I was so frustrated by my mother that I took a coffee mug and threw it as hard as I could against a brick wall outside. The damn thing bounced off with only a chip. It was unbelievable. The good news is I started to laugh so hard that the tension left me and I returned to the house feeling better. For awhile at least. 🙄😏
I was always grateful that my husband was never a person to bring the office home with him. He rarely speaks about issues at his office.
He left his work behind. From the minute he walked through the door he was my sweetheart and the girl’s father.
Even though he is working from home now due to Covid, when the work day ends he is with me. I love that!
I will never forget something my neighbor said to me one afternoon. We were both outside in our front yards and started chatting.
I asked him how his wife liked her new job. He said, “She hates it and I have to hear about it every night at dinner and I just want to relax after working all day.
He’s a nice guy. He told me that he empathized with his wife. He was sorry that she didn’t like her job and suggested that she looked elsewhere for employment but she wouldn’t and he was sick of hearing about it.
So, use this forum or a therapist to vent instead of people close to you.
Best wishes.
i agree, that people might tire of listening to it. but i also think it depends what kind of trouble one is venting about.
some people at work are lucky: they’re treated ok, colleagues ok, boss ok.
some people are abused (at work, home, whatever). i mean that some people might have more reasons to vent.
women at work are sometimes treated very badly by other women at work, etc...
daughters are often treated very badly by their mothers, etc...
then the question is what solutions exist...
some of us are in very tricky situations that can’t easily be changed.
of course some people just like to vent/complain. but i’m talking about the people who do want nice solutions, but are in a difficult situation where solutions aren’t easy.
frustration, anger...
it does damage us...
if we can somehow turn it around and use it to our advantage.
start a hobby, which thanks to that anger/frustration, becomes a great hobby/passion. maybe even to the point that one says, “thanks for having treated me so badly. thanks for all the anger, frustration.”
hug!!
I no longer a caregiver to mom but when I did here are some of the things that were on my list.
On really bad days:
🍷 Wine, 🍺 Beer or Gin🍸!
Cry! 😥
Not so bad days:
Hot bath 🛀
Chocolate 🍫
Listen to music while riding my exercise bike 🎶
Going for a walk 🚶
Sew🪡
Cook 🥘
Read📚
Watch a movie
🍿
Talk to my sweet daughters on the phone about pleasant things 📱
My mother was an art major in college, and the only medium she was absolutely terrible at was pottery. She often told about a set of dishes she made on the potter's wheel that were so off-balanced and awful that she saved them solely for the purpose of throwing them when she was frustrated.
My mother was never one to get so frustrated as to throw anything, but she finally decided it was time to chuck one of those plates on the floor, and sure enough, it bounced.
The next time you want to toss pottery in anger, make sure it isn't fired. ;-)
courage! hugs!!
i totally understand you, and
what you write about siblings.
i truly can’t understand how it’s possible for siblings not to say thank you.
my conclusion, is that i never realized values/ethics/morals can be so different from sibling to sibling.
and not bothering to say thank you.
it’s almost like some siblings want us to be angry, frustrated, ignored...
maybe some of them even want our lives to be destroyed. maybe some take pleasure in the hard times caregivers have. i think it’s possible.
they might even be happy they’re creating anger, resentment, frustration...
——these are all negative emotions that the caregiver then carries around.
don’t let these people “win”.
succeed! be happy! smile!! :) try to find good solutions, so your life blossoms. don’t let them “win”.
Wouldn’t you know it, the first plate went right through the wall and stuck there like a throwing star. I was shocked, then said to heck with it and threw a few more. Some bounced off and exploded, some stuck in the wall. In the end I cleaned up the satisfying mess and looked up how to repair drywall and bought the supplies.
Right when I was going to fix it, mom had an emergency so I was dealing with ER stuff instead. Ended up telling the real estate agents so sorry, I had an accident with some furniture...hahahahahaha....they said nothing....lol
I can’t throw plates every day so I try to exercise a lot.
Hope everyone enjoyed a Happy New Year virtually.
Please pray for me to get through my final extremely physical working months, about 3 to 9 more, in my extended temporary essential mail processing job until able to file for my full SSA retirement benefits for better financial security come November. They make me work 6 nights a week with only one day off, no holidays or vacation, even asking for voluntary overtime I'm now too tired to accept to save some of my health with more rest. That plant never closes and hope I never get COVID. Yes, I will get that vaccination as soon as it's available. I want to stop working to see more fun and just volunteer in my easier hours in my life before eventually leaving our planet. Want to see my family and friends before some more pass for any reason. Still so young in my 60s with more years to come. This terrible COVID did not have to happen to like it now has upend our lives, and may God help us all.
Listening to YouTube for drugstore makeup & skincare tutorials was fun. Would take mom with me to Walgreens. She looked at her own stuff (toys & socks) & I’d pick out my stuff. Sometimes she’d sit in the car and wait for me. It may not work if mom is home bound to go shopping in person. Target & Walmart have free delivery if you buy $35 of stuff.
Also listened to alternative (angry) music I liked in high school - The Clash, The Sex Pistols, X, The Smiths. Would sing along.
Wishing you the best, and hoping that you are going to start taking care of yourself, so you can continue on this journey with your mom.
What are you trying to cope with?