I don't make New Year's Resolution's. I think I'm always a work in progress. There are things I'm always grappling with. I'm interested to hear what others are working on to better themselves and how you are going about doing it.
I'll start: I'm trying to not judge others. I'm trying to look within more and correct my own faults more instead of criticizing those around me. I'm still struggling with this so please don't judge if you see me still doing a number on other people. :)
But I hope one day to truly not grow weary in well doing. I'm praying for it.
Gershun- Love and acceptance of ourselves is a challenge. One I struggle with as well. But doable and we will get there. What I am learning is that when we feel good about ourselves and are kind to ourselves, we are even more loving and kind to others. We set our own standards on ourselves and when we fall short, we feel bad. It is hard.
I've got a new one. Learn to love myself more. Lately, I've been not well and the other night it dawned on me I always pray for myself last. Maybe it's time to make myself more of a priority.
You seem to be headed in the right direction. Beautiful thread.
I love that you want to make yourself more of a priority. Yes, it’s all about balance. It’s important to have harmony and balance in our lives. Easier said than done but we all have to work at it.
Hospitality doesn't come easily to me either, Smeshque. My home is my comfort zone, and when I have guests, I feel like I have to entertain, and yes the privacy issue also. It's hard to fully relax. I totally understand where you're coming from. I also have a hard time being a guest at someone else's home for the same reason, except the having to entertain part.
I surely do not want others to be like me, and am happy for others who succeed
in being the free spirits they are.
P.S.
How did I miss this thread all this time? Tonight it just came up on my news feed.
Likely, thanks to Smeshque.
The only difference is that I have an understanding now that I did not have then. I know that with God's help and time, I will get it figured out. I have had a tremendously hard time since the addition of my new responsibility.
I have life now with Mom down to a science as they say( whoever they are). But figuring out life with the new responsibility has been rough.
So I guess now I am working on patience again, not with Mom now, I have been blessed to have that most of the time with her. But now patience with AB. And I am also praying to be more hospitable. Hospitality is not something that comes easy and natural for me. It was me and DH for many years alone, and although we did things with others at times, we were most content just being with each other alone at home. Even if we did nothing. I finally got use to having my parents here and we got that down. Even though that is still hard. But it has been difficult not to feel like we have no privacy. And I truly do not want to feel that way, it just does. I love him, it is just getting use to another person around. I know it is my own flaw and weakness and I am praying about it.
So again I am working on patience and hospitality.
It feels to me that this is a wonderful reunion, where we open our heart to each other. How very therapeutic!
I am glad that Gershun dared to post such a deeply- searching question.
Interestingly, I am reading that research finds the most content and serene age group to be the Seniors:
—Maturity,
—letting go of things that cannot be changed,
—enjoy the simplest pleasures
—not letting the past take up the present
—accept and love with action, family members who are not who we would like them to be
—be a Volunteer to brighten someone’s life, whenever possible
—forgiving others. It is a gift to ourselves!
—-not getting mad. Taking deep breaths and “ choosing our battles, since as Caregivers we have so many everyday! The body and the mind stay calmer and that is healthier.
—Praying for guidance to be able to live the life we believe in. Clarity and calmness clothes us as God is pleased with our imperfect,
well intended efforts.
I personally try to live one hour at a time, making the best of it for my husband , my family and myself.
My goal is to stay the course, to follow my beliefs, to be grateful
for whatever I still have, to have no regrets and to finish strong.
I am the Author of my own life,
in spite my difficult circumstances.
God IS my Shepherd and I live in peace “that passes human understanding”
I do use my perfumes and I do listen to soft music and I make time to read what each one of you, dear
Caregivers share on this most valuable forum!
When I read Tuesday With Morrie, a sad, real story, I learned to enjoy the little that I have, before I possibly loose that too. Life is a solving one challenge after another and enjoying the little breaks in between.
As far as judging others? I used to do that a lot. Now, I have no time or energy for that. It is what it is. I have no more expectations of others, reminding myself that “everyone carries their own emotional bags”
I find it liberating!
God bless each one of you! 🌹
I do not want to be like the children of Israel in the wilderness complaining about Manna, remembering the delicious cucumbers back in Egypt. They had super trouble for all their complaints.
So I am trying really hard to "go with the flow" and remind myself that all things work together for good to them that love God. So I just have to remember that in the midst of when things don't seem so good or to go the way I think they should, that it in some way is for my own good and it will work out as planned.
As a caregiver I feel at the very beginning I had more endurance and let things just go and didn’t lose patience so much, but now I’ve terrible trouble being patient. I don’t act on it but my mind is the problem. For example, some days I’m very tired, physically tired, and I’m looking forward to being able to go to bed, but then I’m asked to do something, and then something else, and so on, and in my head (shame on me!) I get actually mad! Although I don’t say anything, nor act mad, but inside it upsets me. What a difficult weakness to fight against.
We human beings have a tendency not to really realize and appreciate all the gifts we are given, for example-using my situation for instance- if we have someone that requires our presence all the time, is because we have someone! If we are asked to do things when we would rather rest, well first, we are able to do them which means we are physically able! And two, we are able to serve! Through this we are being given the opportunity to work on our patience and on our way to give love!
