He is 75 years old. We live with him & I have POA over him. He was told not to drive by his doctor as well but when I remind him he argues with me. He lies to neighbors saying that I abuse him by not letting him go anywhere when he goes everywhere and he has almost caught house on fire a couple times. My brother, son, and daughter say to put him in a home but I'm afraid none will take him...what do I do???
It does not appear that he is safe to be doing a lot of things. Driving. Talking to people. Fires?
My oh my, you need to get some serious help. ASAP.
Maybe start with his doctor and they can advise you on what to do next. You need to quickly protect yourself and your family.
Has he actually been diagnosed with dementia by a doctor or are you assuming that he has it?
If you have POA you also need to familiarize yourself concerning your rights and responsibilities towards him.
It is pointless to argue with him. He is NOT lying to your neighbors. He is reporting what his broken brain regards as truth. He does NOT understand the difference between right and wrong.
He should have NO CONTACT with his granddaughter, and if contact is absolutely unavoidable she should NEVER be alone with him.
HIS BRAIN IS BROKEN AND CANNOT BE REPAIRED.
YOU NEED TO TAKE CHARGE.
Visit local residential care sites and see what you can find out about them. You have no basis for thinking that none will take him until you find out what’s available in your area.
Good luck with this very tough job.
Your father will not be held responsible for his sexually inappropriate language to a small child because he has dementia. But you and your daughter most certainly will be held responsible if you allow her to be exposed to it. Deal with it before somebody else calls in the authorities.
When you say you are afraid that no dementia care facility will take your father because of his challenging behaviours, have you actually approached any and asked? If that doesn't work, ask your doctor how you can get your father admitted to a psychiatric facility for evaluation, treatment and then referral to an appropriate, safe place.
Lots of posters have said that what they are only magnifies with the dementia, has he hurt others before?
Get him out and locked up so he can't destroy someone else's wellbeing and peace of mind by sexually assaulting them.
He may well well not be in his right mind, but that is no excuse. The authorities need to place him in a facility under lock and key away from potential victims.
yeah, the court will likely find he isn’t competent to stand trail, then they will lock him up until he is...which might be never
it took the State of Wisconsin mire than 20 years to find Ed Gein competent ... then found him guilty.
report this!!!!
The child needs to be removed, immediately; then the man needs to be found appropriate psychiatric services. Apart from the ethics, that's also the order which would be quickest and least frightening for the child.
Move out and let him figure it out, that he has said you screwed your dad, why not me? to his granddaughter that was sexually abused by her dad. Oh hell no, get your stuff and get out. Something is far wrong with this situation and you are not protecting your already damaged daughter. That she is 23 and living with this crap proves how broken she is.
Sorry but your choices need to change or your kids need to get away from you as well.
Lewis-Mason-Thurston Area Agency on Aging
They are in your area. Call them.
Don't stay and put up with that behavior because you fear you have nowhere to go. You are in an abusive relationship..you and the rest of the family. You fear him and he knows it.
I am so sorry...
Protect hour child now, it may be late, but not too late, It is not okay.
I am so sorry..
Protect the public, take away the car.. they keys, whatever.. give or donate the car, sell it. if you dad is that bad of a driver. Look at uber and other public transits to get dad to where ever.
Protect your child.. at whatever cost... Nobody deserves to be sexually abused, verbally or physically...stop that poison now.
And you can find this magic link at:
https://www.dshs.wa.gov/altsa/home-and-community-services/alternatives-if-person-not-eligible-specialized-dementia-care-program
Specifically, I should use the link for "your local I&A office" and take it from there.
Your father is a risk to himself and others. His dementia is not something that you, one untrained person, can *possibly* manage, so do not feel that you are to blame. Best of luck, and I really hope you get a positive response from these people - whose job it is to help you, after all. Please keep in touch.