My dad doesn’t like his caregivers anymore. He says they are mean to him and are fat and ugly. He has dementia and I don’t know if this is a ploy to get me to stay with him instead of them. I’ve explained to him that I cannot be with 24/7. It’s very frustrating and tiring to go through this week after week. Any suggestions?
Obviously you can't be their 24/7 but you may need to find different caregivers.
Call Dad's primary doctor to ask about a UTI test [simple, peeing into a cup] to see if there is an infection. If yes, this can be treated with antibiotics.
Sorry Sharona, not taking this less seriously, I had a similar problem with my dad, he used to say the carer wanted to rule his life and he was a free individual... what do you answer to that?!
You know what did the trick, poker! I gave him a deck of cards and the carer was playing with him, he started enjoying the carer immediately again :D
In frustration, my friend did not now how to handle the patient. She spoke harshly to her, ignored her....Now, after 10 years my friend is experiencing "old age and dementia" and she needs compassion and understanding.
For everyone - Know your caregivers and make sure they have adequate training. I shutter to think how many "sitters" who are paid a lot less money - lack compassion and training. If you ask for an example from your loved one how she is treated badly - she might not remember.
A traffic light turns yellow for a reason 'caution'. There is elder abuse even by professionals. Use this as an indicator to make sure she is okay and 2nd it is part of her disease. As we all travel down this path - you are never alone - Learn to rest and take good care of yourself. Thank you for be caring and loving. So many of us do not have any family or friends to help and we stand alone.
I can see the "fat and ugly" comes only from the disease itself. If they are sitting down and not getting her what she is asking from that could be "Fat" and if they are talking down to her that could be the "ugly" or she could have just watched "The good, the bad and the ugly." ha ha Take care and wish you well.
https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=dr.+natali+edmonds+channel
My doctor immediately prescribed Seroquel (Quetiapine) for her and it made a huge difference at only the lowest dose. Now she’s pleasant and not so easily perturbed. She was exhausting herself with her outbursts. Adding the medication was better for her and for me and her other caregiver.
There is no reasoning with dementia patients. Their thought process is not normal. I don’t discuss with her anything that requires her to understand she isn’t being nice or for that matter, what she blurted out is stupid! She just can’t understand. For example, she saw me stub my toe one day and asked why I’d kick the door? She wasn’t being funny it’s just the way she saw it.
I’m fortunate to have the support of my siblings in my decisions for her care. I know it’s hard for yours to understand from afar how you are seeing to the care of your parent. But if it’s up to you to see to overall care, make the right decision for the patient ...and you.
Tell your siblings medication isn’t a bad thing at this stage.
If he needs gorgeous people to wipe his butt and feed him, buy a very large screen tv, plant him right in front of it, and program it so only shows with beautiful skinny people are seen by him. I know you are just trying to help your dad as best you can!
YES ~ old people can be and mostly Are Jerks...to the hired caregivers And to their own families. I've seen it in 90% or more of caregiving jobs I've had. And YES yiur dad is playing you and has Nothing better to do then use you and the caregivers for his entertainment. The more you feed into it the longer it will go on. And I'm sure the caregivers Don't lile him either and I'm sure he's No prize. He thinks they are there to Worship him and take his crap for the little pay they recieve and should be getting quadruple whatever they do recieve to put up with this. Tell him to straighten up and be a Gentlemen and Appreciate that anyone would want to take care of his nasty attitude. And of he has the ability to still understand finances tell him the worse he behaves the More it will cost him to hire someone willing to put up with him. Usually thats the Only way to get people like him to straighten up is hit them in the pocket book. And I would bet that he wants a good looking caregiver to sexually harass her and thinks she'll have to take it as part of her job. I am an attractive caregiver and after learning early in my career how these types of men/most elderly men are I refuse to caregive for men. So think what you want but this is honest feedback from a caregiver thats seen exactly what your discribing many times. If your parent needs a caregiver then the time has come for You to become the parent and make tough adult decisions. If he can't behave like a decent human being then don't give him what he wants and tell him the more abusive/yes ehat he is doing is abusive to your caregivers and to you...the more he wants to be a jerk the more it will cost to keep a caregiver to put up with his crap. And hire the opposite of what he wants. People think caregivers are their property or replacement for a partner. Thats not what we are for. We are there to provide help and friendship. Its not just the elderly men that are innapropriate, Ive been asked by a daughter to flirt with her father who's mother was still in the home. You would think common decency would give people a clue on how caregivers should be treated but it unbelievably tough being a caregiver and you wouldn't believe what your caregivers have had to put up with On Top of the already hard and discusting job they aren't paid enough for.
I pick and choose my clients and stand up for myself and for fair pay. I hope all your father's caregivers do to cause I wouldn't help him for no ammount of pay. He knows exactly what he is doing and its Not a UTI or mental disorder. He's a jerk plain and simple.
"I suppose you're half their size," she said mischievously, "I'm surprised some of your colleagues can get in there."
To be sure, we do have some strapping lasses on the team.
Our Code of Conduct book makes this point about personal appearance: that a worker who is not well-groomed will not inspire confidence in a client. If you don't look after yourself, what sort of job will you make of looking after me?
We are, also, strictly warned not to wear excessive make-up, or any jewellery except for wedding rings and plain ear-studs for pierced ears; hair below collar-length must be pinned/tied back; finger nails must be short and natural (not acrylics, they mean). I think I might be nearly the only one who's read that paragraph, though.
In terms of sexual harassment, we are well-protected: if there are red flags we "double up" - nobody goes into that house alone. I hope too that we older people encourage the younger ones to USE those protections and make sure they report anything at all that makes them feel uncomfortable. Being older I rarely get any trouble; but on the odd occasion I have simply pretended not to understand what they meant.