Okay friends...so the plate is full here with active dad at 102 and deaf which is a challenge in itself; and then mom who is 97 with dementia, but thank goodness moderately functional with supervision. So I overhear dad last night telling mom he isn't going to kiss her goodnight because he "might" be getting a cold. (Translation: we have a biohazard alert in progress for the next 10 days and his germs will be on every handle, door knob and in the air so the pup and I will self-isolate or do a disinfection of the surfaces before spending time in any room. Also putting mom at risk because he's not kissing her but sleeping in the same bed in the same room and using the same bathroom). And then he goes out today (to spread his germs further) and stops down the block at the sister and bros in law of our neighbors (neighbor was in highschool with me and went on to become a dentist to my folks as well; this is his wife's sister and hubby). He came home and was ever so anxious on seeing me, to pass me a note that this woman had jotted down the name of an ENT doctor because he has an on-going complaint of feeling "off balance". Also the number of a balance clinic of some sort.
Call me cynical. He has seen the one of the best ENT's this town has to offer and he was told then, and BEFORE, that his hearing loss is profound and there is no hearing aid that will help him. He is stubborn as the day is long and although this ENT said (to me) why is he using the hearing aid? (which is useless) he asked him and he (dad) believes it helps. So ENT shrugs his shoulders with a "whatever."
As for the balance, it could be related to the hearing loss. The primary guy suggested PT. He went and saw no benefit and ended it after 2-3 months which only benefited the pocket of the PT firm. I would expect similar games with the balance place.
A cochlear implant ad in the Veteran's magazine is ripped out for ME to check on. It is of other's opinions that 1. there is surgical risk, 2. he has been without hearing for so long his brain would not adjust and 3. it takes much getting used to and adjusting. AND if he doesn't like it, it's not like you just put it in a drawer or return it like a hearing aid. Not to mention as far as I know it is not covered by Medicare and would suck up god only knows how much $$$ which easily could be needed for care for my mother if she can't be left alone at home and I try to work so my own future is protected financially. (That's a whole other story).
Right now I am just infuriated with this well-meaning twit down the block. I really want to say YOU make the phone calls, YOU take him to the appointments, YOU come clean the house and make dinner and do the laundry and change the bedding and scrub the spots out. Basically just MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS! And what would you all do? BTW, It's funny how when Dad wants something bad enough, he manages to use his little CapTel phone to get it. I took the note away...and may respond by telling him I am trying to get an appt with another MD to be a primary care person. One day I found a note he had written "CBD" on it. Yeah, I know what it is. THAT he didn't ask me about.
You so clearly care so deeply about your parents. You are doing the absolute BEST for them.
Why do you care about what people who don't matter think?
It's a real question. Those folks? They are dust.
2) Don't respond to your dad or the meddlers.
It didn't sound like you have any kind of household help...or respite for yourself?
Yeah, after all you do, u sure don't need the neighbor's family giving out advice 2u.
But likely the note was just to placate dad.
I do agree with u... they cud have properly called,& instead said something about helping you out, in whatever way u need.
It does hurt to feel unnoticed in this way, ...(I've been there). I wish I had better ideas for u friend! But the Good Lord sees ur faithful works toward ur parents, & sometimes doing the right thing: has to be it's own reward.
1cor 10:13b. 2cheerU :
"...but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to [a]bear it"💟🌈🌷.
No, no support or respite and I live under the same roof, which is both good and bad. We were signed up for a caregiver support program this past summer and in the end I would say it was more hassle and trouble then it was worth. I was actually relieved when I cancelled the last one or two visits. The goal was to get mom to accept personal care knowing she would be a challenge; barring that the person was expected to do LIGHT housekeeping. We had 2 primary aides once a week, and they both were nice, but did such a dreadful job it was of no help and one damaged something because of a lack of common sense. I really began to think they deliberately plot to do a lousy job so you never ask them again.
I did get away for a few days a couple weeks ago. I just abandoned ship. It just wasn't long enough and I can't afford more. Just added another $1K in debt between my dental (even with insurance) bill and my pup needing some minor surgery and lab work to have a cyst removed.
It's just nice to have the understanding here:-) Thank you:-)
We nicknamed our set the "Gladys Kravitz 1, and 2 and 3. They would take turns showing up and create trouble and turmoil. I ultimately renamed their cell ID's as well, so I'd know which was calling from their various numbers, and ignore the call, and quit answering the door if they showed up. There calls and texts were especially unwelcome when I was at work.
I detest their meddling, advice, opinions, gossiping, and overall intrusion in personal business in every way. Clueless, definitely! I often have the dream of "pushing" each down a row of bleachers like a slinky. We even named our grandson's slinky, "Gladys". It took some planning, but we ultimately elected to put measures in place to create as much distance as possible. Do what you have to do to make your job easier. (and adopt a slinky for that moment of shear frustration!)
Sometimes just letting people know how overwhelming it all is and then their helpful input causes more havoc than can be dealt with.
Honestly people just don't know how much trouble their well intended advise causes. I would approach it with gratitude and honesty and say something like, if you really want to help, here is what would provide real help for dad...this will do 1 of 2 things, either get them to avoid giving dad advice or get you someone that is willing to help.
Family is different, they usually want to create havoc if they know the situation and keep instigating problems. Then you tell them to jog on and block their number.
Get a dry eraser board to communicate easier and clearly.
We are way beyond dry erase boards...he has an iphone with an app on it and you talk into it and he reads the words on the screen and can reply. Oh and I forgot when listing all he does in a day that he also volunteers as a packer for meals on wheels as he has for over 25 years!
Maybe you should send the old biddy a note of your own: “Please send a check for $400,000 to pay for all these treatments.”
I can’t stand people who intrude on my private business on a pretext of “helpfulness.”
What is he seeing this woman for, anyway?
Kudos to you, dear woman
I have to ask what his younger days were like. Please share with us.
Oh my gosh! Thanks a million for sharing those things with me. They made me smile from ear to ear. He is absolutely precious! My dad had the same work ethic as yours. My dad had a similar personality too. He was also a WWII veteran. Guess that’s what attracted me to your story. Thanks again for allowing me to enjoy a portion of your dad’s life. My dad died in 2002. I loved him very much.
How fantastic of you to compile the memories of his life for him. What a special gift that was. Married 70 years! Wow!
My husband’s great grandma lived just shy of 102. She had 12 children and a couple of miscarriages. She outlived a couple of her kids.
She was a tiny little thing. Not sure if she was even 100 lbs. She was absolutely adorable! She had all of her faculties.
We rented a venue and held a 100th birthday party for her with a band. She danced to her favorite songs! No cane, no walker!
She had one living sibling who was in his 90’s that attended the party. She greeted everyone who attended, knew and remembered people she hadn’t seen in years. We had trivia posters hanging with things like, “What came first, Granny or the invention of the zipper?” The answer was Granny! It was a fun party. She stayed active until shortly before her death.
The newspaper wrote a wonderful article about her.
She got upset when at 101 one of her daughters insisted that she move into their home. She wanted to continue cooking but pots became heavy for her to lift. She needed a bit of help with certain things. She took no meds. She died simply of old age.
If you are interested I am happy to share. It is simple and all you need is a pen or something similar.
You are blessed that he is an eternal optimist, because the opposite is a life sucking personality to deal with.