This certainly doesn't rank among the more serious issues people here have. But I thought there may be people on this forum who can relate to this. My (previously reported nutty mom) moved from the home I grew up in to an independent senior living facility about a year ago. She had had a year before that after my dad died until then to clean it out and get it ready to sell but she never did, then, or in the year since as I have brought her there to help clean it out.
Finally a couple of weeks ago my brother from out of state came and he and another brother and I went at it. It is now getting to the point where it could be put on the market.
But when I think of selling this home that I was brought home to from the hospital after being born almost sixty years ago, I go into a depression and almost cry (Since I am a guy I dont actually get to the point of crying, but almost) Its hard to imagine knowing that house is not there for me.
Heres the thing: I have thought of buying it from my mom and moving in. It is in a different suburb from the one I live in. I have never been married, dont have a family of my own. I was forced into early retirement a couple of years back but luckily am financially secure. I feel the only really stable thing I have had my whole life is that house even though I have lived in my current house longer than the one I grew up in.
On one hand I feel like if I want to use my money to buy the one stable thing I have had in my life, cant I? Sure, maybe silly, but what if that made me happy? What if it didnt? At the same time I think this must be foolish. I have read articles online about people struggling with this.
Has anyone here had a similar issue? Again, I know this is minor compared to what others here are experiencing with the emotions and work of dealing with older parents. I had a dad I loved die of ALZ two years ago (cant believe its been that long, seems I was just on here getting support from people here) and helping take care of a nutty mom so I know part of what people are going through. If nothing else it has helped to just put my thoughts to "paper."
Just be aware that by buying Moms home you have to buy it at Market Value in case she needs Medicaid in the next five years. If Mom is with it, maybe she can put it into a Trust for you and hopefully she won't need care in the next five years. Because Medicaid will require it to transfer back to Mom. You could then live in it paying the bills, upkeep and taxes. When Mom passes, the house is left to you free and clear. May need a lawyer to help you cross all the Ts and dot all the Is.
I can understand your feelings. One day my brother and I will inherit our grandmother's property. It is sooner than later at this point. But we do not agree on what to do with the property. It is large enough to subdivide, but that will be very expensive with needing a new well and upgraded septic.
If we did not subdivide, my brother is happy to keep it as it is. Me, not so much. I am not attached to either residence and both are in need of drastic upgrading, or tearing down. So why do I want to keep my share of the property and not the house? It is waterfront and my memories are not attached to the house, but the location, the beach, the forest, our private trail.
It would make more sense for the property to be sold. We would each get about $500K which could help fund my retirement or a lifetime of travel once Covid-10 restrictions have eased.
If you buy Mum's house what will you have to give up? Can you do the repairs and maintenance yourself?
It seems to me the thought of losing a home you haven't lived in for years to the point of almost crying, and to the point of wanting to buy that home signifies some deeper emotional need that is unmet.
Seems that you're grieving hard the lose of something which the home represents. You mentioned the house is the "stable thing" you had in your life, the safety net you felt when you grew up there. But Karsten, that feeling you have is your feeling, the house can't give it to you. You have to build stability from within yourself. Your feeling that the house can provide you stability is just an illusion.
Objectively, I highly recommend you seek some counseling to help you with your grieving process and building confidence and security on your own. The cost of counseling is way cheaper than sinking a boat load of money into a house that you think will fill some void, but then realize it's just an empty promise.
Do you like the house? The area? Is the price ok for you? If not - then why not. Buy it & enjoy it.
Do you picture moving in, moving things, making changes, even renovating? Starting a fresh new chapter of your life there?
Or do you picture keeping it intact, like a museum to your past?
It's a good topic. Letting go & change can be VERY hard. I think that's the crux of it.
Now the kicker,, 5 years after they divorced the property sky rocketed. Oh well.. Gone Now.. and so are they :(
If you feel it's the right move for you, or just want the house to rent out or stare at, you can buy now and sell later if your thoughts change in the future.
Something I never thought about. Never had to think about it, didn't have a choice in the matter.
If you like the home you have now.. think about child home as a rental? Air BnB, but make sure you have the right home owners insurance for that. a house in the hood caught on fire. Nobody has started to repair it? Not sure if it was a "rental" and they didn't tell the insurance company they were renting it out.
I sometimes read the question before seeing who posted. I said to myself as reading. This must be Karsten. . Yup. Karsten.
Not at all unusual to want to hang onto your childhood home. But don’t tell your mom. She will want to move back in.
I own my childhood home. It’s in very poor repair. It’s not near me. I’ve allowed a relative to live in it without any compensation. It makes no sense for me to have it almost five years later and yet I have no desire to let it go. My children show no indication that they would want it. The one nephew that probably would have wanted it died in January. But it’s hard to let go of and I probably never will. I inherited mine. If your mom will need Medicaid in her future, it’s important that you buy it at FMV. If it turns out to be a mistake, you can always sell it later on.
I would love to live in mine and may yet. There are worse things you could do with your money and to make yourself happy.
But I’m a sentimentalist. Having said that, I’ve seen your posts on your mom and know that this might be a very bad move on your part when you have had such a hard time with establishing boundaries with your mom.
Others will weigh in.