There is more positive aspects and blessings than reasons to complain, always.
It is our view which needs to change. So NOT easy! But like we have said before, we are nothing but a work in progress with the hope to become better each day. May the Lord help us in our mission!
I have noticed the last few days, that I have really made an effort to do this, that I feel more at peace. I can't really explain it any other way.
So I will keep trying to live in the moment. Now, I know I won't always be able to do it. But, now I see what benefits it brings when I can. So I will continue praying on it and practicing it.
Thank you Gershun, if you wouldn't have started this thread, I wouldn't have made a conscious effort or recognized the need for me to do this. I appreciate you provoking thought in me on improving my interior.
Practice never makes perfect, only better.
Yesterday, waiting for maintenance person to arrive. Same thing.
There is always room for us to grow.
I too think Rosses post was well said and quite thoughtful and real. I wish I could express things like that.
I think I can.............I think I can.
LOL
Tough one.
Work in progress or Work in Process, in accounting and financial terms abbreviated as “WIP”, and yes that is me! But better work in progress than motionless matter!
I have said this many times because it is simply the truth: My caregiving journey is the biggest test and learning opportunity I have had in my life. So I’m sure that with or without my consent there will be a lot more growing I’ll experience!
And although personal growing is normally uncomfortable and even painful, I know it makes me a better human being. So, what I’m working on primarily is “learning not to miss the learnings” life is offering me. Every challenge could go by just causing me to react with sadness, anger or frustration and despair, all very common feelings for us caregivers, but if I am able to see beyond those feelings and get over them, I will see and receive the lesson!
In order not to miss those lessons I need to work on my ability to be humble, to have a clear and realistic view, to be honest, to be patient because patience is the key to wisdom and love! To put love over tiredness, love over resentment, love over anger, love for others above love for myself! Quite a task, but the beauty of it is that I believe it summarizes all the rest I need to work on, because If I put in practice my love for others I won’t criticize as much, as won’t get angry, won’t resent, won’t let pride guide my actions, won’t feel despair, etc.
To prepare myself for that, I’m trying to enrich my spiritual life giving myself more time for praying and connecting with God every day. I am a firm believer that faith can in fact move mountains, and in this case the mountain is myself!
I need all my faith to have a solid foundation for the change I hope to experience!
I met with my sister yesterday. She has had a few setbacks lately. It dawned on me the other day that maybe God was trying to get in touch with her. I felt compelled to say something to her about it. I know God wanted me to say something to her so I did, not really expecting her to welcome the words but I just went ahead and did it anyway. I hope it gave her pause..............maybe to just think about what I meant if nothing else. She is one of these people who could possibly do with a little self-examination and I believe with all these setbacks that God wants that of her. I hope that I did my part by mentioning this to her.
Living in each moment.
I feel I get caught up in getting through something or getting on to the next thing, that I miss out on a lot of joy. I know this robs God of my acknowledging more blessings, or even thanksgiving. It robs others of joy too if I am just rushing through things.
So I am going to try really hard to "stop and smell the roses." And be more of an active listener instead of just an ear. Just each try and live each moment as it comes.
Thanks Gershun, this thread is very thought provoking.
I am working on putting my past to rest. The things of my childhood are at rest, but the things that have happened in the last 7 years. For example, my dad's death (still thinking I should have done more & there are things I wished I would have said), the things my mother has said and done to me in the last few years, and to learn to forgive myself. I find it is much easier to forgive others than myself. I don't why! And most of all...to learn the difference when it is my fight or God's! Like most people if not all, I too am a work in progress!
I am with you smeshque, I feel like at times I only give Him bits and pieces of myself as well.
Oh, and the pleated pants from the eighties. Yeah, it's coming back in style but I'll never wear them again. Maybe someone will go to the thrift shop and say "hey, vintage" Yep, I'm vintage now. Sigh..................
I didn't make any NY resolutions. I have in the past and mostly never kept them, though I think it did help to put ideas for change in the front of my mind.
This year I didn't make any, but as I was doing a workout this past week I realized with crystal clear clarity what I want to accomplish in my life in 2019. When this year ends, I want there to be no pieces of clothing (I have 3 closets of stuff right now) or jewelry (I used to buy and sell and have a bit of stock left), or music media (I have crates of records and CDs) that I'm not using or have a plan for.
This year is the year I get rid of all the clutter of a life I had in the past and clean it out for the years I have ahead of me.
That's a darn good goal, imo. I think I can do it but it will take consistent effort to keep hacking away at things.
I would like to think that we are all works in progress, but the really important thing is that we keep working. A baby step is progress after all, and a step in the right direction.
I want to be more patient.
I have no problem whatsoever with answering the same questions over and over and over... And many other facets of caring for someone with dementia.
But... The ocd "cleaning" drives me insane! It isn't actually Cleaning but straightening. And if Only She hid things I didn't care about, LOL. I try to keep my things out of sight. And instead of reacting, I just talk to myself and count to 100 while watching where she hides things. If I see her doing it. She thinks she is putting things away, but really she is just shoving things in any available space. Ugh.
So, I will keep trying. And when I screw up, and quiz her about where something went and get upset....I will apologize, and remember that tomorrow she won't remember.
Thankfully?
Sparkles ✨