I am 60 Mom is 85. Both of my other siblings died last August. I left my job and asked my fiance to give me a couple months to get this taken care of so Mom will be okay. Its now June. I'm stuck. I mean really stuck. Mom refuses to allow anyone in the house. She is not able to get herself to the bathroom or make meals. If I leave she will be alone, if I stay I will continue to resent her and the fact that I no longer have my own stability at my age. She even refuses to take a bath. Before my brothers both died they told me she hasn't been in the bath for a shower for over a year. She hasn't left the house in 7 years. The last time she was outside was over 5 years ago. Mom lives in Illinois and my home and my family is in Wisconsin. So what can I do without hurting Mom's health or me ending up charged with something?
You say in post below that your mom is fine cognitively.......I'm wondering what that is based upon. When a person is refusing to bathe for months, not able to get herself food and basic hygiene and resists care......that's very concerning. I'd consult with an attorney to get information about your rights and obligations as her POA and family member. It sounds very concerning. With information about your rights, you can determine if you have the legal authority to act to protect her. Or if you choose not to, who can step in for her own protection.
One other thing we did, as we're in TX and she's in NJ, was to hire a geriatric case manager. She visited MIL a few times in the hospital and built a rapport. She also helped her 'make the decision on her own' that she couldn't go home again. She also helped her 'decide she didn't need to drive anymore' on her own. I say those tongue in cheek :-) She was very skilled, we got the decision we needed, and MIL retained the facade of control. Worth every penny.
Long answer, but occasionally you have to let nature run it's course, and live your life. It's hard to watch (we'd been asking her for 10 years to move), but....
Also, like someone else suggested, call the Agency on Aging. If she's not good at driving, report her to the DMV. You have to do what you need to do so you can sleep, but you also need to live your life. Good luck!
What prevents your mother from getting to the bathroom and from preparing meals? - other than her unwillingness to do so, combined with your doing these things for her, I mean.
I'm very sorry to read of your family's losses. Do you mind my asking what happened to your brothers? And again, do you mind my asking what changed seven years ago that might have made your mother reluctant to leave her home?
Please do take care of you. A loving, healthy, mentally sound mother wouldn’t expect her daughter to give up her own life indefinitely like you have. It isn’t right.
Answering these questions will help us to help you.