What do you think?
My husband and I went to visit his brother in Memory Care last week. (he was there 5 weeks)
When we got there, he was eating lunch so we waited in the car. He came out with the Administrator and was walking toward my husband and I. The Administrator started yelling at him and grabbed him by his arm and pulled him back to her and yelled for him to sit in the chair.
She was in a rage saying that my BIL had been disrespectful to her staff by cursing and calling them names. She stated that he knew what he was doing (he has dementia) and that she will just discharge him back to the hospital.
I spoke to a nurse and she did tell me that he had been cursing and calling names but "he had not been aggressive or hitting."
However, a week later, my husband and I get the call that he had been discharged back to the hospital "for aggression" and that the facility will not take him back.
My BIL had stayed 8 months in the pschiatric unit (prior to this Memory Care Unit) and my husband and I were so amazed at how well he was doing. The nurses called every day and said he was not having any behaviors.
He had went into the hospital for a few days for an unrelated issue. The doctor called me from the hospital and wanted to know if I felt the facility was giving him the care he needed and if I had noticed any behavior changes.
I am just not getting this.
We visit and the Administrator is yelling and pulling on him, threating to send him back to the hospital.
My husband and I bought him a lot of new clothes, however, he would always have on old clothes when we visited.
BIL told us he screamed for help to get out the bath tub and that they left him there for 2 hours. When the nurse did arrive, she stated "You got in there""Why can't you get out."
We are told he was not aggressive or hitting any one but is discharged for being aggressive.
What do you think?
Anyway, I would go to see my father in the hospital and on the way home I would stop at the nursing home to visit with my godmother.
My godmother always dressed beautifully. In the nursing home, she would be dressed in rags that didn’t even fit her. She had macular degeneration and was going blind. I suppose that she was an easy target for theft. When I asked where were her clothes, I was told they must not have been labeled. Her son made a trip down from California, purchased new clothes, labeled each item. They were lying but I couldn’t prove anything.
My dad had done rehab at this same nursing home. His watch was stolen as well as small items like shaving cream and razors. Unfortunately, some facilities aren’t run as well as others. Another place that daddy went to for rehab was even shut down by the state.
I would see bruises up and down my godmother’s arms. I was told, “You know your godmother. She may be tiny but she is feisty! She fights us so we have to defend ourselves. The elderly bruise easily. She did argue a lot. I used to hear her scream at the staff.
My godmother was frustrated and frightened. By this time she had no idea who I was. It was very sad.
Her sons did not stay in touch. One of my cousins is in California, a music professor rarely visited. The other one did live nearby but my godmother hated his wife and she hated my godmother. So he didn’t speak to his mom.
My godmother did not have an advocate. I had no authority to change anything. There were only three of us that visited her, myself, my mom and a cousin who lived near the nursing home.
I am so sorry that you are dealing with this situation. It is heartbreaking. What do you think can prove that he is being mistreated?
I don’t know what the answer is in these situations. Some people want to close their eyes and pretend it doesn’t happen because it hurts to see. That isn’t the solution but I am not sure how it is handled.
Have you had a recent meeting with the administration? Would you be willing to write a formal letter to complain?
Others can inform you of what they feel could help. I did want to say that I know in certain facilities, not all of them, this sadly happens and I empathize with you. Too bad we can’t give 0 stars for certain places.
Wishing you all the best.
Oh Hailey, I know that this has been a rollercoaster for your family. Have you been able to find a small board and care that accepts Medicaid? That is what I would be trying for. He obviously has some issues and is easily provoked, so a facility that tries to not be provocative is what he needs.
May God grant him the perfect solution.
The sad part is ... my BIL is the one that has to pay for the wrong. They abandoned him to the hospital again and refused to let him go back to the facility.
I witnessed first hand how the Administrator treated him and I also witnessed how he responded to her. He just sat looking sad.
Also, I had already been told that he had not been aggressive but when he was discharged to the hospital "it was for being aggressive."
When there is suspected abuse, you call the Ombudsman or APS.
You do not wait to figure it out when you have seen it with your own eyes. Of course, one needs a timeline that is accurate, and the credibility to be believable.
If ever you needed to make a complaint, it is now. Get a new social worker. Find out if there is a patient's rights advocate and call them.
I think I would just tell him the things you witnessed first hand, and refer him to others with other information.
Is it safe to say he won't be returning there? The yelling is inappropriate. Often caregivers get in habits of speaking loudly due to chronic HOH problems of residents, but you can usually tell the demeanor.
And the clothing? Doesn't seem right. Makes you wander if bathing being done.
Hard to judge not having been there, but sounds as though there might be some problems here. No one would be allowed to discuss it with you, so I guess it will remain a mystery. Covid-19 prevents so much now from being witnessed for assessment.
For instance: Not giving him his meds for one thing.
Also, the Administrator lives next door and her husband works a the Memory Care as well. Her husband and another male working at the facility kept going into the barn next door and my husband said he "was drunk."
The Administrator was yelling at my BIL and he acted so pitiful. It just broke my heart. He told her, "He was sorry."
I feel so hurt and devastated by all of this. It is not fair that facilities get away with doing these type of things.
I believe with all of my heart that the doctor at the hospital called to question me because he felt the facility was not giving him the care he needed. At the time I couldn't really tell the doctor anything because I didn't really see all of this until the last visit.
Was your husband's bro placed here because of shortage of choices during covid-19 or in general? I saw you said it has a poor rating. I see you say a Social Worker placed him here? Was your husband able to help check the facility out? Can he speak with the administrator of the place, or look for other placement now so he doesn't return here? May be another or better social worker to help with the placement for your family? You have to feel very helpless.
I don’t know an answer to this. I sincerely hope that it gets better. I wish that you weren’t going through this. I’m so sorry.
Many hugs.
If your husband is not POA for your brother, would he like to be? Or is there a POA involved already --child or whatever--who is aware of what you witnessed, and to whom you can talk?
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