I will have to make a long story short. My 87-year-old mom moved in with us because she was very sick and needed care. She hasn't been able to move her belongings out of her apartment and my 61-year-old sister is harassing her by phone and text wanting money to wash her clothes or to come pick her up or asking us to bring her back to the apartment so she can wash her clothes. What can I do to keep her from harassing mom? Any advice will be appreciated. Thanks.
Your sister has some weird personality issues that you aren't going to fix at 61 years old. I'm hoping you've at least once explained to her that this behavior is inappropriate at the very least and that she needs to stop.
If you haven't done at least this, then please do it but also warn her what will happen if she persists (you'll block her). But don't make a threat you aren't willing and able to carry out.
I agree that you should block her at that point.
Then you do the laundry at your house.
Would that work, do you think?
I am afraid your making a long story short has made it a teensy bit too short, as I don't quite get where sister and mother and all the soiled clothing come together here.
Is your sister an invalid, incapacitated in some way that she is vulnerable and needs assistance? If that is the case perhaps call Adult Protective Services to ask someone check on her. Is she bipolar?
Does mom need to keep from upsetting sister until she can get her things moved for fear of sister’s tantrum or worse? Is that why she is still communicating with sister?
Was mom sharing expenses with sister and owes sister money? It is hard to offer helpful suggestions not knowing the circumstances. If mom had long been bullied by sister she may find it difficult to say no to her. I would not want sister calling and upsetting mom or my household. If mom intends to no longer live with sister she needs to arrange to have her things moved soon and pay sister whatever she owes her, if indeed she owes her anything. Is the apartment in mom’s name and sister needs to be evicted?
I am sorry you are having to deal with this. I hope mom is better soon.
I assume Mom and sister lived together. Did they share expenses? If so, maybe Sis needs Mom to pay her part of the expenses. Its really not fair to cut her off. If Mom is living with u permanently, and Sis can't afford the apt she is going to need to find one she can afford. If both Sis and Mom are on the lease, unless its a 30day lease, Mom owes her share till the lease is done.
If Sis has a mental disorder or is challenged in some way, again u can't leave her high and dry. Is giving her money to wash her clothes all that big a deal? The apts where I live now use a card that you pay ahead and it goes to the card. If that is what Sis uses then u can put money on the card knowing thats all it can be used for.
Tell Sis to call you if she needs anything. That Mom is ill and her calling her and texting is causing her anxiety. She needs to heal.
Thanks for writing more below about what this situation is.
I suspected there was some huge mess here that we weren't hearing about, and that seems now to be confirmed.
I have to tell you I don't too often go speechless, but I do once in a while, and I am there now for this situation. I really don't have a clue how this will play out at all. I can only wish you the best of luck, and let you know that if your 87 year old Mom is quite ill, I am glad she is safe with you and out of this chaos. HOWEVER your Mom, if she is not incompetent, has been making some very bad decisions, and has both given a lot of money to sis and enabled everything that has happened. Without a diagnosis of incompetency and a conservatorship over your mother I do not think that she can be protected, or can protect herself from a clearly mentally challenged child/your sister.
The whole situation feel quite hopeless to me at this point and I can only wish you the very best of luck.