Mom is 91 years old, early dementia, macular degeneration, hearing aids but decreased level of comprehension. I am with her all weekends. And have limited help during the week. My beloved little dog just died this week, unexpectedly, in my arms. My dad passed 2and a half years ago, I spent the month he was hospitalized with him most nights and days. I have been staying with my mother ever since, although I have a house nearby. She can't be left alone, as the last time I did that, she got up, fell, and broke her hip (1/2013), and does not seem to remember her limits. Mom keeps telling me I should bury and not cremate my dog, she loved her too much. She also keeps bringing up my dad's death, and circumstances (cancer), and just won't stop. I am grieving too. I can barely stand this any more. What can I do to cope? How can I get her to stop telling me I should have my little one buried, not cremated? I made the arrangements after arriving at the veterinarian, where she was DOA. I hurt, and mom just makes it worse. Please help.......
Losing your beloved dog is terribly hard. If I may generalize, it's now most common to cremate beloved pets. It's difficult to find a place to legally bury an animal and you certainly didn't want your dog's body "disposed of" the way it would be without a dignified cremation. As a pet lover and often pet owner (and sister of a pet fanatic), I think you did the right thing for your dog. You don't have to convince your mother of this - she likely won' t understand anyway. Again, try to keep that conversation to a minimum and change the subject when possible.
Your mom is going to need full time care, likely a nursing home. That will mean making another adjustment, but it also will mean that you don't have sole responsibility for her care.
Try not to argue with her if possible - you can even say, "you're right, Mom" whether or not she is. Helping your mom move off topic can be worth a little white lie. Let her save face and move on.
We are here for you whenever you want to vent or ask questions. Please keep coming back and let us know how you are doing.
Take care,
Carol