The day after my sister's husband died my mom fell down 9 steps and was hospitalized with bruises but no breaks. Already beginning dementia her memory has seriously deteriorated since the fall and she's been moved from her home of 40 years to a retirement community. In the 2 months my mom has been there my sister has only visited 2 times and she never calls. Is it unrealistic of me to expect a few visits and calls from her to my mom? My sister has 4 children from 10 to 21 and a gas station she needs to run.
Is your current burden as heavy as her's is?
There is such a thing as situational dementia. This is a temporary dementia and subsides after the trauma is over.
Right now my sister is carrying the larger burden of my father's care. My husband and I have had many, many burdens over the past ten years and our shoulders are breaking under the load. I feel guilty (I am the oldest and usually carry the largest share of the load - I did when Mother was ill), but right now, I can't. Maybe this is the time for you to carry the heavier load - that being said, it is not up to you to "pave" the situation between your mother and your sister. Could your mother call your sister? As my husband says "the road goes both ways". There's never an easy answer, is there? All the best ....
One of your comments was that you don't mind what you're doing for your Mom, but that she misses your sis. I totally believe that. I don't mind what I'm doing, but I feel sad that the other two don't spend a bit more of their precious time (and all of our time is precious, let's face it) to call Mom more often, and come for visits more often than once a year.
One thing that "Helen" said is that your sister may be in a kind of denial about what's going on w/ Mom, because of her recent loss. It may be just too hard and overwhelming for her right now to face another crisis, so she escapes to picnics, and parties. It may take quite some time for her to come around, and share in the loving care that your Mom needs. In the meantime, if you let your Mom know this, and keep doing what you're doing as the caring loving daughter you are, deep down inside the resentment might surface a bit now and then, but the good you will feel will knock it down. Because, you know your sister loves your Mom, but just can't deal with things right now because she's not as strong as you. And maybe she won't ever be. Take care, and keep on doing your good job!!
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