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Mom is being taken to the nursing home tomorrow. She has Alzheimers and doesn't know that she's going. What is the best way to deliver her there with the least amount of trauma to her? She is still cognitive enough to raise holy Hell when we tell her or take her. How do I do this??

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Hopefully you have already set up her room with some of her familiar possessions (not valuable ones or irreplaceable heirlooms) Be very positive. If you are stressed, upset and crying, she will be as well. Stay for lunch and for a few hours, then leave. Some people suggest even staying the night, but I feel that’s delaying the inevitable. Count on the staff to help. Ask them how long they suggest you wait before visiting. She needs to get to know the staff and they her. When you leave, again, positivity. A hug, a kiss, a smile and a “see you in a few days, Mom!” You can always call the nurses station to ask how she’s doing. Good luck.
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I saw someone say that for them it worked to say that it was a special hospital situation the doctor wanted her to try, I think they used "foot" because the Mom had pain in foot. And this worked for them. Hope that it goes well with Julie and Mom tomorrow.
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JulieWhisler Aug 2019
Thank you so much for your answer! I can definitely use that approach too.Mom has lost so much weight and just won't eat more than a couple bites, so I think that would definitely be a reasonable way to approach it. What is funny to me is that she wants ice cream and sweets all the time.
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You’re going to have to do some fibbing and what fibs you tell will depend on her level of dementia and what you can get away with.

In my case mom went to assisted living after a bad fall. THIS IS JUST UNTIL YOU GET BETTER MOM. Dad went to visit, had lunch and dinner for a few days and I finally left him there one night. MOM NEEDS YOU HERE TO HELP HER AND MAKE SURE SHE DOESNT FALL.

It was still some very rough sledding but keeping up these themes was the only choice for me. You may find that your mom will not remember your fib. Tell her what ever she needs to hear. Change the story as needed.
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JulieWhisler Aug 2019
Thank you so much for your answer! It was very helpful! I am not above fibbing, and that sounds like the best way to go.
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Tthanks for your answer! It was good for me to hear the part about controlling my own emotions, and that mom would pick up on that cue. I am a very sensitive and emotional person by nature, so I will be sure to suck it up before we go! Thanks again!
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Best of luck, Julie, let us know how it goes.

You only have to keep smiling while your mother is watching; and then once you've left and you're feeling miserable remember...

IT'S OKAY NOT TO BE OKAY.

Agree a time with the staff to call and check up on her. Make a plan (sticking to it optional!) of something you'd like to do when you get home. And then, life goes on, and you will see her again very soon. Big hugs to you.
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