My siblings and I are caregivers for parents. They live independently and we take them to dr. appts., grocery shopping, etc. Both parents showing signs of dementia, Poppy more than Mom. Mom is forgetful, but Poppy sometimes can't express himself coherently, and is better some days than others.
Poppy fell (again) the other day but this time, he couldn't get up. Went to ER and nothing broken. Sent home. He can't walk, so we got a hospital bed for him. He keeps wanting to get out of the bed and keeps falling because he has no strength. I don't think he will walk again after this, he is so weak. He is refusing any assistance, and won't go to his doctor for this fall.
I guess we are entering a new phase of caregiving. They won't be able to live independently anymore. Any guidance on whether Poppy should go to an assisted living facility, or else have someone come and live with them to care for him? Maybe what the pros and cons are, or how one makes the decision to do one or the other. Oh, and Mom is overwhelmed and stressed out and just wants him to go to a home.
This is where the medical and legal stuff converges, so any advice re: this aspect (medical and legal) would be welcome as well. We are trying to get POA signed, but no luck yet.
Thanks for any help you can give. Suddenly we have all these decisions to make and we don't know what to do.
How do you get them to sign the POA? I don't think he will sign it. Same re: evaluation by an MD. I am making an appt. with an elder law atty and his primary care physician, and none of us are entirely sure he will go to his dr., but we're going to try. How do they get diagnosis of mental status? If Poppy is told that's what the dr. is doing, I'm certain he'll just refuse to cooperate. And, no, we don't want the ED to cart him off to the first available bed. Wow. Thank you for sharing your knowledge and experience, all of you. I'm really glad I found this site.
Something else you can do is contact your local state agency for elder affairs at the Dept of Human Services. Tell them the situation and ask if they can do a needs assessment. If you get a good social worker, he/she may be able to help a lot.
Good luck. Situations like this do work out, but we always hope it is in a good way.
Poppy is much better now that the stress and pain are wearing off. Biggest problem at the moment is toileting. He's too weak and frail to support his weight.. He can crawl. He keeps getting out of bed (mainly I think wanting to go pee) but falls and my brother is the only one with enough strength (and lives closest) to come over to get him back in bed. He has a diaper and a urinal but still keeps wanting to get out of bed.
jeanniegibbs, you brought up a point I hadn't considered, that if we had a signed POA, it wouldn't help because we still can't do anything against his will. We were thinking if we could just get that signed, that would open the door to get what he needs. Now I feel really powerless. He is proud and stubborn and refuses any aid. We were thinking of consulting either a geriatric care manager or elder law attorney to get a game plan on how to deal with a situation like this. Obviously this arrangement can't go on too much longer. Any suggestions for dealing with this? I feel like we are entering the First Circle of Hell and it's going to get worse before it gets better.
I am not sure that Dad would be suitable for assisted living. If he can't walk, needs a hospital bed, often is not coherent, I wonder if he would be best served in a nursing home? Visit some of each and discuss his needs and their services with each. Since he cannot wander and assuming his behavior is not problematic, he probably will not need Memory Care.
Perhaps with Dad cared for elsewhere and Mom with mild dementia she might get by on her own with some in-home care for a while. Realize, though, that dementia gets worse, and that generally persons with dementia cannot live alone past the very early stage. If she is physically well she might qualify for assisted living at that point.
Having one parent in a care center -- let alone two in the future -- is going to be expensive. What is your parents' financial situation? How long would they be able to pay for this kind of care? Most people in this situation would eventually need to apply for Medicaid.
Getting each parent to name a POA for finances and for medical decisions will be a huge help along the way. It still does not give you the authority to place them in a care center against their will (for example) but it does facilitate acting on their behalf.
Consulting an attorney specializing in Elder Law would be very helpful at this point. This will help you avoid mistakes that would cause trouble with a Medicaid application and also expose you to options for handling their care.
Your father really needs to see his doctor to get the ball rolling on this, so if he won't go, that's a problem. One of the best ways to make the transition to a care facility is from a hospitalization. If your doctor certifies that you need rehab, the hospital assists in finding a bed and Medicare generally pays for the first 20 days entirely.
Can you describe some of the decisions you are facing right now?