I moved my mother into our home when she could no longer care for herself. She has dementia and has been with us for three years. I live with my husband and adult son. Fortunately, my mom has enough savings that we can afford a caregiver whenever needed, as well as enough money to help cover living costs (food, utilities, rent, etc.). She is mostly in good spirits, walks and talks, laughs, enjoys being with the family. Recently, my husband has expressed a desire to have her placed in a nursing home. He feels burdened and inconvenienced by her. I feel that placing her in a home will cost me on multiple levels: physically (having to leave our home throughout the week to visit with her), emotionally (she does poorly in a nursing home setting), and psychologically (I feel responsible for being a loving daughter- and just thinking about it, brings me to tears). I know that my husband feels the stress in our relationship (which we had well before my mother moved in) and believes that it will be better with her not living here. I feel that putting her in a home is against my value system while she is still doing relatively well, and I will resent him if I do it under this pressure.
I'd love some feedback!
my mom back in 2010 was showing some signs of memory loss and some confusion plus making 'mistakes' here and there. (and bad judgment too!!)
now 8+ years later - her memory is about 10 seconds long. cant remember what day or season it is. cant read. cant watch tv (cant keep up cause can not remember whats going on) isn't washing her hair and im going to have to check on if shes even showering. (she is in assisted living) I have seen her "decline." Due to the dementia, she has seen things and hears things. (she believes everything she thinks no matter how bizarre)
I am glad she was placed before it was TOO DIFFICULT. she has been in AL since 2011. (with my dad, who is now deceased) she knows her surroundings, even if she has no memory. I think because we didn't wait too long.
edit: my moms AL is very nice. not 'nursing home'....more like a senior home. lots of people always around, so no loneliness ...lots of activities. etc
You should put your husbands wishes above your moms if you want to save your marriage.
Good luck.