Help! I keep getting calls about the horrible lunches and she's demanding that I get her a new AL facility or to go home (can't do, needs 24/7care-dementia)! The AL facility is one that we are barely able to afford and I KNOW there aren't any other cheaper ones out there, believe me. I'm trying to repair the house to get it sold and am spending thousands of dollars, all the while I get the calls about the bad food and how I left her there, like a dog. I brought in her furniture, clothing, decorations, new bedding, etc. I'm at wits end and am so sad.
She also states that she asks the cafeteria staff for a salad instead and they said that she can only get a salad under doctor's orders. Also, mom has told me that the staff has favorites and she always gets the "smaller" piece of cake. I know my mom has called the food "dog food" to the staff and I'm guessing that doesn't help any. I did send mom a huge can of peanuts to snack on along w/ fruit snacks, upon her request. Any advice/suggestions are well appreciated because I don't know where else to turn...
What do you want to do about it? Keep sending her peanuts? Maybe some other healthy snacks? Like canned fruit? Granola bars, etc.?
You need to have a pat answer for when she calls to complain and then a fixed topic that you change the subject to. "I'm sorry that your lunch was so bad. Do you still have some of those peanuts I sent you? Good, why don't you have some of those to snack on?"
Regarding where she lives, if that's IT, then that's it. So perhaps you can find a way to help her come to terms with that. That's where you live now, mom. There are no other places for you to live now. Please try to make the best of it.
To ease your mind .. and make her happy (and you!), maybe take her treats (or have them delivered!) to keep in her fridge (if she has one) to indulge herself. When you visit, take her a favorite food ~ whatever that is. At this time in her life, Dr's orders should be adhered to, but not at the expense of her overall happiness in living as she is now .. which should include.. Fun food! ., a little company, much sleep, and visits from you ~ all her loved ones.
She's ok. You're doing and have done all you can. Take pride and be at peace knowing you're doing all you can do to provide for her. But for you, she'd have had no one to help her.
When she constantly complains, and becomes more than you can bear (more often than not), find a reason to end the conversation. Remember ~ She's ok and safe.
*I also agree with Geaton777 ~ so true .. these expenses will quickly become an unaffordable arrangement. You must remember to care for your future.
But, my parents can afford to move elsewhere and there are places with better food, but they dont like the apartment size or layout and don't want the hassle of moving (even though we pay for movers and I do all the unpacking and organizing. )
I make them soup and other things from time to time as well, and you know what? Half the time they never eat it.
So, I finally decided they just like to complain. When they do, I change the subject or tell them I've got to get going.
You're doing a great job, it's just impossible to please some folks! Best wishes to u.
The food at a different facility where my dad did rehab after his heart attack was absolutely horrible. I saw that food and it looked disgusting.
When they brought mom a plate she couldn’t even eat it. Did daddy complain? No. He didn’t care about eating. I am sure he missed mom’s food though.
Some places will fix a sandwich if a resident doesn’t like the hot meal that is served.
"...The AL facility is one that we are barely able to afford and I KNOW there aren't any other cheaper ones out there, believe me. I'm trying to repair the house to get it sold and am spending thousands of dollars..."
Are you spending your money or your mother's??? If it's your money, you need to enlist a real estate broker to sell the house "AS-IS", consult with an attorney about recouping whatever money you've spent, and consult with a top-notch seasoned social worker about financial assistance for your mother.
And stop answering her calls about the food. Let it go to voicemail. There's nothing you can do about that right now because you are not taking her home; you have more important things to do.