I’m not sure they know what they are getting into which is why she is in a NH and not living with me in the first place. She cannot walk, needs 100% assistance in using the bathroom and changing her depends. Just looking and talking with her you would think she is fully capable. She is not. They don’t speak to me. I’m concerned.
(And I'd make sure you aren't available as the back up plan)
So I'm thinking she was AT LEAST a 2 person assist getting out of the wheelchair and into the car. Not sure how (or even "if") she was able to get out of the car at the intended destination. They also left without the wheelchair. Didn't take a list of meds in case of emergency. Didn't even ask if any meds would be due while they were out of the facility. Didn't take incontinence pads. Didn't take change of clothes. You get the picture.
Person who did this never believed it that a NH was truly necessary and my LO really wasn't "that bad off", etc. I was pooh-poohed and painted as heartless for putting Marge away for "no reason" other than I supposedly didn't want to be bothered anymore....., etc. etc. etc.
She did come back a couple of hours later - might have even been less. It seemed like forever is what I remember.
The person who took her that day, never attempted it again. I never got the full story on how it went, but it was never tried again. Object lesson.
If you have not cared for someone with Dementia, you have no idea what goes into that care. This will be a learning experience for the rest of the family. They will hopefully realize why you could not take care of Mom anymore.
I so hope your are glad u weren't invited. You know they would have expected you to do for her. Have a great Thanksgiving and don't worry about Mom. This is a choice "well meaning family" made. Let them deal with it. If they call for help, say sorry I am busy with my own family. You chose to take her out of the NH and by doing that she is ur responsibility. People learn by experiencing. Bet they never do it again.
That's how I would handle this chaos....get this list on file immediately, along with oral notice that only the POA is to take her out, providing it is YOU who hold POA. If not, then you hold no power to create such a list.
Most people who aren't directly involved with compromised elders have NO CLUE what it'll be like to take the woman out for "a fun holiday". God help them.
-- or something!! and then let it go.
If you are going to be at the same family gathering you sit back and do not aid the "do gooders" that want to have mom for Thanksgiving.
Between 10 minutes and 30 minutes after mom arrives and she wants to "go home" because she is up set, confused, anxious simply say..."Sorry, I can't take her home right now I have had a glass of wine and I should not drive for a few hours"