, as I saw my DH working for 20 minutes or more to make these nice for his dad.
DH went off on ME! He just went berzerk on ME!!! And then he went to his dad and his dad said that he absolutely didn't complain and it was all in MY HEAD, my DH seemed almost gleeful and called me several horrible names and rubbed his dad's forehead. I am thinking, this is the same person I took to chemo all last year and bring him his coffee, juice and paper every morning while he just sits all day?
I feel so, SO betrayed. And I am having a baby! The dad just narrowed his eyes and said that I must have a grudge against him and MY dh just laughed and agreed! I feel that I have entered a twilight zone and am the only one with a normal compass. I am so, so sad. I think I need to leave this situation. I have done so much, yet this has left me reeling. Thoughts?
Think very carefully. You said something, DH got mad at You, then went to his father and 'comforted' his father (rubbing his forehead), and he was almost GLEEFUL to verbally abuse you. Review this over and over.
This behavior is Not going to end. He will continue to verbally abuse you now. What's going to happen when he starts displaying this in front of your 15 month old child and when your baby is born? Do you want your children to learn to treat females like this? Are you able to leave this situation? I think it's better to do it sooner than later. The longer you stay, the more time for him to verbally batter you down until you no longer have any self-esteem or self-confidence. Remember, when the going gets rough, think of the 2 children growing up in that kind of environment.
He's showing his true self. I wish to give you the strength and knowledge and wisdom to handle this situation. {{Hugs}}
We can't change other people's behavior (FIL, DH). Only our own. Stay and accept that this is the pecking order in this house or create a life of your own where you're not treated poorly.
Let your dh know you will be back when you both have had some serious marriage/family counseling or the FIL goes to assisted living. Someone needs to sit dh down and tell him his first responsibility is to you and his children. Somehow this young man has his priorities all screwed up.
If he has siblings then they need to step up now and provide for their Father while you are busy the next few months getting use to the new baby and getting your marriage back on track. Might be very wise to include fil in this family counseling. Get on this today. Be the strong one, if you want your marriage to succeed! If by chance, your husband is not worth saving, you still need to get counseling asap. I wish you all the best. You two fell in love at some point and hopefully that is enough to build a future on.
Your two children and depending on you.
If this is an isolated instance, then I'd let it go. This time. You've described one moment in time. If your whole relationship hasn't been like this up 'til now, then it's possible DH is under the same stress you are with this arrangement. (I had all the patience in the WORLD with mom. But Tom? I often took my stress out on him -- I'd apologize later.)
Nevertheless, you chose to move in to "help" with his dad. If this is DH's pattern of behavior? Choose to move out.
Now. Again. What's a DH?