I grew up in an ultra reserved, conservative household. Sex was never discussed. EVER. Yesterday mom saw him stripped down to a tshirt masturbating on his bed. This morning he came into the kitchen, took off his pajama pants and started telling me how shriveled up his penis was. I was completely caught off guard when he pulled down his pull ups. All I could think in that moment to do was redirect him to the bathroom and said the kitchen isn't the place to talk about that. Now that I've calmed down how do my mother and I approach him and what do we say if he starts exposing himself more? This is completely new behaviour.
This behavior sounds more like how a toddler or small boy would act when they’re in that phase of ‘discovery’! And given his decline, he will likely move to another phase and stop this behavior,
Good luck with this--I know it was a problem with FIL until his death--he has some seriously deep rooted problems and they were never addressed.
We did NOT have dementia or Alz. He just had a sexual problem that went un-fixed.
People who get it younger like Michael J. Fox will see the disease progress more quickly.
Best of luck
All the best.
I somewhat remember a post on here from an elderly husband whose wife had dementia. It seemed family had gathered at their home to celebrate her birthday (their adult kids & grandkids, etc)... when it was time for her to blow out her birthday candles, she comes out from the bedroom in her birthday suit, completely naked!
The nice thing about the story was how gentle her husband treated her, by simply turning her around, walking her back to the bedroom, and telling her she needed to have her clothes on for family events like this.
I believe, with dementia, there is no "approaching him" about this.
Involve his Dr.
Something's going on here.
Definitely certain drugs used for Parkinson’s treatment, mirapex (pramipexole) for instance, can have an unfortunate side effect of hypersexuality. The neurologist tried to take my father off this drug but turns out he needs the positive effects so we have to live with the negative effects too.
In general we do what others have suggested and redirect him when he does these behaviors. You can also tell him, like you said already, that what he is doing is a private behavior and should only be done in his own room. I have asked my father to please stop his behavior and dropped a towel across his lap. He has expressed to me before, with regret, that he thinks about sex all the time and his women caretakers all the time. I tell him I’m sorry and tell him it is happening because that is one side effect of his disease and the drugs he takes. If you would have told me several years ago I would be dealing with this, and talking about this, with my father I would have been totally shocked and disgusted. Now I am not. I understand it truly is his disease process and I remind myself this is not really my father, It is my father tortured by a horrible disease he has no control over. It is him that would be the one shocked and disgusted if he were truly able to consider, in his former fully rational mind, what he is doing. Please try to not judge and don’t let others judge either. Gently and compassionately but firmly defend him if you are required to deal with this in the presence of others who don’t understand. So much has been taken away from your dad in terms of physical abilities, executive function, and dignity. Try not to withdraw your compassionate feelings and love toward him when this occurs. Just redirect and move on. Perhaps this phase is one we will pass through and leave behind someday. I hope so. Till then I do my best not to humiliate him or be humiliated myself.
One last thing I will add to the discussion. I am beginning to observe that when he begins to get extremely obsessive about penis touching, rubbing, and exposure, it has preceded or coincided with a UTI. When the UTI has been treated it is not quite as obsessive a behavior. Might check for UTI with your dad since this started so quickly.
Best of luck to you. Parkinson’s is a long sad road isn’t it.
My father started exposing himself to everyone everyone who visited him in hospital. Kind neighbours and family who expressed a wish to visit - I had to forward them in advance in case and I apologised on his behalf. They were all very good about it. Their no nonsense approach was perfect. Dad had prostate cancer and the hormones had essentially shrunk his penis till he had problems peeing in a bottle,
However, we all just treated him as normal and dealt with each occasion as it occurred. After dad returned home one neighbour on being shown again just said “I know, put it away you've shown me before that you’ve less than a 6 month boy.”
It was the right approach. However much a shock this may be - try to act as though instructing someone who doesn’t know the social niceties.
My aunt was a very upstanding citizen but as the Alzheimers progressed she had no qualms re spitting food out onto the floor or hitching her skirt up for a good scratch “down below”. She would have been horrified if she had known - but that person was long gone.
Im so sorry, it’s never nice when someone acts in such an unconventional manner, just remember he genuinely isn’t aware it’s wrong.
You did exactly the right thing redirecting your dad to the bathroom, not admonishing him but treating him with dignity & respect.
Give yourself some grace. Considering that was the first time it happened & you were caught off guard, you seemed to know exactly what to do.
It’s so helpful to read these posts & other books written about these horrible neurological disorders. You can also help your mom understand. The more you know, the easier it is to stay compassionate. However, as you know it’s very difficult to watch & be the care giver. Blessings to you.
My mom takes sinemet for Parkinson’s for many years. Must not effect women in a sexual manner. At least not with my mom.
People get this way after 10 or so years on parkinsons drugs if on higher doses. Male and female both. The drugs have the side effects plus people can have a double whammy with dementia.
Whenever he does this, just follow along with the conversation whilst redirecting him to a more private area.