Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
✔
I acknowledge and authorize
✔
I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
✔
I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
First, everyone in the family should know this is VERY COMMON in dementia. It does not mean anything in terms of which person is accused. It is the dementia.
Then, validate her feelings, but not the accusation. She needs acknowledgement that you've heard her complaint and reassurance that you are on her side. "Oh, Mom! Your nice embroidery scissors is missing?! I don't blame you for being upset about that. I know that Joyce wouldn't deliberately take them, but any one of us might have misplaced them. I will help you look for them. If they don't show up by tomorrow let's go shopping for a new pair."
Diversion is great if it works, but try not to seem dismissive, as if you don't believe her concerns.
While they are in this stage persons with dementia hide their things to keep them safe, and then forget that that did that! Often they use the same hiding places repeatedly, which makes the job of finding them a little easier.
My mom accused me and brother of the worst things, including stealing money, jewelry etc. all unfounded. I was really hurt and felt I had to defend myself at first -- until I read this blog and other books/references which explained this is a very common behavior.
I learned (thru folks here!) to go along with it. I would acknowledge mom's "reality" and say, "lets take a look around for it" -- and we would look in common places together and maybe her hidey holes and locate the object.
When it got so bad and my mom accused my brother of stealing her money out of the bank - I'd let her rant and rave and then ask "what should we do about it" and she wouldn't really know sometimes -- otherwise she'd want to call police and I'd offer to do so -- sometimes pretend to call and have conversation with police on the phone and go over all the details -- then report to mom that police were investigating and would come over "next week" to see her. This settled it for her and made her happy.
They forget easily and just want it to "be acknowledged" mostly.
I know its frustrating and painful for your daughter, but those family members who know your daughter and you and others would never believe these things.
I have to admit that my mom did accuse both my brother and I of stealing things, coming to her house, (etc.) and calling my aunts and uncles and reporting. Luckily, they understood mom's behavior and dementia as time went on -- (they would have short phone calls with her and think "how great she was and with it") not understanding that elders can "showstop"" and be normal for short periods.
No, don't validate your mom's accusations precisely because it will cause family rifts and it doesn't help your mom either.
When mom accuses someone in the family of stealing divert her attention to something else. An article in the local paper, an interesting show on tv, ask her about a memory, "Hey mom, remember that one time when we....." Divert her attention away from the accusation. I know it's difficult to do and takes a lot of energy but it is very unfair to the daughter who is being accused.
If the diversion doesn't work try another one until your mom gives up on her accusations.
You got good advice about what to do with the demented mom.
Regarding the family rift, call a FAMILY MEETING, either in person or via phone. Everyone in the family HAVE be told clearly, openly and in front of each other that the accusations are UNTRUE. And that this is one of the symptoms of dementia / Alzheimer's.. Mom loses her memory and loses tracks of her things. Search on this website or on the web for an article about dementia /Alzheimer's patients often accuse others, especially the caregivers of stealing. Give everyone a link to that article or a copy of it.
It is so UNFAIR to the accused since most of the time that person is the main caregiver who is already under a lot of stress taking care of the parent, and now being called a thief AND being abandoned by other family members. SO UNFAIR.
Thanks everyone very much. Mum is still living independently and has not been diagnosed with dementia/alzheimers.
She went through a period in 2005 of doing the same thing but it stopped and now it has started again. I think it may be because her younger brother has been diagnosed with dementia and she is scared of the same so instead of losing her memory she is blaming my sister. We took her to the doctor and he has prescribed Olanzapine so I hope this help.
From Drugs.com; "Olanzapine is an antipsychotic medication that affects chemicals in the brain. It is used to treat the symptoms of psychotic conditions such as schizophrenia and bipolar disorder (manic depression). Olanzapine is not approved for use in psychotic conditions related to dementia. It may increase the risk of death in older adults with dementia-related conditions. Long-term use of olanzapine can cause a serious movement disorder that may not be reversible. Symptoms include uncontrollable muscle movements of your lips, tongue, eyes, face, arms, or legs. The longer you take olanzapine, the more likely you are to develop this movement disorder. The risk of this side effect is higher in women and older adults." ------------------------------------------------------ I'm assuming her doctor has diagnosed her with one of the two psychotic conditions above and has ruled out dementia (meaning he doesn't think she has dementia). In his opinion, the benefits of this drug outweigh the possible side effects.
You should have received a written summary of this medicine when you picked it up at the pharmacy. I hope that you had a consultation with the pharmacist also because it was a new medication for her.
