What can I do to manage my emotions in order not to blow up? I would write more to explain and vent, but I ran out of characters space.

This will be a lengthy message, but I'll just go for it even though no one may read this, being stuck and confided in my mind daily with no one to talk to feels pulverizing. I'm 17 years old and ever since my dad, 65 years old, begin to be in elder stage around a month ago, he's been having body balance and memory issues, sometimes needing help by lifting him up from the bed and the sorts, forgotten if he had placed things back to where they were before when he had already done it a few minutes ago, having a memory hallucination for 3 times already that there's a girl older than me living together with us when I'm an only child. My father became more short-tempered than in the past, he would give me some slaps that don't really make me feel physically hurt, only feeling degraded, just the kind of slaps that's strong enough to feel the physical impact, but not to hurt physically, whenever he gets displeased or angry at my failure to understand what he wants, getting my attention, making mistakes, what chores I'm supposed to do and how to do it (My parents seldom to make me do chores as they're the one who does it when I was young to give me a carefree life to play and study. So I have almost no experience and it's only now that my dad wants me to do chores since he genuinely needs help). He would whispers angrily "ShaBi" which means Stupid C*nt in his native language (He taught me swear words in his native language for fun which it indeed was. But now, it feels terrible fully understanding what he curses as it feels degrading to me). Every time he shouted at me, I lose my appetite. There was even one time I tried not to eat at all for 3 days and got successful before I called it quits since my father was sleeping a lot at that time, so he couldn't pay close attention to me. Whenever I see his irritated expression, I feel displeased. Every morning I wake up, I don't feel that chillness that I used to feel every day before, I feel dread (dread may be too heavy from what I searched, I think what I feel is more closer to unease and some anxiety) . Once, after I cried because of him and calmed down, my heart felt pain every time I breathe in, couldn't breathe as deeply as I could until after 3 days that it went back normal and I searched on the Internet about it and identified that I may have gotten Broken Heart Syndrome. And when he saw my self-harm, he got angry which is a normal reaction, but it made me irritated because "you slap me when I'm doing badly, so why can't I do it myself to punish myself? “I didn't voiced that to avoid tension rising. It pisses me more that he expects me to behave like a gentle, sweet, docile and patient person with him when he behaves like that. I noticed that I've gotten verbally deflective with him recently, getting easily annoyed by him even if he just sighs and started to disdain being near him and when he told me that he'll teach me about chores, I felt anger which never happened before as I would be okay with it like "Oh, cool, knowledge!" in the past. Once, I gotten too fed up with him, that I pushed him in a force that's enough to create a distance between us, not to the point of him being on the floor nor to injure him. Once I tried to discuss to him about me thinking about the possible consequences of a person's treatment to another and the emotional and mental health simply because it's something I'm very really interested in and then he shouted at me to shut up and that it's not my business which is true, but it really hurt me emotionally especially with the feeling that I'm stuck in my mind without anyone willing to hear me. I have these desires and impatience for my life to finish already, I don't want to continue anymore, just let my conscious end and I found out to successfully die actually takes effort to do it in my perspective because I failed which I feel sorrow and cried as that means I have to continue my life due to failing to die. I resent him, but I don't think I really hate him.