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My mom is 85. Her memory is shot. But, she still is able to hang out with us. When at work, we have caregivers who are here all day with her. If she were put in a home, the burden would be on me to visit regularly throughout the week. Right now I get to see her every day and it seems like less of a hassle then having to go out to a facility. My mom knows me and is comfortable around me. She isn't aggressive or a wanderer. There are some things that are a hassle - showers and medication. But, I think she would disintegrate faster in a home.
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im wondering how old is your mom? and how bad is her memory?

my mom back in 2010 was showing some signs of memory loss and some confusion plus making 'mistakes' here and there. (and bad judgment too!!)

now 8+ years later - her memory is about 10 seconds long. cant remember what day or season it is. cant read. cant watch tv (cant keep up cause can not remember whats going on) isn't washing her hair and im going to have to check on if shes even showering. (she is in assisted living) I have seen her "decline." Due to the dementia, she has seen things and hears things. (she believes everything she thinks no matter how bizarre)

I am glad she was placed before it was TOO DIFFICULT. she has been in AL since 2011. (with my dad, who is now deceased) she knows her surroundings, even if she has no memory. I think because we didn't wait too long.

edit: my moms AL is very nice. not 'nursing home'....more like a senior home. lots of people always around, so no loneliness ...lots of activities. etc
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Marysd Aug 2018
I agree it is best to move loved ones into a senior community before it is too late and get them used to that environment. I feel as though many people have negative ideas about what assisted living is like. There are wonderful assisted living communities out there and no one should feel guilty about moving their loved one into a senior community so they can get their life back. Most all seniors would tell you that do t want to go live in one of these communities. My parents told me this. We enter and toured several communities and I told them they could test it out and we would not sell their how yet or do anything with their existing house. Turns out they liked the community and have not asked about moving back home as they realize they get the care there that my mom needs.
You should put your husbands wishes above your moms if you want to save your marriage.
Good luck.
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