Please review Drugs.com website (or any other drug information website) for an extensive list of side effects that have been reported using this drug. I'm not trying to scare you but there are signs that you should watch out for that could be serious and permanent. If you have questions, talk to her doctor. Do NOT take her off of it without a doctor's order.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Then, validate her feelings, but not the accusation. She needs acknowledgement that you've heard her complaint and reassurance that you are on her side. "Oh, Mom! Your nice embroidery scissors is missing?! I don't blame you for being upset about that. I know that Joyce wouldn't deliberately take them, but any one of us might have misplaced them. I will help you look for them. If they don't show up by tomorrow let's go shopping for a new pair."
Diversion is great if it works, but try not to seem dismissive, as if you don't believe her concerns.
While they are in this stage persons with dementia hide their things to keep them safe, and then forget that that did that! Often they use the same hiding places repeatedly, which makes the job of finding them a little easier.
I learned (thru folks here!) to go along with it. I would acknowledge mom's "reality" and say, "lets take a look around for it" -- and we would look in common places together and maybe her hidey holes and locate the object.
When it got so bad and my mom accused my brother of stealing her money out of the bank - I'd let her rant and rave and then ask "what should we do about it" and she wouldn't really know sometimes -- otherwise she'd want to call police and I'd offer to do so -- sometimes pretend to call and have conversation with police on the phone and go over all the details -- then report to mom that police were investigating and would come over "next week" to see her. This settled it for her and made her happy.
They forget easily and just want it to "be acknowledged" mostly.
I know its frustrating and painful for your daughter, but those family members who know your daughter and you and others would never believe these things.
I have to admit that my mom did accuse both my brother and I of stealing things, coming to her house, (etc.) and calling my aunts and uncles and reporting. Luckily, they understood mom's behavior and dementia as time went on -- (they would have short phone calls with her and think "how great she was and with it") not understanding that elders can "showstop"" and be normal for short periods.
No, don't validate your mom's accusations precisely because it will cause family rifts and it doesn't help your mom either.
When mom accuses someone in the family of stealing divert her attention to something else. An article in the local paper, an interesting show on tv, ask her about a memory, "Hey mom, remember that one time when we....." Divert her attention away from the accusation. I know it's difficult to do and takes a lot of energy but it is very unfair to the daughter who is being accused.
If the diversion doesn't work try another one until your mom gives up on her accusations.
There is a difference between not forcing the issue and confirming her mistaken belief, you know.
What is the rift about? - what is the difference of opinion?
Regarding the family rift, call a FAMILY MEETING, either in person or via phone. Everyone in the family HAVE be told clearly, openly and in front of each other that the accusations are UNTRUE. And that this is one of the symptoms of dementia / Alzheimer's.. Mom loses her memory and loses tracks of her things. Search on this website or on the web for an article about dementia /Alzheimer's patients often accuse others, especially the caregivers of stealing. Give everyone a link to that article or a copy of it.
It is so UNFAIR to the accused since most of the time that person is the main caregiver who is already under a lot of stress taking care of the parent, and now being called a thief AND being abandoned by other family members. SO UNFAIR.
She went through a period in 2005 of doing the same thing but it stopped and now it has started again. I think it may be because her younger brother has been diagnosed with dementia and she is scared of the same so instead of losing her memory she is blaming my sister.
We took her to the doctor and he has prescribed Olanzapine so I hope this help.
Thanks again for your thoughts.
"Olanzapine is an antipsychotic medication that affects chemicals in the brain.
It is used to treat the symptoms of psychotic conditions such as schizophrenia and bipolar disorder (manic depression).
Olanzapine is not approved for use in psychotic conditions related to dementia. It may increase the risk of death in older adults with dementia-related conditions.
Long-term use of olanzapine can cause a serious movement disorder that may not be reversible. Symptoms include uncontrollable muscle movements of your lips, tongue, eyes, face, arms, or legs. The longer you take olanzapine, the more likely you are to develop this movement disorder. The risk of this side effect is higher in women and older adults."
------------------------------------------------------
I'm assuming her doctor has diagnosed her with one of the two psychotic conditions above and has ruled out dementia (meaning he doesn't think she has dementia). In his opinion, the benefits of this drug outweigh the possible side effects.
You should have received a written summary of this medicine when you picked it up at the pharmacy. I hope that you had a consultation with the pharmacist also because it was a new medication for her.
Please review Drugs.com website (or any other drug information website) for an extensive list of side effects that have been reported using this drug. I'm not trying to scare you but there are signs that you should watch out for that could be serious and permanent. If you have questions, talk to her doctor. Do NOT take her off of it without a doctor's order.