Hello!
My 85-YO-MIL has CKD, late stage. Due to previous head injuries (falls) she can no longer speak. She is living in a small private care home. We feel she gets pretty good attention there on hospice. She has started hitting the wall with her fists. Hospice nurse says this is part of the CKD behaviors. Also says she is too old and frail for dialysis. I realize we would have to take her off of hospice to have dialysis. Is dialysis hard on a person? Sorry, that sounds like a very stupid question. I'm just wondering if the nurse is not wanting to lose a hospice patient? I hate second guessing if I'm being told the truth. She has lost a lot of weight. They aren't putting her teeth in and so she is on a soft diet. Any thoughts or advise are appreciated. Thank you in advance.
At 85 years old, this way of life is not very pleasant and probably not realistic to maintain. Since you have already made her a hospice patient, talk with her doctor about her current behavior. The doctor may be able to adjust her medications to help her.
I would also not worry about them not putting in her teeth. It's probably too much effort for all involved. Is she eating the soft diet? Can you get her ensure or something liquid for calories if she's not loving the soft diet. Yogurt has good protein, for example.
As far as hitting the walls, I would ask about a small dose of something for anxiety to help her feel calmer.
Sorry that your mom is failing.
When my brother was dying of pancreatic cancer that had spread to his liver, lymph nodes and lower lung, we attempted dialysis since his kidneys were still functioning, but at a significantly impaired level. However, his blood pressure got too low during the dialysis session so we stopped the session. We tried 2 more times, then gave up.
He didn't want to use hospice. He died about 5 days later due to toxic buildup in his system.
I have a friend that goes to dialysis regularly. He goes 3 times a week and it takes him 2-3 hours after each session to feel like himself again.
Next thing my younger brother had something similar but kidney failure due to inability to urinate for several days. He had a bladder tumor the size of a grapefruit that ended as stage 4. He only lived 6 weeks from diagnosis. He lost appetite and spent most days sleeping. He needed no opiates and quietly stopped away. His kidneys barely put out urine
https://www.aarp.org/caregiving/health/info-2019/hospice-need-to-know/?cmp=KNC-DSO-CAREGIVING-Caregiving-Hospice-NonBrand-Exact-44452-GOOG-Hospice-Exact-NonBrand&gclid=CjwKCAjw_uGmBhBREiwAeOfsd700fhQUIDk2mbfrDXZX7WF8_9myFDWHI9XvblpePLo1ss--cO6wWBoCdeoQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds
I would like to gently ask the blunt questions;
Firstly, what does MIL's Kidney Specialist recommend about dialysis? IF recommended, for what aim?
For comfort care measures? Or attempt to lengthen life?
I realise thereare many people that value taking all medical measures to prolong a life. There are others that value nature's way. Your families values will shape how you feel.
I would ask, despite not speaking, can your MIL communicate what she wants?
Does she understand about her condition? If so, does she want *invasive treatments*?
While I have not had dialysis treatment, I've met many people that have. They report it is not painful but is tedious. They can feel cool/cold & tired afterwards - but I'm sure that varies. They can show some confusion (due to build up of toxins) on non-dialysys days in end stage. This can sometimes cause distress to relatives.
For younger people on a donor list, dialysis can be a holding pattern until a more hopeful future life.
For me, at advanced age, I value quality of life over invasive treatments.
I don't love life so much that I'd opt for that, myself.
If you're waiting for a transplant, that's one thing. If you are simply choosing to treat kidney failure as part of aging--well, that's your choice.
This is definitely one time you need to opinions of the drs and listen to them.
It doesn't appear to be painful, at least. My MIL's kidneys are shutting down and she has not complained of pain of any kind.
Thank all of you for your replies and compassion.
It is much appreciated and helpful.
Bless each of you in your journey. Grace! Grace! Grace!
whew.
Lainey
Thank all of you for your replies and compassion.
It is much appreciated and helpful.
Bless each of you in your journey. Grace! Grace! Grace!
whew.
Lainey
So sorry she and you are going thru this.