I want to be able to ask my Mother's doctor questions without upsetting her by going to her doctor's appointments and asking them in front of her. For example, I don't think she's eating and has lost a lot of weight in the past month. If I could just pick up the phone and ask her doctor to check her chart, then I would know if there's cause for concern. She sees him every 4 months for blood work. Without a legal right, Heppa Laws stop the doctor from talking to me.
You can also set up an appointment specifically for getting your mom to agree in front of the doc that it's OK for the doc to talk to you about her healthcare. My mom's doc has a form they had her sign that says it's OK to talk to me. But I also have her healthcare POA.
I talk to my mom all of the time about her weight and eating. She's losing weight and says she has no appetite. I bring her food she likes (high calorie) and make sure she has fresh fruits and veggies all of the time. As folks get older, their taste buds change and their appetites tend to decrease. But there's also medicines docs can give if they lose too much. Good luck!
As far as mentioning your concerns in front of your mother, you could write the doctor a letter before her appointment telling him or her of your concerns. At least that would put the doctor on alert. But please do see if you can get the HIPAA form signed, or better yet the Power Of Attorney. We all should do that - something drastic can happen to any one of us. Good luck in convincing her.
Carol