Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
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I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
Why won't your mother's husband agree to your taking her out for the day?
Please don't reply "because he is a controlling monster who hates me and doesn't care about his wife." That won't be the reason. Certainly, it won't be the reason he gives for his decision. What reason does he give?
The key point here is that your rights are unimportant (and anyway you don't have any, not about this). It is your mother's rights that matter. If her husband's POA means that at this stage he is making decisions on her behalf, then he must act in her best interests.
Your profile states that your mother has Alzheimers/dementia; and she is living in a facility.
On the face of it, the likeliest reason for the husband's refusal of your offer to take her out is that it would disrupt her routine and cause her distress. She might, for example, have a lovely time going out with you and enjoying a change of scene; but then return exhausted to the facility and have real difficulty settling back in. She might be confused by the change and become difficult for you to manage safely. She may have medical or care needs that you're not familiar with. It may even be the case that the husband doesn't trust you to return her to the facility.
So: why do you think the husband won't let you take her out?
Fact is i had medical decisions up to a point i went into the hospital and he told my mom i died. He has a problem with all if my moms family and he is very controlling. When he admitted her he told the facility that she had no living relative's. I do get the comment it could make things more difficult if i take her out. But when she calls and asks for my help due to her falling and he refused to take her to the ER to be checked out what am i supposed to do?
How long has your mother been married to her husband?
You had medical POA for your mother. You then had to be admitted to hospital (sorry to hear this), and the husband explained your absence to your mother by telling her that you had died. Are you sure about that? Who told you that?
How long were you out of action? Did your hospital stay result in the husband's legitimately taking over your medical POA, or what?
Over what period of time was all this going on?
Whatever they were told at admission, the facility is now aware that your mother does have living relatives. Standing right there in their lobby, indeed. How did they respond to your first contact with them? - did they express any surprise, or doubts about your identity?
Are you having any difficulty in your communication or working relationship with the facility itself? How long has your mother been living there?
Do not even think about taking your mother out for the day. Protect your ability to visit her by scrupulously toeing the line and developing a good bond with the facility's staff.
Of course it is upsetting to receive a phone call from a loved one pleading for help and appearing to be neglected. But were any of your mother's complaints borne out in reality? Had she fallen? Had she been checked over by anyone? Was there in fact any justification for taking her to the ER?
If information comes from your mother you don't ignore it, of course not, but you can't rely on it - you have to verify it against other sources. Remember that this is a long-term negotiation. It will pay to be patient and co-operative.
How are you in yourself now? I'm especially sorry if all this stress and conflict is damaging your health and slowing your recovery.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Please don't reply "because he is a controlling monster who hates me and doesn't care about his wife." That won't be the reason. Certainly, it won't be the reason he gives for his decision. What reason does he give?
The key point here is that your rights are unimportant (and anyway you don't have any, not about this). It is your mother's rights that matter. If her husband's POA means that at this stage he is making decisions on her behalf, then he must act in her best interests.
Your profile states that your mother has Alzheimers/dementia; and she is living in a facility.
On the face of it, the likeliest reason for the husband's refusal of your offer to take her out is that it would disrupt her routine and cause her distress. She might, for example, have a lovely time going out with you and enjoying a change of scene; but then return exhausted to the facility and have real difficulty settling back in. She might be confused by the change and become difficult for you to manage safely. She may have medical or care needs that you're not familiar with. It may even be the case that the husband doesn't trust you to return her to the facility.
So: why do you think the husband won't let you take her out?
How long has your mother been married to her husband?
You had medical POA for your mother. You then had to be admitted to hospital (sorry to hear this), and the husband explained your absence to your mother by telling her that you had died. Are you sure about that? Who told you that?
How long were you out of action? Did your hospital stay result in the husband's legitimately taking over your medical POA, or what?
Over what period of time was all this going on?
Whatever they were told at admission, the facility is now aware that your mother does have living relatives. Standing right there in their lobby, indeed. How did they respond to your first contact with them? - did they express any surprise, or doubts about your identity?
Are you having any difficulty in your communication or working relationship with the facility itself? How long has your mother been living there?
Do not even think about taking your mother out for the day. Protect your ability to visit her by scrupulously toeing the line and developing a good bond with the facility's staff.
Of course it is upsetting to receive a phone call from a loved one pleading for help and appearing to be neglected. But were any of your mother's complaints borne out in reality? Had she fallen? Had she been checked over by anyone? Was there in fact any justification for taking her to the ER?
If information comes from your mother you don't ignore it, of course not, but you can't rely on it - you have to verify it against other sources. Remember that this is a long-term negotiation. It will pay to be patient and co-operative.
How are you in yourself now? I'm especially sorry if all this stress and conflict is damaging your health and slowing your recovery.