I have been taking care of my mom for almost 7 years now. She is constantly demanding things from me and when I don't meet her needs she makes fun of me, she blames me for how she feels, she says I don't care. She also recently started calling her friends and siblings to say bad things about me that I am not doing. She recently body shamed me and glares at me. She has threatened to kick me out of her home before, but when things would get worse to where she ended up in the hospital she would brag about how much she needed me. I started going to therapy, but I wanted to know how else I can set boundaries with her since I am still in her home. I am on my way to moving out and have more savings/work full time and working on my license. I know I will move soon it is just a process I have to go through. How can I manage things when she blames me for everything. I have tried walking away or asking her not to speak to me a certain way and it makes things worse. I am trying not to internalize everything she says, but it's hard. She has been this way my entire life. No matter what I do it is not good enough. What other ways can I set boundaries until I move out? How can I feel safe here until then?
Look up Narcissism. See if Mom meets the meaning. If so, I will never win. 60 is not old so she can find resources to help her. You get out ASAP.
The Grey Rock suggestion from JoAnn is an awesome idea. Google & watch YouTubes too.
It's hard to start, but keep going. Tuning out is very hard as we have all been trained to engage in conversation, whether polite, rude, helpful or otherwise.
Slow down when Mother talks to you. Breathe.
Rather than reply instantly, take your time. Decide.
Is this a positive conversation? Is it polite? Do you want to engage?
Or is this her having a moan (venting), talking just to stir things up (stirring the pot). If so, this is your *grey rock* moment. But it will take practice & be hard as you live together. She will notice the change too & attack you over that too.
Maybe instead of true Grey Rock, try your own Grey Rock Lite? Instead of ONE word answers, try a short sentence. Instead of NO emotion, show just a little. Add a shrug. Show her words do not harm you.
In time, this *fake it til you make it* can work. You will actually build up your defences & what she says really won't impact you as much. Be more like "Yeah ok. You are allowed to think that Mom. However, I disagree. Shrug. Let's leave it there for now". Convo over. Walk into next room.