My husband was referred to this program in July 2013 at least three times. In December 2013 documentation states he was approved waiting for services. When the scandal broke about the Phoenix VA. All of a sudden I get a call from a doctor one morning wanting to come out and examine him. So I say yes because his Parkinson seems to be getting worst. The doctor states: "I do not have a diagnosis of Parkinson for him." So I agree to the visit.
Doctor arrives early and sits in her car for over 30 minutes. I've gone outside with our dog and the CNA that was working here at the time.
Finally, the doctor comes to the door. My mixed terrier is following me and barking of course because he always bark when he hears the doorbell or someone knocking.
At the door the doctor states "their policy is all animals be put away before staff can enter." So I say your policy should be you do not call the same day you are going to make the visit and you explain the policy prior. Then I take the dog and lock him in the bedroom.
My husband is sitting in the kitchen in his wheelchair where the CNA had left him before she left.
I go back to the door open the door, let the doctor in, turn and walk back to out living room. I turn around and the doctor is standing by the stairwell near the door. She says "if you are upset about putting the dog away we can reschedule." In my mind, I am thinking, why is she revisiting the dog, he is no longer an issue. Then this doctor says "she walked into some hostility" I said it is not about me (I hold my hand out to ward my husband) it is about him, The doctor again says something about animosity and rescheduling while she is still at the stairwell and has set her bag down. Again I say 'it is not about me, it is about him.
To make a long story shorter, this doctor leaves our home and states we will have to reschedule. This is March. So I sent an email to the director, chief of staff and patient advocate of the facility. No one responds, I report it to Washington, no one responds.
In June I get a call about three people coming back to evaluate my husband. A SW, RN and NP comes out to our home under the guise of evaluating my husband. Then I have another two people to come out and this time the SW and her boss the program director. On this visit I am told that the chief of the program is thinking my husband is "now" too ill for the program to provide services in our home by a doctor and a team. I will get the final decision later.
So I get this call and I am told my husband is now "too ill" for the program he was referred to almost a year ago.
So I send a letter to the Senator and ask that he look into this, because I don't think it is fair to my husband. I get a letter from the senator's office in which the director of this facility wrote in response to their inquiry.
The letter to the senator from the director is very accusatory of me, very defaming and I learn from the letter that there is a fear for the staff to be in our home and they recommend nursing home level of care for my husband. Then I learn from the same letter that when the three people came to our home, two were not to examine my husband but to monitor activities in our home while one examined my husband. Then I also hear later from a relative that my husband was denied the program because the agency cannot afford to send two people into our home at the same time. Two people because one would have to monitor and watch me because of the safety concerns for the staff.
YOUR TAX DOLLARS AT WORK!!!!
Oh yes, they are also looking at my husband's medical file in which I too, now have a copy of. I could not understand why I was so in the file with the spouse called and she said this and the spouse called and she said that. But after reading the letter to the senator's office from the director I do get it.
Even more interesting, we are both service connected disabled veterans and I have a pinched nerve and some other issues. My doctor requested more assistances in our home to help me with my husband and the same person denied that request as well.
So again, who can help with this one?
Appreciate you were stressed but snapping back at her was not a good start.
Maybe this lady doctor had been abused before so may have been sensitive to it... you just don't know the abuse they have to put up with (physical and mental)
Her body language you describe makes it look like she was indeed scared of you.
In retrospect, 'sorry, didn't mean to snap at you, but I am so worried about my husband' would have defused the situation.
But this seems to have got completely out of control.
You need to take onboard that they have to investigate any complaints, (even if they are from rather highly strung docs)
Shame they weren't so quick to follow up your comaint about this doctor!)
Sadly, the American habit of suing medical and social services at every occassion is to blame for this.
(And the media, who love to bash doctors and soc services)
I don't have the answers, but maybe get help from a less emotionally involved relative, who can act as a mediator between you and these people.
Don't listen to 2nd hand rumours, get the facts as to exactly why they feel your husband does not meet the program criteria.
I know it is incredibly hard, but you need to remove the emotion from conversations with these people. Having someone act as mediator for you may be of help when you appeal/follow up.
It may just be that your husband does not meet criteria. (Which may still have been the case 6 mths/1 year ago)
I wish you all the best with this. You sound exhausted from it, you need friends/family to help you with this.
Then, begin the complaint process. Your husband's health comes first ( and yours too!).
So really I just wanted to sympathise; and I agree with Pam S that a well-connected advocate who can both get new balls rolling and set the record straight is probably your best bet. Good luck.
But then it goes on, and you are now also very angry that they documented your complaints, though they more or less have to. You have accused them of slander and libel, though they may have written down what you said verbatim. And now that you have written to your senator and are even going to the media to complain, it is a virtual guarantee that people who may have wanted to help you will have to be forced to help you, and are looking for any reason not to have to deal with you. They are probably afraid nothing they do for you or your husband will be viewed with appreciation, but fear criticism, negativity, anger and fault-finding, and maybe even think you might turn litiginous as well.
I wish I could just sympathize and thank you both for your service rather than tell you that you inadvertantly bit the hand that might have fed you, but as hard as it might be to hear, I think you ran them off for good and Pipruby has the best idea. I don't believe that every patient and family should have to take the Dale Carnegie course or formal assertiveness training, or have to bake cupcakes to get good service, but really, really try to hear what I'm saying and soften your approach - treat the people coming in like fallible human beings with fears and feelings too.
thankful you have shared your story. Social Service agencies, doctors and especially, police all need to be recorded/video taped when they come in to your home. It is imperative to protect yourself. Dishonesty can end up worse than you think. Take care.
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