Wow, guys, I just had a real scare and it ain't over yet!
I got sick with a virus that had me on antibiotics for three weeks and so tired that I could hardly move. At the same time, I strained my knee so badly that I have been limping in pain for a month--just went to the doc for that yesterday and will,hopefully, be on the mend.
Here is the thing: I got up close and personal with my role as a caregiver and what it means if I have limitations. OMG, was that scary. Remember (if you have read my posts before) that my husband does not drive but has never made the decision not to drive. His driving is FRIGHTENING in the extreme. But when I was sick, it meant that i had to leave the house to go to appointments, pharmacy, etc. I was so sick. One day I spent the whole day on the couch--not like me. At the same time my husband got worse, much worse, twice to ER, mopping up blood, pills, pain, etc. (sorry if you are eating breakfast). Yesterday the poor man, sick in bed, wanted a glass of juice (downstairs) and when I brought it up (in great pain from my knee), he wanted two pills (also downstairs). I thought for a minute that I was going to cry. At the same time, I don't want to make him feel guilty.
During these past weeks I realized that his whole operation depends completely on me. Anything that is going to happen, from washing dishes and cooking to getting to appointments and calling the oxygen machine repair man, dealing with the lawn guy--EVERYTHING depends on me.
Somehow I had not really grasped this before. His has been a gradual letting go of responsibilities. Now, all at once, he has let go big time and, for the first time, I see what that means when I am not functioning at 100%. In a word, it was h*ll. Just making meals was such a drag. And my husband who used to cook sometimes, now does't even clear his dish from the table.
Fortunately, his son is coming to stay with him for a few days so I can take my grandkids on a little vacation. It is awful to say, but my life with my grankids is so much easier than with my husband. I long for these bits of respite.
Anybody else?
My sig other is busy taking me to x-rays and to the orthopedic doctor, and running my errands, he doesn't have free time to help my parents.
Wait a minute, how come my parents don't have a back up plan???
My advice to you is to have a wonderful trip with your grandkids! And, as soon as you get home, to investigate options for the future with your local Council on Aging. Their social workers will answer your questions and help you wade thru the complex decisions you are almost guaranteed to have to make in the future.
Well, the day before yesterday we spent the day in the hospital for my husband. Then yesterday I was carrying a box of wooden locks down to the den for my grandkids and --wham--something behind my knee popped . I screamed and screamed and could not put any weight on my leg. Was on couch for rest of day with company coming. Will go to hospital today. Getting through yesterday (with company, lunch for eight) was a nightmare. I actually saw, and so did my husband, what I actually do around here.
Please keep me in your prayers. I have 2 children here who want to have fun with Nanny.
So many fail to realize in the home-world if the wife/husband/sig other is out of commission, there isn't another wife/husband/sig other to step in to help. What is left is a spouse/sig other or teen children who don't know how the washing machine works, can't identify the appliances in the kitchen, or can't figure out how to get the fitted sheet to go on the bed.
Thank goodness the younger generation is cross-trained :)
In the mean time we limp along with shooting pain, while the rest of family wonder why we are so grumpy :P
See All Answers